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think OH is having an affair

(35 Posts)
domesticgoodness Thu 29-Nov-12 20:57:42

OH and I have been married for 10 years with 2 DC (6 and 4). I thought we were very happy, but last few weeks have been snippy with each other. i have put this down to both being busy and tired and have started looking forward to Xmas, our first with just the 4 of us. Anyway, decided to look through his work mobile yesterday and found a message he had texted to a lady saying "hi baby, this is my work number if you need to get hold of me xxxxxx" she then responds saying something about you don't want my voice bouncing around the car and he says "i can't think of anything better". She signs off with lots of hearts.
I don't know how to confront him, the number has been sent to his phone from his personal mobile, which he ALWAYS has on him. Idon't want to confront him and find out its true and he leaves before Xmas. sorry, but I'm too stuck here. please don't just tell me to ask him about it. I am so scared, and can't imagine being without him. We literally did our wills 2 weeks ago, how can I be in this situation?

NotQuintAtAllOhNo Fri 30-Nov-12 09:50:28

I suggest confronting him sooner rather than later, before the two of them are totally hooked on each-other. Before he can take for granted that he can move on from you and straight into her home.

Asking him to leave while you get your head together and seek legal advice might shock him into reconsidering.

NotQuintAtAllOhNo Fri 30-Nov-12 09:50:54

Dont call the woman! But can you google her phone number and see if anything comes up?

HisstletoeAndWhine Fri 30-Nov-12 09:51:07

The OW doesn't matter, your issue is with H.

Sort it out, be tough, be relentless and refuse to listen to him unless he's begging YOUR forgiveness.

He needs to know that if he screws up, he's OUT.

That's usually enough for the accidental adulterer to get back to heel.

puds11 Fri 30-Nov-12 10:25:13

Don't call other women!!! NO NO NO.

puds11 Fri 30-Nov-12 10:26:27

Erm... whats an accidental adulterer? Surely they all know what they are doing? Having prevented the physicality of adultery doesn't change the intent.

EdithWeston Fri 30-Nov-12 10:28:22

If he is being uncharacteristically withdrawn and is fault finding, then this could be another bad indicator (sorry). It is a device for giving yourself "permission" to be with someone else on the (spurious) grounds that things are bad at home (because he's making it that way).

MrsMelons Fri 30-Nov-12 10:46:42

Definitely don't call the OW - IMO your issue is with your DH at the moment. He has the responsibility and commitment to you.

I am not sure I could not say anything as it would wear me down. I may be inclined to look for further evidence but I am sure that is not really the right thing to do - I just don't think I could help it.

My DH is sometimes over friendly with people but not in a flirty way but he still would never call someone else baby. Maybe hun or something equally as ridiculous as that but baby seems quite personal.

I totally understand about not talking to people in RL but MN is great and everyone will be hear to support you!

HisstletoeAndWhine Fri 30-Nov-12 12:15:06

I know the accidental word is a little odd! smile

I meant it as opposed to a serial adultered thsat feels entitled to shag eveything that moves, and therefore wouldn't give a shit about OP's feelings as long as he got his jollies.

I agree it's not a case of losing one's footing and landing Dick-deep in some random woman, it's unacceptable. Utterly so.

puds11 Sat 01-Dec-12 09:20:03

Hissletoe your last sentenced made me larf! I see what you mean now.

EdithWeston Sat 01-Dec-12 09:31:25

OP: how do things seem now you've had a couple of nights to sleep on it?

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