Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

A I mad

(22 Posts)
THERhubarb Mon 26-Nov-12 14:42:06

Last post.

OP, we don't know you and we don't know your situation. It is impossible to read what is happening from 2 or 3 short posts. I understand that you feel you simply cannot write any more, that perhaps you feel that you just don't know where to start and have lost track of what the issue is anymore.

Your dp may not be helping, he may be the cause, I don't know but I get the feeling you probably don't need any more strife in your life and you certainly are not up to any confrontation.

Every GP is different. I've had good and bad. Depression (if you don't mind the assumption here) has had a lot of publicity and is taken much more seriously than it used to be. Sometimes there is a cause and sometimes it's just life piling up on top of us to the point where we feel we just can't cope anymore.

That's the warning that tells you that you need help. Others may not see it as we get very good at putting a face on for other people.

You do need help. Go and make contact with your GP and if he/she has not been helpful in the past then sign up with someone else. Don't be afraid to ask friends or family for help. They may not have realised the extent to which you are struggling, so just ask them for support. Tell them you are struggling to cope. There is no shame in it whatsoever and it can even bring people closer together.

I only advise caution because I know that sometimes conclusions can be jumped to and when you are not in any fit state to reason with yourself, misplaced advice can be very very harmful. There is a tendency to look towards partners and in your case it might be true that he is particularly unsupportive and uncaring, or it might not be. Truth is we don't know and as Tis said, it's unhelpful to speculate. I have tried to avoid that and I apologise if I have. You sound desperate and you sound like you need help to tackle the here and now. I hope you are able to get that support and help. Remember, there is always hope, there is always someone to turn to and there are plenty of organisations out there who will listen no matter what time of the day or night.

Take care.

JamNan Mon 26-Nov-12 14:38:41

OP, please make an appointment with your GP. It might help if you write a list of your symptoms and say how bad you feel and take it with you to the appointment.

You could have an under-active thyroid so ask for blood tests as one of the signs is constant exhaustion and lethargy. Is there anyone in RL who could help and give you break?

TisILeclerc Mon 26-Nov-12 14:29:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

izzyizin Mon 26-Nov-12 14:17:03

In common with yourself, I'm calling as I see it Rhubarb and as I see no reason to take issue with your estimatation of the OP's situation and/or probems, I would be obliged if you would accord me the same courtesy.

THERhubarb Mon 26-Nov-12 14:10:33

MadBusLady, true and I don't want to split hairs. But someone who is suffering so badly that she cannot finish a post on Mumsnet, is constantly teary and just out of energy may need a little help before she can work on the external cause. That may or may not be in the form of ADs, there are many options open to her now so her first port of call really should be the GP so that she can explore her options.

The only reason I am erring on the side of caution with regards to her partner is because if I posted on Mumsnet whilst in the throes of depression you would advise me to leave my abusive partner. Yet he is not abusive, I am just paranoid and yes sometimes he gets impatient with me, sometimes he tries tough love, sometimes he doesn't understand, sometimes he can have a rant of his own.
I don't know with the OP. But I still think she needs help regardless of whether her partner is the cause. You cannot think straight or see things clearly when you feel so low. She needs help and support to clear her head and only then can she start to take control of her life and perhaps make some decisions.

Let's face it, this could be PND. It could be bi-polar. It could be the result of an abusive partner. It could be the result of isolation. It could be severe PMS. We don't know.

OP, please do visit your GP.

MadBusLady Mon 26-Nov-12 14:05:30

What kinds of things do you try to voice concerns about to your H knackered?

MadBusLady Mon 26-Nov-12 14:03:31

I have depression too. In my experience if you go to the doctors with symptoms of depression one of the first things they try to do is whether there is an external cause.

This man sounds like he could be such a cause based on what OP has said so far. He won't listen, minimises her problems, shouts at her and goes back on his word.

So I think we're needlessly splitting hairs. The above would make me pretty depressed but going to the GP would be a sticking plaster without other changes.

THERhubarb Mon 26-Nov-12 13:56:02

Right, she says she is fed up and has been for a long time. She is teary, no energy and thinks she is going mad. I agree that depression is not mentioned but the symptoms of depression are here.

Certainly if she is not suffering from depression now, should the situation continue she might find herself depressed.

We cannot say whether her partner is abusive or not. We are not there which is why it is dangerous to start telling her that her partner is all at fault. It takes the focus away from her and I truly believe that the focus should be on the OP as she does need to take action here and seek help.

I mention anti-depressants in passing as something the GP might suggest. The only reason I have done this is because many people say they won't see their GP because this is what they will prescribe.

Let's face it, we don't know if this is situational depression or not but even if it is, trying to change things whilst you feel this way is going to be nigh on impossible. Sometimes you need to treat the symptoms only and then when you can see a little clearer you can begin to treat the cause.

mammadiggingdeep Mon 26-Nov-12 13:52:15

Hugs. Hope you're day is getting better or at least you're managing ok. I have two little ones and it may be less serious than your situation but I find everything so much harder when dh and I not getting alOng well.
Can you go and stay with a friend/mum/ sister- even over night. The change will dO you good, especially if it's somebody who can help.
Look after yourself because you need your energy to cope with your dc.

TisILeclerc Mon 26-Nov-12 13:47:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TisILeclerc Mon 26-Nov-12 13:46:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

THERhubarb Mon 26-Nov-12 13:36:59

izzy, my dh would say the same things. Trust me, it's not easy living with someone who suffers from depression and I don't think it's helpful for us to wade in and encourage the blame game. We have no idea what is going on here.

The OP needs to seek help because right now, she is not able to think straight or focus on anything. Putting the blame squarely on her partner when we don't know him could inflame an already intolerable situation.

She is depressed and she needs help.

izzyizin Mon 26-Nov-12 13:34:12

...apparently I can not expect him to be perfect and I am making small issues into big issues and am unreasonable. This is after he said that he would try harder, and admitted that he had been 'horrible' to me.

It seems your h has problems focusing his attention on the matter in hand and it may be that his unreasonable behaviour will be more effectively drawn to his attention if he sees it in print on your petition to divorce.

Whatever, he needs a wake up call and you need a break from caring for 2dc and an irresponsible male. Can you take the littllies and go stay with relatives/friends for a while?

THERhubarb Mon 26-Nov-12 13:33:56

Please see your GP. If you feel this down then you need to take action. Only then can you start taking back some control. We cannot possibly advise based on what you have posted. We are not there and we can't see what is happening.

I suffer from depression too and I know that every little thing can reduce me to a sobbing wreck when I'm down. I pick on every little thing that goes wrong, the atmosphere in the house is miserable and I can barely muster the energy to get myself out of bed in the morning.

Your GP will have your medical history and will be better placed to help. I'm not a huge fan of anti-depressants but sometimes they are needed just to lift the cloud from your eyes and give you the energy you need to start making changes.

You have to start with you first. Once you feel a little better within yourself, a little saner, a little brighter, then you can start to make those changes in your life that will prevent you from getting down again. Right now you can blame your partner, your childhood, your kids, your situation etc and you may well be right, but none of those things will change unless you change yourself first.

Please see your GP, make an appointment today and make this the first step to getting your life back.

Ajaney Mon 26-Nov-12 13:28:44

Keep posting.

Aside from his behaviour, does your H help with the kids or around the house?

As Frequent said, can you get any help from family or friends to watch the kids while you have a rest/catch up on sleep?

TisILeclerc Mon 26-Nov-12 13:08:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 26-Nov-12 13:05:19

You're not going mad. You're not being taken seriously. You're being shouted at. You're being accused of being unreasonable for wanting your husband to treat you with love and respect. What you're feeling therefore is the frustration of talking to a brick wall. The only thing that will make you feel better is the removal of the bricks....

FrequentFlyerRandomDent Mon 26-Nov-12 13:04:16

Hugs from here too.

You are not mad. It sounds grim.

You are:
- shattered.
- brushed off and talked down when you try to communicate.

Anyway you can get RL help from family member or friend (I gather from your post that DH may be the source of problems rather than solution atm) to at least tackle the exhaustion? Maybe GP to check if possible PND and possible support?

knackeredknitter Mon 26-Nov-12 12:56:34

I need to step away now, and try to save some energy for dealing with my pre-schooler and is not fair that they should have a sad teary mummy.........
Thankyou for the hugs xx

knackeredknitter Mon 26-Nov-12 12:55:13

I just feel shattered. I am married and have children, two are littlies.
I am just fed up. I have been for a long time. Every time I complain to h about his behaviour towards me he give me a huge lecture about how I make every little issue into a big issue........he just doesn't listen to me.
I complained to him about him walking away from me when I am trying to talk to him, about him talking over me voice, shouting at me.........apparently I can not expect him to be perfect and I am making small issues into big issues and am unreasonable. This is after he said that he would try harder, and admitted that he had been 'horrible' to me.
I think I am going mad..........

Ajaney Mon 26-Nov-12 12:49:51

Are you married or living with a partner?

Have you got DCs? How many and what ages?

Difficult to respond to you without any details.

Sending hugs as you are obviously having a hard time at the moment

knackeredknitter Mon 26-Nov-12 12:45:46

yet another weekend has left me feeling exhausted, it shouldn't be this hard should it?
Still feeling tearful, don't have the energy to type it out.........have to dripfeed cos have no energy for anything else

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now