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What would you think if someone said to you on a second date "I get bored easily"?

(54 Posts)
madonnawhore Sat 01-Dec-12 09:01:49

That's what a woman said to my dad when he took her out on a second date.

I told him that if a man said something like that to me on a date I'd think he was arrogant and that that comment was designed to keep him on the back foot.

What do you think? Have I just sabotaged my dad's love life?! He hasn't been in a relationship with anyone since my mum died five years ago.

BranchingOut Sat 01-Dec-12 09:03:35

When someone tells you what they are like, listen.

I think she is sending out messages that she is high maintenance and likes a lot of attention to stay interested.

puds11 Sat 01-Dec-12 09:03:45

I wouldn't be interested in any more dates to be honest. Sounds as though she warning him so that when she does get 'bored' she can just say 'well i did tell you i get bored easily'. I think your dad should find someone new.

MissKeithLemon Sat 01-Dec-12 09:04:03

I'd feel the same as you madonna, so no, I don't believe you are sabotaging his love life. Just helping him steer the murky waters of dating etiquette, but certainly I'd steer well clear of a third date with this one grin

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sat 01-Dec-12 09:04:58

Was it a general comment? What was the context?

I get bored in relationships, bored in my job, bored with my hobbies...?

Proudnscaryvirginmary Sat 01-Dec-12 09:05:30

Red flag

SobaSoma Sat 01-Dec-12 09:07:54

If someone said this to me on a second date, no way would I want to see them again. She sounds arrogant and extremely boring herself. It's lovely that you're watching over your dad and I think he's lucky to have you. How old is he? There are loads of older single women looking for companionship (me for one) so just reassure him on that score.

mosschops30 Sat 01-Dec-12 09:09:17

What branchingout said. That is just like me

Punkatheart Sat 01-Dec-12 09:10:16

Hands off, Soba...he's mine! (Only kidding)

If someone said that to me, I would say 'Sorry, what did you say...I wasn't listening...'

I hope your father sounds someone lovely who talks about him, not herself...

Alittlestranger Sat 01-Dec-12 09:11:55

Did your dad give you any more context, because it's sorely missing here.

I get bored early, it would never occur to me not to mention it on a first, second, third date if it was relevant to the conversation.

Is red flag becoming the new LTB?

VivaLeBeaver Sat 01-Dec-12 09:12:22

I'd steer clear of a bloke who said something like that. Mainly because I'd think they were shallow and Uninteresting. Unless it was in context of a specific situation, like they were saying they got bored watching sport, on beach holidays,or similar.

Alittlestranger Sat 01-Dec-12 09:13:27

Punkatheart so you never talk about yourself on early dates?? Goodness I didn't know I should politely rebuff all those questions about me and shift it back to them.

EdithWeston Sat 01-Dec-12 09:14:02

It would make me wary; the exact context might make it a red flag.

If it was in a general way about anything/everything in life, it could be interpreted as self awareness and honesty: "this is what I'm like, here's your chance to think about what that means": and your DF should take it seriously in terms of what she likes her life to be like. Is she after someone alongside her as she engages actively with life? Or can she not cope with the ordinary dissatisfactions of daily life in a normal way? Does your DF know enough to decide what she might mean and whether he likes the look of it?

If it is in the context of relationships, then red flag. The early heady days would be marvellous: nasty come down likely.

Proudnscaryvirginmary Sat 01-Dec-12 09:16:38

A red flag is just that, a red flag ie a warning, an alert that something is amiss or emotionally dangerous.

I would totally fuck someone off if they said they got bored easily - my instincts are in good working order thanks and I'd think 'aye, aye, someone who they are more interesting that other people who have to work at keeping them entertained'.

AViewfromtheFridge Sat 01-Dec-12 09:24:43

Agree with the others - if the context was talking about life generally then he should run, run like the wind.

Even if the context was different - I dye my hair a lot, I rarely watch films all the way through etc, I still think you could make a context-specific comment. By choosing to share the fact that she gets bored easily, or indeed by choosing to give that impression of herself, it does sound like she's giving herself an "out".

What else did she talk about? Does he like her?

SobaSoma Sat 01-Dec-12 09:27:37

Stranger of course it's OK to talk about yourself on a first/second date but why on earth would you want to let a prospective love interest know that you got bored easily? That's a character defect in my book and not something to advertise.

msrisotto Sat 01-Dec-12 09:29:44

It's all about the context, it's no big deal to get bored of hobbies easily, but if this is a comment about her love life then, yeah, it's a red flag.

HECTheHallsWithRowsAndFolly Sat 01-Dec-12 09:35:02

I was just going to say that, msrisotto. Without knowing what they were talking about, it is impossible to draw any conclusions at all.

Him "so, do you have any hobbies?"
Her "well, at the moment I am taking a spanish class. I used to do pottery, and I've done a bit of weaving, but I get bored easily so I tend to switch from thing to thing"

Him "I am enjoying your company"
Her "Thanks, but I should warn you that I get bored easily"

amillionyears Sat 01-Dec-12 09:45:37

Surely a person could say "I get bored easily", and then have a lot of interests to keep them from being bored? And therefore could actually be a very interesting person to talk and be with?

I would let your dad make up his own mind about her. His life.

madonnawhore Sat 01-Dec-12 09:53:01

Sorry, to give a bit more context: my dad said they got on like a house on fire, intellectually well matched, etc. but he said she talked quite a bit about her exes - one was a 'high flying lawyer' (her words). And the other was a CEO of a big company. My dad is neither of those things, although he is very clever.

He said he felt like he probably wasn't rich or successful enough for her. And that he got the impression that she was quite impressed by status.

So in that context I thought it was probably a bit of a red flag, so I gave the advice I gave.

The idea of him getting together with a MNetter makes me grin. Maybe I'll be calling one of you mummy one day!!

AViewfromtheFridge Sat 01-Dec-12 09:54:57

She sounds like a dick. An insecure, shallow dick.

madonnawhore Sat 01-Dec-12 09:55:32

And when she was telling him about her divorce (which was very acrimonious by her account) she said something like "I'm as over it as I'll ever be".

My dad was like 'what do you think she means by that?' And I was a bit hmm.

OpheliaPayneAgain Sat 01-Dec-12 09:59:17

Depends how long ago she got divorced and whether it was at her instigation.

People don't tend to divorce on a whim, so the emotioanl attachement involved in the break up of arelationship is akin to berevement.

Alittlestranger Sat 01-Dec-12 10:00:58

It's not a wise thing to say, but only because we're all conditioned to conceal our baggage. She was married to someone, thought she was going to spend the rest of her life with him and then something went drastically wrong. I don't think you can ever completely re-set your emotions after that. I wouldn't choose to be that honest on a second date, but that is just because we all have to pretend that every decision we ever made or had thrust upon us was a wonderfully liberating experience. And I don't talk about exes early on, but that's just me.

If your dad doesn't like her personality, he doesn't like her personality. But can we stop imagining she's some kind of dick.

madonnawhore Sat 01-Dec-12 10:10:13

He did really like her. My dad's a little naive to this. He was only ever with my mum really.

Obviously I'm hugely protective of him. But I felt like he'd come away from the date feeling 'not good enough', which is a shame. So I thought I'd impart some of my well earned MN knowledge and let him know that she was probably showing him who she really is IYSWIM?

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