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Husband had a lap dance....?!?

(595 Posts)
Hitchy83 Sat 01-Dec-12 01:55:08

Hi all, this is the first time I've posted on here but just needed some impartial opinions!!
Back in August me and my husband planned a weekend away in Leeds as a break before baby arrived, I was 7 months pregnant. While watching TV a few nights before we went I looked at his phone and the normally stupid messages between him and his best friend (I know stupid of me to do so, it's not that I don't trust him but I've often found him telling his best friend things e hasn't told me, nothing major but stuff I thought we would have talked about). Anyway his messages referred to my husbands stag do which was 3 years ago and joked if he would be going back to the strip club in leeds to get another lap dance, I was absolutely mortified. I trust my husband completely and we've always been very open with no secrets, I did joke to him no strip clubs before he went on his stag do but he assured me that wasn't his thing so I didn't think anything more of it. When I confronted my husband he started by saying he had forgotten all about it as he was drunk, but the more I probed the more he released information, his friend had 2, he had to have one as it was his stag do etc! I tried to laugh it off as I wanted us to enjoy our weekend away but when I came home I became obsessed with finding out about the club and looking at you tube videos of lap dances to see what happens, and became really upset by it all. We never had an proper argument about it as he kept laughing it off and telling me it was his stag do and that in being silly but I couldn't help but picture a girl girating all around him in her lingere and him getting off on it. I'd managed to push it to the back of my mind but since I had our son 6 weeks ago and I look at my stretch marks and wobbly belly all I can think of is that my husband will always have this image of the girl all over him on his stag do and now ill never compare to this :-( I've since looked at his messages to his friend and they keep sending half naked pictures of celebs to each other talking about how hot they are etc. I honestly had this halo over my husband, we've been together more than 11years and I thought I knew him inside out and never thought he was just like every other man oogling these images and going to strip clubs, it's broken my heart to find out about his lap dance :-(
I just don't know if I'm over reacting and being completely naive, is this to be expected on a stag do? I spoke to one of my friends who was just as shocked but she seemed to think it was his stag do so may have been pushed into it. I don't know what to do, I love him so much and I know we won't split up over this, but I'm so secretly hurting I don't know how to get over it?
Has anyone else been in a similar position or any ideas how I can get over this?
H x

DadDancer Thu 13-Dec-12 02:14:56


Oh here we go again. We always get a womancommenting about how 'it's all just a bit of fun', because they think that the good laugh they had with their mates about a male 'stripper' is not only ok, but the same level of 'harmless fun' happens at stag do's. If women knew what really went on at a lot of stag do's/strip clubs/lapdancing clubs they wouldn't think it was all fun then.

My OH confirms to me that what goes on at male stripper shows is far naughtier than lap dancing clubs (and she has experienced both) The bride to be at one hen do even gave one of the strippers a hand job i kid you not.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones Thu 13-Dec-12 09:44:42

Daddancer - My OH confirms to me that what goes on at male stripper shows is far naughtier than lap dancing clubs (and she has experienced both) The bride to be at one hen do even gave one of the strippers a hand job i kid you not.

So the male stripper got a handjob? Isn't it funny that even if the stripper is male performing for a woman, it's still all about the male orgasm?!

You seem to be labouring under the misapprehension that we don't know what a private dance in a lap dancing club involves, Daddancer.

Stillherestillhere Thu 13-Dec-12 11:11:24

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones Thu 13-Dec-12 11:21:06

^"And running. you're clearly jumping up and down about your prostitute question so I'll tell you why I'm not going to answer it

Hi there, banned user, We know why you're not going to answer it. It's because you can't. smile

And you can drop the 'oh woe is me' post, MN don't ban people just for disagreeing with AF - you've done something pretty bad to be banned.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Thu 13-Dec-12 13:28:20

Hey everybody, we should take advice on posting style from a poster who has to keep making up a new email and nickname every time he wants to add something

Yeah right smile

Fairenuff Thu 13-Dec-12 21:32:04

^Because what you're essentially saying is every dancer lacks those values. Which on the one hand is a moral issue ( i.e. your
values trump another’s ) and on the other it ignores the fact that, for instance, a small number of dancers are highly
intelligent phd students^

No. I'm talking about low self esteem, not values.

No. I have not ignored the facts that some dancers may be phd students. No matter what a person's profession, they can still have low self esteem. Their 'day job' is irrelevant really.

I wouldn't be comfortable telling every dancer they must lack certain moral values

But you are quite comfortable exploiting them, I see.

Fairenuff Thu 13-Dec-12 21:34:01

Btw, you haven't answered my question about whether you would happily bend over and show your arsehole to another man to fund your own education?

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Thu 13-Dec-12 21:45:21

GetAll can't answer...he's been banned for the umpteenth time.

Fairenuff Thu 13-Dec-12 21:49:12

Ah well, the 'ins and outs' of GetAll's arsehole will just have to remain a mystery then.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Thu 13-Dec-12 21:50:41


I expect we can just conclude he was talking out of it, and leave it at thaaaaaat

izzyizin Thu 13-Dec-12 23:26:16

Only till bumsex night --Friday- tomorrow, Fairenuff grin

To recap: Getall/Stillhere is under a temporary compulsory vow of silence , Dad has revealed that he and his oh have questionable habits mates and Kaluki's various posturings here and elsewhere have negated any credibility they may lay claim to.

May I suggest that if they return we stick our fingers in our ears and sing la la la use the remainder of the space on this thread to continue a lively debate on the merits of christmas puds, mince pies, Baileys, stuffed turkeys v three bird roast, partridges in pear trees and other seasonal fayre?

<departs singing it's a Silent Night for Getall >

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Thu 13-Dec-12 23:32:56

it's a big space to fill with witterings about mince pies and sideways shagging grin

izzyizin Thu 13-Dec-12 23:42:12

Not with the added attraction of Friday night practices, AF.

'Tis the time of year to reminisce and we could invite a few regulars from AIBU to block the tedious trio while away the spaces hours.

We can relate tales about ging gang ghoulies as we roast hoary old chestnuts on an open fire while quaffing eggnog and mulled wine grin

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Thu 13-Dec-12 23:46:28

"Spot the new incarnation" could be a newfangled party game.

izzyizin Thu 13-Dec-12 23:57:29

A seasonal variety of 'I spy'? It'll take a lot less time to spot their new incarnation than it takes them to write out another rant grin

sings 'there were 410 spaces hanging on a thread
410 spaces hanging on a thread,
and if one of those spaces should accidentally be used up,
there'd be 409 spaces' etc...

izzyizin Thu 13-Dec-12 23:58:28

oops, I accidentally used one up... so easy to do...

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Thu 13-Dec-12 23:59:19

< looks blearily around thread >

Rain check ? grin

izzyizin Fri 14-Dec-12 00:13:28

Rain is allegedly on it's way, check...

Kaluki Fri 14-Dec-12 10:09:46

"Kaluki's various posturings here and elsewhere have negated any credibility they may lay claim to. "
Once again you won't give examples Izzy. If you are trying to discredit me on here then you need to back it up.

Fridaywine Sat 04-Oct-14 11:37:34

Does anyone know a good divorce lawyer in the Cardiff area. I'm seriously considering divorcing my husband who is an habitual liar, has ruined our finances as we as any trust I had in him by lying about soooo many things and stealing £1000s from me over the years by using by bank card and cheque book without permission. I've done all the confrontation, ultimatums, etc. been through all the broken promises and basically I've done everything I could to avoid it coming to this. Any advice on offer will be enormously appreciated! Thanks

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