Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

started seeing someone but now suddenly backed off

(18 Posts)
cantfindamnnickname Mon 26-Nov-12 21:01:51

i started seeing someone only 2 weeks ago but i really like him, he's funny, clever, talented blah blah and he was really keen, friendly, he had come to my house, we went on couple dates, spoke lots texts, msn etc and he was very keen and saying all the right things.

All of a sudden he went quiet and then sent me text saying "i thought i could handle being with someone again but i cant and im sorry"

I basically said sorry if i have put any pressure on you, i really like you, but i understand, if you want to see each other but no pressure thats fine but if you dont want anything i understand.

he text back and said i hadnt put any pressure on him, sorry for letting me down etc etc ive got some thinking to do, i need to man up, dont think im as ready as i thought i was"

I know its really early days but i really liked him and im a bit gutted. Ive told him he knows where i am when he is a man - but this was good natured.

I dont get the impression that its me he just isnt able to handle thought of being in a relationship.

I will not contact him because i think that will make him run away but do you think he will contact me again?

lemonstartree Mon 26-Nov-12 21:04:14

sorry, he is just not that into you. Let it go

HotDAMNlifeisgood Mon 26-Nov-12 21:05:57

Sweetheart: he has told you that it's over. Believe him.

Of course you feel gutted - this sucks. But it's not your doing: for his own reasons, he just isn't willing or able to be in a relationship with you. Accept and move on, thus freeing yourself up to meet someone who will be available.

Yes I know it's not easy. But this particular fish needs to be thrown back in the sea and forgotten.

weevilswobble Mon 26-Nov-12 21:06:20

Sorry you've been let down. Its very confusing to get mixed messages all in a short space of time. With all this internet dating lark its quite common to find he's just been dating more than one girl, and he's letting you down with an excuse. Sorry to be devils advocate, but perhaps?

dequoisagitil Mon 26-Nov-12 21:07:10

He has finished with you. Don't go chasing, just leave it. I doubt he'll be back in touch.

rightchoice2 Mon 26-Nov-12 21:08:08

You probably wont hear from him as he no doubt has moved on to the next, but to be honest you are better off if he doesn't. Sounds like a waste of space not even telling you to your face but by text. Lucky escape, don't believe everything he told you.

allchangeplease Mon 26-Nov-12 21:08:38

ooh, this kind of thing is always so frustrating! you just got excited, and there you go! sad
it simply sounds to me that he is not over his last r-ship - do you know anything about how long has he been single?
I don't agree that he is neccessarily 'not into you' - people do need time to get over a previous partner, and often it happens that they recover and run after you in the space of a few weeks/months. The question would you wait at all? I'd still date others and if no one as good comes along, there is always a possibly come-back. You aer right not to contact him though!

cantfindamnnickname Mon 26-Nov-12 21:10:21

Ok your all right - its just so strange to get such full on messages and then to go the other way completely.

No i dont think he is seeing anyone else

I'm new to all this stuff and i dont really understand why anyone would play games!

rightchoice2 Mon 26-Nov-12 21:13:36

Everything has changed now there is internet dating. I really think some guys get addicted to NEW and as soon as they have to become answerable in some SMALL way the move on. Not everyone is like this. Even if we assume he was telling the truth and is not ready it will be impossible for you to work him out if he cant work himself out yet! It is a case of live and learn.

cantfindamnnickname Mon 26-Nov-12 21:13:45

his last relationship ended may time - they had been together 3 years and he said he just didnt love her as much as she loved him.
He also has a daughter from previous r-ship that he sees all the time and has very good rship with the mother
I would be happy to wait and see what happens - im not even looking for a relationship and i think thats perhaps what has made me so upset - i wasnt looking but i started to fall for him and got carried away in thinking maybe we did have something

rightchoice2 Mon 26-Nov-12 21:17:52

Most men tell you everything you need to know when they talk about their ex, in his case she loved me a little/lot more than I loved her. See the pattern.....
Then there is the mother of his child, what happened there...... tread carefully, wise up and don't wait, don't imagine, and don't dream, he has told you how he feels, spare yourself the pain.....
that's my advice.

dequoisagitil Mon 26-Nov-12 21:18:21

Maybe his ex is back on the scene.
Maybe he's not ready to date.
Maybe he's dating others at the same time and prefers someone else.

You'll probably never know the full story - it's just one of those things. Try not to take it to heart.

hatesponge Mon 26-Nov-12 21:20:57

All that he's not into you stuff is such cobblers most of the time.

It's far more likely that he's realised he's not ready to date anyone else either because he's still not over his previous partner (bear in mind he may not have been entirely honest about the circs of their split) or because he's not looking to commit to anyone.

I met a bloke in the summer who wanted me to refer to him as my boyfriend before we'd even met. After one date he said he wasn't ready for a commitment. Turned out he was still in love with his ExW and clearly in no way ready to start seeing anyone else.

It's not nice when stuff like this happens, on the plus side it's less hurtful to go through it after a few weeks rather than a few months. You might well hear from him again, however it will probably be 6 months from now when you've found someone more available.

cantfindamnnickname Mon 26-Nov-12 21:23:22

he seemed so genuine or perhaps i am just gullible sad

allchangeplease Mon 26-Nov-12 21:27:03

yes, as in example by hatesponge, I was just going to say that maybe he still loves and pines for his Ex who is the mother of his child, especially as he still sees her a lot, and so later r-ships (including last one) just don't work for him.

allchangeplease Mon 26-Nov-12 21:29:40

OP he could have got genuinely excited/attracted to you, but it's only been 2 weeks, he may have realised he's not ready for r-ship as it was moving too fast (!) in light of him still having deep feelings for ex. I hate to say but maybe if you held back a bit (less of inviting to your house etc) then he may not have panicked, but of course you may simply want to go for someone who IS ready, not handling a man with kid gloves!

rightchoice2 Mon 26-Nov-12 21:31:47

You are not gullible to trust, but it would be gullible to hope when he has finished it by text and told you how he feels. You deserve better. At least you enjoyed some fun times. Good luck.

dequoisagitil Mon 26-Nov-12 21:33:19

Maybe he got carried away at the time and said more than he meant to. It may not have been deliberately leading you on, but more impulsive thinking.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now