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advice please

(11 Posts)
darceybrussel Sun 02-Dec-12 00:04:54

Last night my partner got drunk and got quite verbally aggressive with me telling me to get out the house and going over all my so called faults. I had to stay last night and just tried to keep him calm to get through the night. I then came to my mom's today where our two kids were staying for the weekend and he is know saying that he doesn't want me back at the house.
The drinking is a big problem in our relationship as he can barely go a day without one but insists he hasn't got a problem.
We argue quite regularly but never as bad as last night where he had clearly lost control and wouldn't stop shouting and being quite aggressive even when he could see it was scaring me. I do think he has got issues with his temper and hasn't got alot of patience with our children.
He is now demanding that he has the children tomorrow for the afternoon but I'm really worried about him being on his own with them just don't know what I can do. He is saying if I stop him seeing them he will cause trouble.
Grateful for any advice thanks

OldLadyKnowsNothing Sun 02-Dec-12 00:49:35

OK, your relationship is plainly over. What is your housing situation, is the house owned or rented, and is your name on the mortgage/deeds/rental agreement? Can you stay at your mum's for a bit?

You need to speak to Women's Aid and Citizens' Advice, or a lawyer if you can afford one.

darceybrussel Sun 02-Dec-12 01:03:51

I'm staying at my mom's that's not a problem our house is rented both our names are on the agreement.
Don't know how to deal with him wanting the children tomorrow without it blowing up into a big argument.

OldLadyKnowsNothing Sun 02-Dec-12 01:25:04

You're going to have big arguments anyway by the sounds of it. Don't send the dc if you think they're going to be at risk, call the police if he starts kicking off.

Are you in the UK?

darceybrussel Sun 02-Dec-12 01:33:27

Yes am in the UK. I don't think he would physically hurt them it's the emotional abuse and lack of patience that I worry about as the children are only 2 and 9 months so they can be a handful

OldLadyKnowsNothing Sun 02-Dec-12 01:39:10

Oh, I know exactly where you're coming from... But with no contact order in place, you don't have to hand them over. Equally, if you do, he doesn't have to give them back.

Do you want to stay in a relationship with him?

darceybrussel Sun 02-Dec-12 01:49:50

We split for a while and then he talked me back round we have only been back living together for a month and everything is the same as before.
I'm pretty sure this is it now I'm not going back to living on edge treading on egg shells waiting for the next argument.
He won't admit how bad his drinking is and I don't know howI can prove it and that it's a problem.

twosquared Sun 02-Dec-12 01:54:10

If you love him, want a relationship with him and your kids going forward, can you record some of his outbursts on your phone (and play them back, or send them to him at a calm moment) to help him to see what he is like on the booze? You might want to talk that idea through with a professional first!!!
Good luck

darceybrussel Sun 02-Dec-12 01:58:48

He doesn't ever think he is in the wrong tho he is good at turning it back round onto me or he blames his childhood or his lack of patience with the kids is because I don't discipline them properly. He has a reason or excuse for everything

GeordieCherry Sun 02-Dec-12 02:26:45

Darcey try Al-Anon for some support. It's for those affected by somebody else's drinking. Just do a web search & see if there's a meeting local to you. Or call AA & ask for an Al-Anon member who is close geographically to you who you can speak to on the phone
PM me if you want to talk it through
Good luck smile

OldLadyKnowsNothing Sun 02-Dec-12 03:17:38

Darcey, forget any notion of making this work. It won't. Contact Women's Aid and start making a freedom plan.

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