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I don't feel the same way about him anymore!

(173 Posts)
marvelousM Sun 25-Nov-12 20:13:48

I've only been with him just over a year, but its never really been good if I'm honest, I found him very controlling and domineering from the start, though I found him very attractive and there was a connection. He just was so used to being on his own living a batchelor life, he found it hard to be in a relationship, and there was many let down and dishonesty, he has an anger problem and shouts when he doesn't get his own way, he once threatened to throw me out of the car, post intimate pictures of me on fb, generally threatening ,so much so I once called the police. He has a short fuse and its just walking on egg shells most of the time. I don't live with him thank god, but its proving really difficult to get rid of him. I have finished it so many times at least 7 and everytime he wins me back and promises to change. I used to say I loved him but now actually I don't think I do, there's been so many threats, deception my love for him has gone but he won't take no for an answer.

I thought I would try stick things out for xmas, as we have joint xmas presents for the kids, plans made over xmas, but I'm finding it hard. I don't know why as I always thought of myself as a strong person, but he has chipped away at my confidence and made me feel I cannot cope on my own as I have no family around me so I have relied on him.

The other night he was wanting sex, I tried to put him off but he kept on about it so I went along with it, but although I used to enjoy sex with him for some reason, and I generally love sex , it was just an awful experience. It didn't feel special it was all about what he wanted oral sex for him, anal sex which I don't really enjoy it was painful, during the sex he pushed my head to give him oral sex again. He wanted me to do things I didn't want to he didn't make me but I just felt awful. I told him a little how I felt the next day, he sort of comforted me but said I analyse things too much and think too much. I felt he was telling me I shouldn't feel like that and trying to control how I should feel or am I being over dramatic! He did start shouting eventually as he said I didn't listen to him. Basically I've had enough but it is soooo hard to finish it and just thinking I will keep him at a distance as much as possible till after xmas, so not to ruin it too much. I really just need to talk to someone as I am dealing with this myself and hear other peoples opinions that maybe have been in a simular situation.

Thisisaeuphemism Sat 01-Dec-12 20:20:28

Happy for you M. Some much deserved peace!

pinkyredrose Sat 01-Dec-12 16:47:00

That's great news OP, sounds like a lovely day!

Let's hope he's finally got the message!

marvelousM Sat 01-Dec-12 16:17:04

well I had a lovely day today, just me and my daughter, my son been playing at a friends. Went to costa for a hot chocolate, bought some xmas clothes and went home did each others hair lovely, tonight all snug with some baileys and a duvet day tomorrow :-)......and not heard from HIM :-) !!!

KatieScarlett2833 Fri 30-Nov-12 21:00:34

Delayed reaction to anxiety, perfectly normal and will wear off soon.

Now you need to try to relax, not easy but if you can have a duvet day or two it will do you the world of good wink

oldwomaninashoe Fri 30-Nov-12 11:55:29

Well done you, onwards and upwards!

Erm, what has happened to the bear???

Thisisaeuphemism Fri 30-Nov-12 11:41:05

I'm not surprised you're feeling rough. sad It's been a tumultuous few days. Try and rest and think about your better future. xx

HotDAMNlifeisgood Fri 30-Nov-12 10:37:55

He's sorry for himself, not for you. Keep ignoring these texts.

Could you start phasing in a new phone number for your work contacts?

TisILeclerc Fri 30-Nov-12 09:39:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

marvelousM Fri 30-Nov-12 09:22:28

got the most terrible migraine today today :-(. not sleeping too well, he did text me in the night because he couldn't sleep, saying how sorry he is, he loves me etc

glitch Fri 30-Nov-12 08:40:13

I am amazed by just how strong you have been Marvelous. Keep going. Hoping for a lovely peaceful, christmas now for you and your children.

skyebluesapphire Fri 30-Nov-12 06:53:03

Well done

HotDAMNlifeisgood Thu 29-Nov-12 23:11:04

bloody well done, marvelous!

NettleTea Thu 29-Nov-12 18:19:40

and just to add, how fantastic for YOU that he has admitted all the abuse to the police, and they will have recorded it. So if you do need to call again, its not your word against his.
really wrong footed himself there, thinking the sob story and 'openess' with the police would win you round. They must have been laughing all the way back to the station
what a twunt

NettleTea Thu 29-Nov-12 18:17:40

that is fantastic news.
well done the police
well done Womensaid
But most of all, well done you

RichardSimmonsTankTop Thu 29-Nov-12 18:10:17

Snivelling into the letterbox and having to be removed by the police ... how pathetic. grin

You must be feeling 10 feet tall. Well done!

Excellent! wine

Thisisaeuphemism Thu 29-Nov-12 17:15:07

Yy. You have been absolutely marvellous, M.

Well done. What a twat he is.

KatieScarlett2833 Thu 29-Nov-12 17:11:27

You are an absolute inspiration and are indeed marvellous, M

Excellent work grin

marvelousM Thu 29-Nov-12 17:09:49

Well the police were great! They came while he was still here begging through the letter box to open the door. They removed him, have spoken to him and given him a warning and took a statement off me. The woman police officer is helping me with a harrasment report, and I am to record everything dates times of phonecalls, texts etc, if he comes round again I am to phone them and they have my number marked so they will respond quicker. Its scary stuff but it has to be done now I've never got this far before and I think although he is very upset he is begining to realise I am serious. However I stilll don't think he will give up just yet. He has admitted everything to the police though all the abuse etc, says he wants to stop he hates being the person he is, but the police said not to listen if he changes great but for my and the kids safety it needs to end, which of course I'm in total agreement. I am in touch with womans aid too now so I feel I have support and I'm going away with my sister for xmas.

I've got to go and sort out kids tea who are thankfully oblivious to all thats happened and I will check in later, but you guys have given me some of this strength I so badly needed so thank you x

Well done. Hope this has done the trick.

TisILeclerc Thu 29-Nov-12 16:19:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KatieScarlett2833 Thu 29-Nov-12 14:38:08

good luck with the Police

HotDAMNlifeisgood Thu 29-Nov-12 14:34:44

Good choice.

If it's any comfort, it's from the moment that the police turned up to escort my ex away from my front door, where he was hanging on the doorbell, that all his pleading and bluster stopped. I hope you get a similarly effective result.

izzyizin Thu 29-Nov-12 14:26:28

Police it is <heaves sigh of relief> It's the right and only thing to do, marvelous, because this guy is unlikely to stop pestering/harassing you of his own accord.

You've told him to leave you alone and, instead of complying with your reasonable request, he has embarked on a campaign of harassment against you.

Hopefully, involving the police will nip his unwelcome behaviour in the bud but I suspect you'll see him on periphery of your vision, as it were, for a while to come - by which I mean he'll make himself visible but will keep his distance so he can claim to the police he's 'accidentally' in the same location as yourself.

If I've 'read' him right, he's going to be a persistent fucker - let's hope I'm wrong and that the police are able to convince him to wind his neck in.

marvelousM Thu 29-Nov-12 14:15:37

ok he's just turned up as i sit here typing, ok police it is, he's doing the tears thing! I will ne picking my children up from school soon I don't want any of this when they're back. I'm off now to call the police willl let you know what happens later. Thanks guys x

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