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"Just leave me alone!!!!"

22 replies

BattlingFanjos · 25/11/2012 13:59

I split with my ex-p after almost 3 years together about 6 months ago (give or take it's all a blur!) Looking back I now know there were things he did that were so psychologically abusive I truly cannot believe I didn't see it!!
He was quite manipulative but subtly and I think it crept up on me to the point that it was blatantly obvious and malicious.

We have barely spoken over the few months as we'd split and I didn't want anymore contact. He has text a few times about little things he'd left at my house (we didn't live together) and it's all been amicable. I know he's been seeing sleeping with a few women after we split so assumed all was well and he'd moved on (he'd struggled with me saying it was over at the start). Now he's been in touch a few times via text message telling me about various problems in his life, I politely told him it wasn't what I wanted and maybe it would be better if he found a friend to talk to instead (he always used the sympathy card/guilt trip to "win me over"). He just hasn't got the message! He called me at 4am two nights ago (not drunk surprisingly) to tell me that he misses me and loves me and he's so so sorry for everything. I ended the call telling him it was out of order for him to be calling at that time. He carried on texting me to say he was getting a taxi to my house and he needed to see me. It was almost 5am!!! I went back to bed and don't think he turned up if he did, I didn't hear him lol He continued texting yesterday, all ignored, and has text me again today to tell me about some falling out with his family. I have lost it! I have sent 2 x 7 page text message too much? lol and have told him he has no right to text me anymore, he didn't take mine or my DS' feelings into consideration when he was calling and causing grief down the phone at 4am and I don't want to have any contact with him now (he's not DS' father and was just mummy's friend but obviously I was knackered yesterday which could have had a knock on effect for DS but didn't) he text me saying if he turns up he knows I'd let him in and how can he cope when he has no one else to talk to/i'm the only one, he's lonely. I'm changing my number that is a given but he is just dragging it all on! I have had enough, why is me saying "Go away. I don't want to be with you, leave me alone" just ignored? I'm just so bloody angry that I'm sat here thinking of it all again when it was put to bed and sorted as far as I was concerned.

Sorry for the long post :(

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TwinkleReturns · 25/11/2012 14:07

Abusive men do this. They want to regain control. You need to cut contact. Most phone companies (and they dont advertise this) will change the number on your sim if you call them and state that you have "fled DV" and your ex has your number. They will apply a new mob number to your sim within an hour for contracts and a few hours for PAYG phones. I strongly suggest you do this.

Every time you respond he will try harder. Even pressing the reject call button made my ex worse - at one time I was getting 100 missed calls an hour. There is no reason for you to pick up the phone to this man so dont. There is no need to answer texts. He is getting a rise out of the annoyance and reaction you are giving him.

And if he does turn up call the police. The police will come out to "prevent a breach of the peace" - he doesnt have to have done anything more than put his feet on your doorstep. You dont want anything to do with him and his ignoring that is harassment. The police will tell him this, its called "words of advice" I think.

You finished with this man so stop enabling him to "drag it on".