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Husband won't let my family visit

(115 Posts)
sosotiredagain123 Fri 30-Nov-12 18:29:07

DH has for the 2nd time in three months refused to let my parents visit they live over 200 miles away and I have not seen them since July but he wants quiet weekends

3littlefrogs Fri 30-Nov-12 18:45:46

Sotiredagain - sorry to ask this, was this an arranged marriage? You don't have to say if you don't want to but this sounds depressingly familiar to me.

You need to get advice from WomensAid.

PortoDude Fri 30-Nov-12 18:46:40

Please phone Womens Aid or enlist help from your parents. He sounds like a complete cunt and you and your children deserve so much better than this.

pictish Fri 30-Nov-12 18:46:44

Yes..I'm quite sure you are terrified. He bullies you dreadfully.

WelshMaenad Fri 30-Nov-12 18:46:58

Has he ever been physically violent with you?

JustFabulous Fri 30-Nov-12 18:48:25

It is so easy to say but is there anyway you can pack some stuff and just go to your parents? Get the kids in school there, etc?

expatinscotland Fri 30-Nov-12 18:48:29

Women's Aid. He's abusive. He will not get the children, it's a common threat.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Fri 30-Nov-12 18:50:37

He will not get the children, he really won't.

You must must leave him.

sosotiredagain123 Fri 30-Nov-12 18:52:04

not an arranged marriage the odd slap or kick but mainly just maons on and on and on ............

HilaryClinton Fri 30-Nov-12 18:52:31

Please can this be moved to Relationships

quoteunquote Fri 30-Nov-12 18:53:39

Go to your family, phone woman's aid.

Kalisi Fri 30-Nov-12 18:53:40

If I do one good thing today, I really hope it's in joining the voice of reason and pursuading you to leave this abusive relationship. You have an army behind you OP, please don't feel you are alone in this thanks

pictish Fri 30-Nov-12 18:53:58

The odd slap or kick? Oh dear - you say it like it doesn't matter.
It does. It really does.

You need to get out of there, and take the kids.

TerraNotSoFirma Fri 30-Nov-12 18:56:24

I know this must be so so scary for you but yes, take the children to your parents for Christmas and just don't come back.ever.

Leave your stuff, stuff doesn't matter.
Do your parents know what's been going on, will they be supportive?

ZZZenAgain Fri 30-Nov-12 18:57:27

it isn't just about visits from your parents.

I realise it must be very hard to do it after 11 years but I think you should seriously consider leaving him for good and getting a divorce. Can you go and speak to someone for advice on the ins and outs of this? I don't know how easy it would be for you to go and live with your parents atm in view of your current job. They live quite far away, don't they?

Iggly Fri 30-Nov-12 18:57:48

The odd slap or kick?

That's not right. Surely you know that.

pictish Fri 30-Nov-12 18:58:25

I agree. Take the kids to your parents and never ever go back. He is going to end up destroying you if you don't.

BathTangle Fri 30-Nov-12 18:59:02

I've never posted on threads about abusive relationships before, as there are (sadly) so many MNers who are able to give such good advice, but your voice sounds so plaintive OP: the fact that you've even thought that your husband might be reasonable in his attitude is just so sad.

Please follow the advice of all the previous posters: call Women's Aid and get yourself and your DCs out of this place. And you should know that there will be many many MNers to hold your hand as you do it.

WelshMaenad Fri 30-Nov-12 19:00:45

I would genuinely urge you to seek support if you plan to leave.

Women's aid are great, there may also be organisations in your area that can offer you 'floating' support whilst you remain at home and make preparations to leave.

Women in sbusive relationships are at highest risk around the time if leaving, so you need some support, you will also be able to get advice on your rights, especially regarding the children.

Please be careful what you look at/google on the home computer, of he is already exerting control over that he may be checking your history/cookies and whilst you can clear them, this is also a red flag. Use a computer at work or at the library etc.

ledkr Fri 30-Nov-12 19:03:29

Op I really hate my pil visiting. They have to stay are demanding,bossy,greedy and after a long week at work are the last thing I need or feel like. However, I pull a little face tell dh to get some extra food and then smile all weekend whilst wishing I could relax. What I don't do is tell him they cannot visit in his own home!
He sound worryingly controlling. I'd be concerned this is escalating and you will end up cut off and come rely ruled by him which is abusive.

SolidGoldYESBROKEMYSPACEBAR Fri 30-Nov-12 19:06:15

It might well be possible for him to be forcibly removed from your home and prevented from returning. A man who is violent and abusive loses his right to live in the family home - you can get an occupation order to allow you and the DC to stay there and to keep him out. What he says and what he thinks are irrelevant, you are not a possession or a servant, and he has no right to treat you like this. Call WOmen's Aid, arrange to see a good lawyer and get rid of this horrible man.

ledkr Fri 30-Nov-12 19:06:23

And op my ex pulled my hair once because he'd heard I was talking to a man. Three years later he fractured my skull burst an ear drum and damaged my sight.
I had to be relocated by the police.
It starts small and gets worse.

pictish Fri 30-Nov-12 19:08:08

He will not get to keep the kids btw. No matter what shit he spouts, that will not happen.

Astelia Fri 30-Nov-12 19:11:06

So sorry to hear this OP. Good luck in getting away from this abusive and controlling man. It sounds like he is checking out of the relationship if he is treating you with such contempt.

catgirl1976 Fri 30-Nov-12 19:13:14

What do you mean by "refused" and won't "let" you?

What would happen if you just told him they were coming and that was that? Are you scared of him or his reaction?

thecook Fri 30-Nov-12 19:13:44

Please please leave this controlling piece of shite.

Women's Aid then a solicitor.

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