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Would you leave or get over it?

(41 Posts)
MisselthwaiteManor Wed 28-Nov-12 18:31:17

Would you leave your husband and father of your unborn baby to go and explore a curiosity about your sexuality? If not, can you ever get past that 'what if?' feeling?

StockingFilly Wed 28-Nov-12 18:37:18

Would need more info to say, but I think possibly at a time when you are pregnant and about to face new challenges and a very different lifestyle as a new mother, I would try to put any sexuality issues to one side if at all possible - at least for the mean time.

LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops Wed 28-Nov-12 18:43:51

I would put my child before any of my 'curiosities'. Would you be leaving a decent husband and father?

PeachTown Wed 28-Nov-12 18:48:06

No. Don't be silly. You'll be ruining three lives.

MisselthwaiteManor Wed 28-Nov-12 18:48:48

Yes, a wonderful man who wouldn't deserve it, but who I'm not attracted to in any way. I was forced into marriage with a man and now with being pregnant (not planned at all) I feel trapped and want to get out more than ever.

LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops Wed 28-Nov-12 18:50:04

Was he also forced into the marriage? And have you discussed your feelings with him?

MisselthwaiteManor Wed 28-Nov-12 18:50:44

I would not be ruining my life, or my child's. But I would be ruining my husbands.

PeachTown Wed 28-Nov-12 18:50:46

Forced how? Can you elaborate?

MisselthwaiteManor Wed 28-Nov-12 18:51:46

He wanted the marriage. He knows how I feel but dismisses it as nonsense, it's not something he understands because of strict religious upbringing I guess.

MisselthwaiteManor Wed 28-Nov-12 18:52:40

Short story it was an arrangement between my parents and my husband because my parents were worried about my curiosity.

LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops Wed 28-Nov-12 18:55:06

What would happen to the relationship with your parents if you left the marriage?

TheDreadedFoosa Wed 28-Nov-12 18:55:52


You wouldnt be ruining his life, not in the long run.

But i wouldnt harp on about exploring your sexuality, it sounds vaguely barking and more than a little flakey.

Leave because you dont want to be in the marriage any more. Then do whatever you want afterwards.

Apocalypto Wed 28-Nov-12 18:57:00

I would not be ruining my life, or my child's.

You know this how?

MisselthwaiteManor Wed 28-Nov-12 18:57:51

Barking in what way?

My parents live in a different country and tbh I cut most of my ties with them already.

MisselthwaiteManor Wed 28-Nov-12 18:59:06

Why would a child be better off in an unhappy marriage than in a happy home? I don't need accusations of being a bad mother before its even born, not right now thank you.

MisselthwaiteManor Wed 28-Nov-12 18:59:53

I'm sure plenty of single or same sex mothers do just fine by their children.

scentednappyhag Wed 28-Nov-12 19:00:28

Would he be open to letting you explore your sexuality? It's not for everyone, I know, but it works in some situations?

MisselthwaiteManor Wed 28-Nov-12 19:01:33

He doesn't take it seriously at all, so I don't think that's an option.

MisselthwaiteManor Wed 28-Nov-12 19:02:05

The general consensus is stay? sad

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 28-Nov-12 19:03:53

No, I don't think there is a general consensus. It may not be about your sexuality as much as the decision to stay in a loveless marriage. If you were in a loveless lesbian relationship, surely it would be just as bad as this.

PatriciaHolm Wed 28-Nov-12 19:04:24

If you don't love him and were forced in the (arranged?) marriage, leave. Sexuality is irrelevant at this point; your marriage is effectively over anyway as it never really should have happened.

Leave, make a life for yourself, and once everything is settled you can give time to whether future partners might be female, male or both.

TheDreadedFoosa Wed 28-Nov-12 19:06:13

Barking in the sense that i assume your husband (and other family members) will look to dismiss your concerns and minimise your unhappiness with the marriage and if you present the break-up as being caused by your 'curiosity' then i think it will be fairly easy for them to do this due to you having got married and got pregnant not that long ago.

If you dont fel the need to justify yourself, and are confident about ending the marriage and not being talked round then say whatever you want to but i think it may make it easier to concentrate on you simpky not wanting to be in the marriage any more and not getting too bogged down in the details.

I feel very sorry for your husband but i think he will be better off eventually. It doesnt sound like much of a marriage.

Shame you didnt find the courage to end it before the pregnancy.

Yama Wed 28-Nov-12 19:06:27

I'd leave.

scentednappyhag Wed 28-Nov-12 19:06:49

If the prospect of staying makes you unhappy, then I'd say don't. Plenty of marriages end and the children are fine and happy in the end, the reason for leaving doesn't change that. A happy home is the main thing, regardless of whether that is with a mum and a dad or not. Your sexuality doesn't matter with regards to ending your marriage, your happiness does.
Sorry you're struggling OP sad

TheDreadedFoosa Wed 28-Nov-12 19:07:40

Others have since said it far more succinctly.
Your sexuality is irrelevant really, its a loveless marriage. Leave.

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