Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Spicing Up The Winter Nights With Rich Hot Chocolate And Thermal Tights!

(1000 Posts)
Mouseface Tue 27-Nov-12 21:13:48

Hello, I'm Mouse smile

I'm one of the Brave Babes travelling on this fantabulous Bus, on it's journey to the wonderful world of sobriety. smile

The great thing is, that the people on here are a real mixed bunch. Some are drinking regularly, some aren't. Some are sober and have been for any number of days, some weeks, months and yep, some even for years.

There's no judging pants allowed, no savoury flans either wink, just lots of unconditional support from many varied sources. Yes, some of us have been here from the start but please don't let that stop you posting, this thread is for EVERYONE and it always has been smile

If you'd like to have a look back, here are some links. One to the previous thread and one to the very first, and the reason we are all still here.

See you soon,

Mouse xx



CrushedWithIcicles Thu 13-Dec-12 11:25:42

Well, had a lovely chicken curry last night, DS packed off with home cooked chicken sandwiches for lunch and I have chicken and sweet corn soup to look forward to for lunch...grin

Nice tip on dancing too Fairenuff , I've a hula hoop in the kitchen that I use when I wander in for a mooch (open fridge and look for drink), so may put some music on and distract myself with fun!

Just for record/ anyone reading and considering having a go at giving up, it is day 8 and the fog of tiredness seems to be slowly lifting. Lots of deep sleep overnight and starting to feel the rewards, dc annoyed me with fighting and being slow to get ready this morning and I was able to greet it with good humour. So benefits are becoming apparent for others as well as me!

Today I will not drink!

babyjane1 Thu 13-Dec-12 11:39:43

Hi babes, I'm finding things really difficult at the moment, been drinking every night this week and last night I gulped it down so fast it made me gag, then went to bed so I wouldn't drink more. I can't understand my behaviour, I used to drink a bottle over an evening and now it's within an hour, I feels like I'm losing control if everything in my life, I'm bloated, tired, bad tempered with dd's and feel very very depressed, even though I'm on anti depressants (which don't really work with booze). What can I do to turn this around???? I just want a sober weekend to clear my chaotic head but it seems impossible. Can any of you folks just talk me through the basics AGAIN, I feel like I'm losing x x x

aliasjoey Thu 13-Dec-12 11:58:26

purple I know what you mean about the mad round of school nativities, carol concerts, christmas parties etc. No wonder the kids are exhausted, let alone us!

and yes it is annoying that there is so little support for alcohol dependency. I've told 2 doctors about it; the first suggested I just cut down to weekends (surely thats the point, is we can't) the second GP just told me I was within government guidelines, so not a problem hmm

imagine if that was the response to someone wanting to stop smoking! "well just cut down to weekends only." !!

SobaSoma Thu 13-Dec-12 12:05:34

Don't beat yourself up Baby, I know how easy it is to polish off a bottle in an hour. I'm probably not the best person to talk about the basics because I keep falling off the horse! FWIW I can't control my behaviour either, a good example is my latest (probably 100th) attempt at controlled drinking, thinking this time I could do it because I've changed, taken antabuse blah blah. And of course the result is always the same even though I expect a different result. For me I think it's a question of waiting for the penny to drop, but it's taking a bloody long time.....

A lot of us are on anti-ds (me for one) and yes not a great combination with alcohol. I believe that with me they increase the effect of alcohol and that's why I'm trying to wean myself off. But that's just me, and everyone's different. Baby I'm just trying to keep busy, reward myself with little treats like magazines, chocolates etc, keep telling myself how lovely it is to not feel hungover/guilty and know that the BB SWAT team is there if I need them.

Purple I have no idea how to start a relationship sober as all mine have begun with the accompaniment of buckets of booze and I've made some very unwise choices. Here you have an opportunity to slowly get to know a really promising guy and you just have to find things to do that don't involve drinking. Is he just a social drinker? (as far as you know?). Go for country walks with his dogs followed by lunch in a cosy pub, take some pictures together, go to an exhibition. Think of it a a new experience and potentially a much more rewarding one. I would love to meet someone for companionship and without the need to drink. Have had some success with online dating but not for a while and feel at 55 it would just be demoralising because I'm too old. Kot you and Purple are so right about the lack of help in alcohol addiction.The first step would be to remove the stigma around going to the GP in the first place.

Well, won't be drinking today and I think at the moment that's all I can ask of myself. Love to you all xx

aliasjoey Thu 13-Dec-12 12:07:53

babyjane I don't know what to suggest, I hope some of the experts on here come along soon and give you some advice.

The only thing I can think of is to plan your evening, give yourself something else to look forward to it? Lovely dinner, chocolate, favourite film, chat to a good friend...?

CrushedWithIcicles Thu 13-Dec-12 12:24:29

When I gave up smoking, many years ago, the way I managed to succeed was by convincing myself that I wasn't giving something up as such. It was more freeing myself from a poison, that it wasn't relaxing/calming or a treat or reward, it was a punishment and I didn't need it at age 12 and so I don't need it now. Allen Carr, for me, worked.

I read Allen Carr's book about controlling drinking and although some of it made sense, it didn't resonate the same way. However, the same principles are true, it is harder to give something up because it implies loss.
Stopping drinking is a good thing, we don't need to be anesthetised against life.
It doesn't make you sociable it just stops you from realising that you're talking shit.
It doesn't give you energy, it borrows it from the next day where raising your head seems like too much effort.
And, finally (please feel free to breathe a sigh of relief), the reason you feel so much relaxation and pleasure after the first sip is because you are removing the anxiety caused by withdrawal. If that wasn't there, there would be no feel of would be relaxed all the time.

Stopping smoking has shown me this is true, so I just need to do the same with drinking.

Hope this (very long winded ramble), gives you some help babyjane. It has certainly helped crystallise my desires.

Oh, and soup was bloody gorgeous grin

babyjane1 Thu 13-Dec-12 12:34:41

Thanks to you all for your advice, I'm currently making the soup and drinking my water, I'm sick of giving a piddly inanimate object like a bottle of wine so much of my headspace, so tonight I will not drink, may have to post like mad though so bear with me and I will repay the favour to everyone of you xxxx big hugs to nemo and mouse x x x

dementedma Thu 13-Dec-12 13:21:19

back in the sidecar. am fed up of drinking, of being overweight, of being hungover, of being spineless, of having this bastard thing have such a hold over can fix this apart from me!
Day 1

babyjane1 Thu 13-Dec-12 13:39:00

Can I squeeze in beside you ma do you want to try together, I'm day one also and feel all of the above so I hear ye loud and clear ( looking down at my 3 layered belly and face texture like crepe paper). I want my dd's to be proud of me, want to feel proud of myself!!!!!! Aaaaaargh ...... X

helpyourself Thu 13-Dec-12 13:39:10

baby I think you've realised you can't drink normally and you've hit the fuckit button. There was about 6 months between my realisation that I was an Alcoholic and my final drink- I gave up trying to moderate my drinking as I knew I couldn't drink normally.
What help are you getting apart from here?

LRDtheFeministDude Thu 13-Dec-12 13:44:25

<waves to demented and kotinka>

Nice to see you and all the other familiar faces. And it will be nice to get to know everyone else. smile

mouse, I'm sorry to hear Nemo isn't doing so well right now. I hope he's much better for Christmas.

baby - hey, come sit by me and ma and we'll do the beginning bit together, eh? It'll be ok.

chocolateistheenemy Thu 13-Dec-12 14:29:45

This is only the second time I've posted here... my first one was back in August when I found you all. I've been too ashamed to say anything since.
Since probably June, I've had ONE day without alcohol. And I'm talking at least a bottle of wine. I am on strong anti-anxiety medication and have just finished a course of cbt which was a great help. However, the drinking remains the same. I began drinking too much to combat anxiety, panic attacks, loneliness (DH has a job which means he works almost until midnight) and stress.
Well it has reached a head. Last night I drank a bottle of sherry secretly. As well as some beer and mulled wine which I shared with DH.
I don't know where to start. I begin each day vowing to have a booze-free evening, but by 5pm I'm reaching for the wine glass.
I have told nobody this in RL as Im utterly ashamed. By day, I'm level-headed, have supportive family and a lovely network of friends close by.
It's a habit I think that's taken hold of me.
Thanks for listening - I just needed to write this all down as I can't carry on like I am doing and must start sorting myself out.

babyjane1 Thu 13-Dec-12 14:30:55

Thanks babes help I'm getting no other help, have spoken to my GP but she thinks my drinking will resolve itself when my depression improves , as though its a coping mechanism whereas I infact think its what's making me more depressed, the old what came first question. Anyway
I'm squishing myself in the sidecar and I'm going for a swim and sauna to get the detox underway, I will keep trying til I get there x x x

kotinka Thu 13-Dec-12 14:32:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

babyjane1 Thu 13-Dec-12 14:37:42

choc I hear how anxious you are in your post but even telling us what you have means your ready to attack the wine witch so well done. I know every trick in the book, such As going to the shop for a bottle but buying a few mini ones to hide in the bedroom , or buying 2 bottles and hiding 1 under the veg and alternating them!!!! So you are not alone, we are here for you and we need your posts to help US succeed so please please please keep talking. These angel babes will help you so so much, big huge hug and welcome x x x

kotinka Thu 13-Dec-12 14:38:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LRDtheFeministDude Thu 13-Dec-12 14:42:37

Yes, kotinka is right, choc, you're describing something that feels very familiar!

Come and chat on here when you're around your danger zone, maybe?

I have occasionally given DH my bank cards when I'm worried I'll have a bad day - is that a possibility? (Obviously it only works if you don't need them otherwise/know you won't pester him for them back or raid the small change jar).

aliasjoey Thu 13-Dec-12 14:51:55

well done choc for posting! just a thought, but the alcohol may be contributing to your anxiety?

I used to get myself worked up into such a state thinking about the drink, if I was allowed any, how much, when could I start etc that it felt like a huge relief to take that first sip - but only because I'd wound myself up about it in the first place!

Now I tell myself its not happening tonight. At all. End of.

And that takes away the uncertainty and worry.

venusandmars Thu 13-Dec-12 16:17:19

Hi LRD good to see you around. Am I right in thinking that you had a lot of success initially with drinking alcohol free wine? I don't think it would work for me 'cos I hated the taste of it and decided I'd rather have lime and soda, but if it worked for you before then you could try that again?

chocolate welcome and well done for posting so honestly - that's a good start.

babyj to embark on this route I think you need to arm yourself with lots of tactics - one that works for you. So not having any drink in the house, going shopping somewhere that doesn't sell alcohol - I found that the shops at the petrol garage were good for getting milk, bread, chocolate, cheese, juice etc, others tried shopping at a halal shop where no alcohol was sold. Experiment with other alternative drinks to keep yourself hydrated. My favourite is still lime and soda but try out lots of different ones, and remember that even the luxury M&S drinks are cheaper than a bottle of wine. Also make each drink a real treat - so NO to drinking flat, lukewarm lemonade out of a chipped toothmug and YES to a crystal glass, plenty of ice, a slice of lime, and sparkling real lemonade.

Then keep yourself busy. Occupy your mind, your hands, your mouth so that you can't think about drinking, or pick up a glass, or put it in your mouth. Try anything that you think might work - sudoko puzzles, online jigsaws, typing on here, playing the piano, singing, chewing strong minty gum or eating extra strong mints, knitting, sewing, painting your nails - try anything and find out what works for you, then keep at it.

If you feel tempted to go out to buy drink, then come home and put your pjs on, brush your teeth, get ready for bed. Or just go to bed early.

Write down how awful you feel about drinking. Maybe the reality of actually drinking (not the pretend nice feeling) - the sour smell of cheap alcohol, the harsh burn, or the physical effects of feeling sick, hot and headachy during the night, the lethargy of the hangover, or write about the emotional impact - the guilt, the deceit, the fear of being found out, the shame about things you've done. And then having written it down, put it away somewhere. None of that writing was to make you feel bad, but rather to write things down now when you know they feel true. Then next time you feel tempted, as well as all the distraction tactics, get out that list and remind yourself how very, very NOT worth it, it is.

Find ways to get support - maybe family, or a friend, or alcohol counselling, or AA, and of course always on here.

And see the whole thing as an experiment. Its not a pass of fail thing. It's not something to do or to give up trying, it's an experiment in working out for you what works well, and what doesn't. And sharing those experiences with others so that we can all learn and keep moving on.

LRDtheFeministDude Thu 13-Dec-12 16:20:18

Hello venus! Good to see you too. And thank you for the excellent pop talk ... I needed that reminder.

You were right about alcohol-free wine. I think I mostly know what works for me - I just need to stick to it!

Onwards and upwards.

I hope everyone is having a good afternoon.

SobaSoma Thu 13-Dec-12 16:28:21

Thank you for always being here for us Venus - such a great post. Help I'm interested to know what made you finally realise you couldn't moderate. I keep thinking I can't, then think I can and I'm utterly fed up with being on this roller-coaster. It's as if my mind won't accept the evidence that it's impossible for me and I find all sorts of ways to justify it.

helpyourself Thu 13-Dec-12 16:33:29

Great post venus
Practical tips to avoid drinking are so useful. As 'Babes' I think it's a great idea to repeat those top tips (pjs, toothpaste, chocolate, HALT, not feeling bad about not socialising in pubs in the early days, etc.) as often as possible. You never know when someone might be reading for the first time.
Re Anxiety and Alcohol. it's a double,or even triple, whammy. If you're anxious about drinking, then it's taking up head space. The physical effects of alcohol even for non alcoholics are anxiety inducing. DH, who is not an alcoholic, avoids drink when he's stressed as he'll invariably wake up with a racing heart- its physiological, peaks and troughs of sugar. Then there's the following morning's guilt and paranoia about how much you drank. There's definitely a very similar pattern between drinking and depression. But don't get bogged down in chickens and eggs- look at what you can do practically. Reread Venus' top tips and keep it in the day.

helpyourself Thu 13-Dec-12 16:49:12

SS It was looking at the evidence. I'd had periods of abstinence, but each time I started drinking again it crept up again very quickly. The disease theory of Alcoholism is that the Alcoholic cannot drink moderately, I hated the idea of it being a disease as it seems like a cop out, but the concept of eg. type 2 diabetes is easy to understand. I possibly had a predisposition to Alcoholism and changed my metabolism so much that now I can't drink.
Once I grasped that and applied Venus' busy rules up post, the very idea of having a drink is as mad as getting up off my nice comfy sofa, dog snoring by my side log fire burning, and going over to Peckham for some Heroin, or shop lifting or grabbing a stranger and having sex with him. It just doesn't cross my mind.
However the disease theory also tells me that if the dog is barking because I haven't walked her, I can't get the fire lit, I missed lunch and I'm worried about my DC and cross with DH then the idea of a oblivion in a bottle will seem utterly logical. And tempting, and it's not illegal and why shouldn't I? Which is why I post here, keep an eye on HALT, walk the dog, nurture my relationships and take it One Day At A Time.

SobaSoma Thu 13-Dec-12 17:20:48

OK then Help, I'll go out and walk the dog, even though it's feckin freezing. Leave the sausage casserole bubbling away in the oven and come home to a lovely warm house filled with Christmas decorations and share a meal with gorgeous DD (saw her form teacher today who told me she was in the "gifted and talented" category - so proud) and thank my lucky stars I'm not at the work Xmas do being the only one getting absolutely hammered. I decided not to go to avoid said scenario.

Thank God for wise Babes like you and Venus. I most definitely won't be going to Peckham to score tonight smile

chocolateistheenemy Thu 13-Dec-12 17:30:47

Thank you all for your kind posts and support... it really means more than you could know. I'll try to pop by later. Kids' teatime now. Stress number one!! grin

This thread is not accepting new messages.