Could do with some advice. DP wants me out but I've got nothing and nowhere to go

[TallDwarf]

I'm a sahm to 1 DS, have no savings or car or anything to get me by. Just had a big bust up with DP and now he wants me out.
What do I do? I don't even know where to start on how to support myself and DS.
Help :(

[FivesAndNorks]

Erm if he wants a separation he needs to be the one to go
What does he suggest? Because his answer will spea;k volumes
Sorry you're going through this :( Do you have family support.

[Earlybird]

How old is your ds?

Have you done paid work previously? If so, did you retain any contacts there? Could you support yourself and ds off the wage?

What is your relationship like with your family, and are they close by?

[izzyizin]

Do you own or rent your home? Is any mortgage/tenancy agreement in joint names or his/your name alone? How old is your ds?

[Kewcumber]

Is he DS's father? I assume from the "DP" that you aren't married? If he is supporting you then he either needs to leave or he needs to pay for an alternative place for you both to live.

[TallDwarf]

We rent the house, my name is on the tenancy agreement as well. Am I allowed to stay here then even though I contribute nothing?
DS is 2 years old and I haven't worked since he was born so no chance of going back to work.

I have some family close by but I don't know if I want to involve them just yet as they are very OTT and I can't be arsed with it right now.

I just feel so naive. I don't really know much about bills or what I'd be entitled to, don't have a clue where to start.

[TallDwarf]

Yep he's DS's dad, not that you'd know it from the effort he puts in!

[dequoisagitil]

You're officially a tenant, so you have a right to be there. You do contribute, by raising the child you have together.

If he thinks he can just toss you out, he's wrong. It may be that you are better off finding yourself somewhere else to live, but for now, sit tight.

Have a look at the 'entitled to' website which will give you an idea of what you'll get through benefits. You may get housing benefit, which will pay part or all of your rent.

[wannabedomesticgoddess]

So hes effectively making his son homeless? What a prick.

He needs to leave. You stay put.

You need to get application forms for Income Support and housing benefit.

Is the CB and tax credits in your name or his?

He will also have to pay you maintenance.

I would suggest making an appointment with CAB if he keeps insisting that ypu leave.

Are you safe there? Has he ever been violent?

[LaCiccolina]

I hate to ask but is he really serious? Also does he mean u and a child? Can't u just sleep in spare room and sort it out latr?

If no, any friends nearby? Family? If no again, YMCA? Refuge? Try yellow pages for numbers .

I'm so sorry hunny, I wish could help more. Hugs. Xxx

[LaCiccolina]

If u have to, call the police. They would remove him leaving u and son there. Extreme measure but they view u two as priority. He would lose.

[TallDwarf]

I'm safe, I'd be v shocked if he was ever violent to me. EA is slightly more his style.
I think the CB may be in both our names but I don't think we get it anymore. See this is how stupid I am, I should know about this stuff! He deals with the bills, I don't know much about them.

I'm going to stay here for now until I have somewhere else properly sorted. Don't really want to use refuge as I know there's women out there in a lot worse position who really need the help.

Do I get the forms from CAB?

[wannabedomesticgoddess]

Get the forms from the jobcentre. The CAB can help you work out where you stand legally wrt the house.

[SolidGoldYESBROKEMYSPACEBAR]

He can't force you to leave immediately. If he becomes aggressive, call the police and it will be him that gets removed.
What's he doing now?Is he still angry, or is he ordering you to pack or anything? If he's calm and non-threatening, just get on with whatever you would be doing, act like nothing's happening for the moment, and seek advice first thing on Monday.

It could be that this is a bullying tactic of his ie he doesn't actually want you to leave, but he wants to threaten you with homelessness to make you obey him. So go ahead with plans to end the relationship anyway; while you are doing so be calm and polite and avoid him as much as possible.
Best of luck.

[dequoisagitil]

You'll soon get the hang of the bills etc, don't worry. Child benefit is usually paid to one person. Have you your own bank account?

[colditz]

If your name is on the tenancy and you will be the parent with care for your son, then your partner has to move out. Apply for income support, housing benefits, and a lone parent tax credit claim.

You will be fine x

[colditz]

If you don't get cb any more, then he earns over 44000

When you separate, you can restart a claim for child benefit, just for you, and the Csa will make him give you 15% of his wages in maintenance.

You are not going to starve. Don't panic.

[TallDwarf]

Thanks so much for your replies, you've really calmed me down. Will get myself to CAB on Monday and see what they say. Not as worried about the financial side now but just feel a bit sad its all over :(

[Doha]

Can you gather some evidence of hos earnings over the weekend?? payslips P45 etc..just in case you may need them in the future

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

"If you don't get cb any more, then he earns over 44000"

That's not true, CB is still being paid out to everyone regardless of earnings. It will still be paid out next year as well unless people opt out. The only difference is that the OP's partner (if he's still living with her) will be expected to declare CB on his tax return and, even then, it only gets clawed back on a sliding scale up to about £60k

If you're not getting CB OP, it means your partner is having it paid into his account & trousering the cash. I would suggest you get legal advice and quickly because this man sounds thoroughly unpleasant.

[imtheonlyone]

Contact tax credits and apply for single parents allowance too - you can get this even if you are still living together but separated. He can't kick you out. CAB will sort you out - good luck!

[AThingInYourLife]

"If you're not getting CB OP, it means your partner is having it paid into his account & trousering the cash."

Yes. There's no such thing as "both of us getting CB" unless you have multiple children are are not living as a couple.

[LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood]

If your name is on the tenancy you have a legal right to be there. But if he is making it difficult for you then you can get something from the court called an 'occupation order' confirming your right to remain.

And if he is really playing up and abusing you (emotional abuse counts too, though the court will scrutinise this closely to ensure it's more than just being upset at the breakdown of a relationship) then the occupation order can exclude him from the house for a set period of time - to give you time to make arrangements. He can still be ordered to pay the outgoings. Again the court would look closely at what he can afford. And leave him enough to live on himself.

The court has a duty to see both sides and be fair. But the needs of a financially dependent mother and child will take precedence.

It's good advice to go to the CAB. But you should also try to get a free half hour with a specialist family law solicitor. A word of mouth recommendation is worth a lot. Wishing you well.