Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Friends...why does this bother me so much?

(3 Posts)
2blessed2bstressed Mon 26-Nov-12 14:55:39

I had a friend, that I had been friends with for years. We did things with our kids (from when they were babies), and spent time with our dhs together as well. We lived close by to each other, and not a week went past when we didn't see each other for a good long chat.
Then I had something awful happen, and she and her dh were supportive, kind and helpful. She had another friend who I had met a few times, but didn't know well. She had a very similar awful thing happen, and over the course of a few months we became more friendly as we were in the same boat, had children at the same school, also lived near each other. Friend A did not like this one bit. But somehow it became my fault. I had "stolen" friend B from her...we were "deliberately excluding" her...it went on and on.
I tried on several occasions to clear the air with her, to find out what was really the problem, to sort it all out. To no avail. I have had no contact with her for around four years now, and we don't even speak if I pass her in the street.
Friend B agreed with me that Friend A was behaving a bit unreasonably but wouldn't address it since it was nothing to do with her. They are still good friends, and apparently friend A will occasionally ask what I'm up to.
However, this still upsets me greatly. Our lives have all moved on, quite dramatically, but I do still miss the friendship we used to have, and look back on the good times we shared with great affection. I really don't believe there is any way of sorting it out now, but I would like to be able to get past all of this, can anyone offer any advice?

VoiceofUnreason Mon 26-Nov-12 15:12:29

I'm afraid this is just the way some friendships go, sadly.

I had a good friend - we were both single when we met and spent a lot of time together. She met a fabulous chap and got married. I met my ex. They had two kids and the husband dropped dead at 38. Leant on me a lot which my ex didn't mind as we'd all socialised together.

Now, I hardly see my friend. She sees more of my ex girlfriend. I'd been with my ex for 10 years when we split 2.5 years ago. The year we first split up, my ex was invited to hers for Christmas. Not me, who was the much closer friend and had been the one she turned to of all her friends when her husband died.

I'm very sad about it. But it's just the way it's gone.

2blessed2bstressed Mon 26-Nov-12 17:05:51

But I don't think it is just the way some friendships go.....I have had other friends, where we have just drifted apart, no problems, just life taking us in another direction, but if I saw them in the street I'd stop and ask how they were, and maybe grab a quick coffee before we both went back to our own lives. This is totally different, and I think that's why it upsets me so much

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: