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OK. LETS GET THIS OFF OUR CHESTS .... if you COULD write a letter to the OW .....

(130 Posts)
stoopidCUPID Fri 30-Nov-12 23:19:09

.... what would you say?


Now, yes, I know in RL this is a real NO NO - but my thinking is, hey, why dont we all offload on MN and get this out of our systems?

Personally, I just wouldnt go there, in real terms, if you see what I mean - I just wouldnt post that letter/send that email.

But boy oh boy it would be nice to just vent my feelings and basically just say piss off - but without the explitives! lol

(Im actually off to bed right now but I promise to add mine later this weekend)

So, come on everyone - VENT VENT VENT VENT

Distrustinggirlnow Tue 04-Dec-12 21:19:46

I've been thinking about this thread for a couple of days, wondering whether to post, going thru what the content of my 'letter' would look like, and then I read yogagirl17's post and realised that the last two paragraphs said it all for me really.....

They knew, they fucking knew that he was married with DC, but apparently I don't understand him, don't have sex with him confused am just after his wallet and think more of my horses than I do of him.....
"They were just two people who found each other for a brief time" That was said by one of the OW by the way, not DH.
ah, ain't it romantic...yuk!!!!
Now I thought I was a woman of the world etc but I'm really not as I had no idea that sites such as marital affairs and illicit encounters, existed. I had no idea that women would 'chat' to men online and if they liked the look of them then would invite them to their house, with their DC asleep upstairs, and have sex in their living rooms with these strangers.
Or that following a 'chat' they would meet at an Ibis or Premier Inn for sex the next day.
Will stop now as I'm going off on a tangent!! Have no idea how i would word a letter to that sort of OW, became words fail me... sad
Thanks OP and YG17!!

Yogagirl17 Tue 04-Dec-12 21:36:31

Hi distrusting, I guess like you I realise now how naive I actually was. I didnt think things like that happened in real life...not to nice, smart, normal people. I mean we're not exactly Jeremy Kyle fodder. What a learning curve this last year has been. It turns out it happens all the bloody time and it can happen to anyone. That makes me feel so sad. I'm glad if some of what I wrote helped you. X

SomersetONeil Tue 04-Dec-12 21:51:00

Some of these women sound utterly, utterly vile, as human beings... They do not operate to a moral code that I recognise and some of them sound truly fucked up and even evil. Some of them sound like sad, rather pathetic tragedies waiting to happen.

But without one SINGLE exception, and bearing this /\ in mind... every last man posted about on this thread is far, far worse. WAY worse. Every single one of them. Don't think I'm not referring your ex-partner because he's not as bad as some of the others, because I am. Every last man posted about on here is worse than any of the OW.

Maybe it might be helpful to write an imaginary, cathartic letter to the real villains...

Yogagirl17 Tue 04-Dec-12 21:59:29

Somerset - I can't speak for anyone else but I know full well my XH is just as bad if not worse than the OW. He was the one who broke our marriage vows who lied to my face and to our children, who fucked someone else then came to bed with me....I know all that. But I've said all that a dozen times already. For me this was just a chance to express another bit of the story. I know it's not the whole picture.

SomersetONeil Tue 04-Dec-12 22:31:11

Yeah, I know - and I totally get that it's cathartic, and that this thread allows you (one) to write and say what you think and feel as a way of releasing it, but never actually sending it. It's a 'safe' way of releasing the anger...

But at the end of the day, these men are scum and every single person is better off without someone like that in their lives, making them miserable, making them shells of their former selves, destroying their confidence and their happiness, turning them into paranoid wrecks, fucking up their kids and giving them a warped blueprint of what relationships are like.

Every single person is well-shot of these total losers. They are now some other numpty's problem. The OW's, in fact. Surely that's the most satisfying revenge.

Yogagirl17 Tue 04-Dec-12 22:39:17

Somerset - couldn't agree more smile

BerylStreep Wed 05-Dec-12 15:57:20

yy somerset.

ledkr Wed 05-Dec-12 17:28:11

I agree with Somerset too buts st point out that I don't need to write a letter to ex, trust me when I say he got it face to face full guns blazing and continues to pay all these years later with his regrets and messed up relationships with his dc. He also lost his home,car and life a he knew it. Ow on the other hand got nothing apart from what she wanted (him to herself) and then continued to be an idiot long after when she realised I'd not put up a fight for him and continued to live my life with dignity.
She upped the anti. Rang me at all hours, turned up at my door drunk (I looked after her and took hr home) went on FB to tell my ds's she was pg before thirst dad could, rang my dd who was 5 at the time, on Xmas day to slurr drunkenly that I was a bitch.
All this years later when I was re married and very happy.
So forgive me for reserving a little of my venom for her.

maxijazz Wed 05-Dec-12 23:43:51

Ahhhhh a brilliant thread! I'm well shot of my emotionally abusive ex husband of 6 years. I've been with now husband for 8 years and we have a wonderful marriage, so ex is loooonnnnng in the past. I actually got to say my piece to the ow. I first wrote an 8 page letter to exH, which helped enormously in my recovery, one of the things he'd abuse me with was lack of blow jobs, so in it I asked him to consider why I would want to give blow jobs to a man with such a smelly cock? Haha, made him paranoid to let ow near him...

Because exH was such a nob to everyone, someone set up a Facebook page called "I hate xxx xxx" I discovered that the ow had been dumped by this point and had posted the following "as his EX-GIRLFRIEND I deserve to be on here more than anyone" so I counter posted "as his EX-WIFE I think I hold that trump card, what goes around comes around. Enough said" that put the skanky bitch in her place.

Aaaaand breathe. It felt fucking good. I was at rock bottom anyway, then I caught him cheating. I cannot describe in words the total humiliation and worthlessness I felt. It took me years to get anywhere close to rebuilding myself.

I am well shot if that looser. He has since tried to be friends, I told him to get fucked, my husband deserves better than that as do I.

Very cathartic, thanks!

chairyhin Wed 05-Dec-12 23:57:17

My first ever message,mine was an emotional affair,still denied to this day,left after a year of finding out,have to say A BIG THANK YOU to her cos i coulda been there for another 15 years,now soooo happy in a wee flat with my dcs,happy days ..

Abitwobblynow Thu 06-Dec-12 13:41:09

" I cannot describe in words the total humiliation and worthlessness I felt. It took me years to get anywhere close to rebuilding myself."

Thank you so much for writing that. It makes me feel less of a loon.

AppearingDignified Thu 06-Dec-12 14:27:16

Does anyone else feel competitive with the OW?

CremeEggThief Thu 06-Dec-12 14:50:48

I could feel humiliated that he chose someone he was apparently only seeing for three months over me; his partner of 15 years, wife for 9 of those. Yes, she is younger than me, but she is shorter, fatter and not as attractive. They got engaged three months after he left too, even though I am only just filing for divorce now, almost six months later.

So I could feel humiliated, but it's the one emotion I haven't felt. I take the view that they have humiliated themselves by their disgusting, sickening behaviour. I have done nothing wrong and I can hold my head high. Sometimes, I wish I had got in there first and cheated on him. But if I had done that, I wouldn't be able to take the moral high ground.

BornToFolk Thu 06-Dec-12 15:12:12

"Does anyone else feel competitive with the OW?"

Nah, she wears leather trousers! grin

Seriously, she's clearly a horrible person and a useless mother. She's also not very bright.

I'm a decent person that tries my best to be kind and a good mother. I'd never, ever do what she's done. Like CremeEgg says, I can hold my head high knowing that I've done nothing wrong. And if DS ever asks when he's older, I can tell him the truth without feeling any shame about my behaviour. I bet the OW could not do that with her kids.

ErikNorseman Thu 06-Dec-12 15:58:47

I kind of did at first - her facebook profile made her look sexy and glamorous and I felt like a fat, boring, frumpy mother in competition with this solvent, glam, single type hmm
Turns out it was a very flattering photo cos when I saw her in RL she was fatter than me and very ordinary looking. I know that shouldn't have made me feel better but it did.

ErikNorseman Thu 06-Dec-12 15:59:11

I should add that now I just think she's a dick...

Yogagirl17 Thu 06-Dec-12 17:15:04

I don't feel competitive. I wouldn't be her in a million years.

I met her once, whilst the affair was in full flow. I thanked her for being such a good friend to my husband. And she had the fucking nerve to HUG ME. And in that moment I felt like the smallest person in the world for being jealous and suspicious. But now I know that I am the one who can hold my head up and look my children in the eyes with a clear conscience. That's more than the two of them will ever be able to say.

5hounds Thu 06-Dec-12 18:16:14

Dear OW
I always new you were after my partner, it became obvious when my partner took his son to football and you were there in your boob exposing top and trakies with ur 5 children (from 5 different dads) and constantly letched across the pitch, ur boyfriend noticed to, we even had a chat about it. My partner left his phone one night when he went to get a takeaway, I lost my appetite when seen your nude photo so forwarded it to your partner and promptly emptyed takeaway on my partners head on his return and had the police remove him. Funnily enough your partner was booting you out to, oh dear.
What you don't no is my partner is abusive, violent and forced me into sexual stuff, he is secretly gay! But I don't mind you done me a favour I am now very happy, iv heard your not and my ex cheated on you with a man! Kalmas a bitch

ProphetOfDoom Thu 06-Dec-12 21:19:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fidelia Thu 06-Dec-12 23:39:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fidelia Thu 06-Dec-12 23:44:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chickensarmpit Fri 07-Dec-12 00:06:04

Any woman who becomes the OW while knowing that man is taken in nothing but a dirty whore. My opinion, doesn't mean it's right or wrong.

AndrewMyrrh Fri 07-Dec-12 09:09:04

Fidelia, good letter! Sorry you had to go through all that though.

nokidshere Fri 07-Dec-12 10:35:51

Ladies the only thing I can say about this thread is that, for many of you, finding out about an affair was probably the best thing to happen because your husbands sound vile!! and you certainly deserve better!

Who wants a husband who wets the bed after drink? Who wants a husband who is bullying and manipulative? Doesn't pay his way? Doesn't get involved in family life? If these things you are telling the OW about your DH are true then you are most certainly better off without them!

Kaluki Fri 07-Dec-12 11:36:32

Mine now would be one word only....


He did to her what he did to me.
I'm glad I never told her what I thought of her at the time. I came close but resisted and kept my dignity intact.
And yes she knew he was in a long term relationship with a 3 year old son and a baby on the way but she wanted him, pursued him and got him. She even tried to tell him to get a paternity test for DS2 as she wasn't sure he was the father shock. You only have to look at DS2 to see the resemblance but it was a way of getting him to mistrust me which lead to him leaving.
Don't get me wrong I hated him as much or even more than her at the time but SHE should have had the morals to stay well away. He has since apologised, he is a good dad and 10 years on I'm over it now and happier with DP than I ever was with him. OW however is still single, miserable and from what I hear very very fat ha!!!

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