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Well purse my fanjo, giraffes in wheelchairs and submariners going dowwwnnnn - the dating thread hits 30!

(1000 Posts)
JulietteMontague Sat 24-Nov-12 14:24:45

Off we go...

worldcitizen Sat 24-Nov-12 22:51:54

mac you're funny grin

MacAndCheese Sat 24-Nov-12 22:54:36

Are you drunk too world? wink

worldcitizen Sat 24-Nov-12 22:55:48

Sort of

worldcitizen Sat 24-Nov-12 23:02:27

No serioulsy, I am extremely happy as I have received a promotion and am just so chuffed about it.
And I am so over the moon about a guy I fancy so much, and I only will have a chance to see him this coming Wednesday at his workplace, and due to this promotion which also means moving to a different department, I won't be able to go there on Wednesdays, and am not sure, if I will see him again and I am now trying to figure out how to make a move or if I should even make one?!

Never really made a first move blush And he is younger, I assume much younger, maybe 10-12 years, so never ever fancied someone younger than myself, and am a little surprised and insecure as well.
I am getting all the glnaces, smiles and staring and all that, but well...all rambling.

questions2008 Sat 24-Nov-12 23:03:50

Ok this is my first loo update!

Location: west london
Alcohol consumed: .75 of a bottle?
Likelihood to kiss: already happened wink

No seriously, he's still cute. He even admitted he went on a date last night because he'd already arranged it. I don't have a problem with that, I'm not sure if I'd admit to it though! Thoughts, anyone?

MacAndCheese Sat 24-Nov-12 23:09:12

world why not just ask him if he'd like to go for a coffee sometime?

Ooh look at you questions wink is the conversation flowing? Are you having fun?

worldcitizen Sat 24-Nov-12 23:16:45

Can you believe it, I am so tongue-tied when I fancy someone, I get so shy and nervous and hate when that happens, but it does.

I cannot think about anything else anymore, cause I really fancy him and I got the feeling he would be interested and now I need to figure out a way to sort of find out if he really only works on Wednesdays there and then I am thinking about droping that as of next week there is no way that I can show up there (in the library) on that day or any other day during the week for that matter as I will be in a different area, so won't make it there on time.

Maybe then there wil be a reason to express something along the lines how sad it would be not see him again and maybe meet elsewhere, like for a coffee, yes that's a good idea, if I wouldn't be too nervous.

He is so much younger, and I think he has mistaken my real age or maybe not, he is still a uni studentblush

allchangeplease Sat 24-Nov-12 23:32:18

thanks for all the replies! I probably didn't explain too well, but for me the point of longer dating is not really to know whether I fancy the guy (though a scenario described by onwards happened to me too, when the guy is decent but no instanjtj chemisrty - thanks onwards - I think if your guy was proactive he should have come up with more ideas for dates).
What often happens that I do quite fancy the guy after one or two meetings but I'm not looking for just sex, so I want to know him as a person - and that inevitably takes time. I've made enough mistakes in real life situations where I jumped into relationships based on sexual attarction and than only found out how unsuitable he was - huge waste of months, sometimes years! attarction blinds you to other things, and then it's harder to leave as it's a bond of sorts. I wouldn't date anyone 10 times (dates) if I didn't find him attractive.
Also I didn't mean no holding hands/hugs etc, maybe kissing after three-four dates but not too heavy so that you don't feel like now you must sleep with him at a next meeting. So i take on board what many posters said about some tactile element. It's just how to come up with so many things to do iykwim? can anyone suggest things apart from coffee/drinks/meals where a guy could be seen as a personality more, how he responds to things. Is it impossibly with internet dating - in which case how do the success stories happen? <mind boggles>... do they just take a gamble and get involved regardless, just on their impression of the guy few times?

OhWesternWind Sat 24-Nov-12 23:37:35

Hi All Change - well, to be honest, you need to see internet dating as just the means by which you are introduced. It's no different to meeting someone at a party or via a friend - you suddenly find yourselves on a date and there you are, starting off a relationship maybe and how you met is really immaterial. The only thing different, sometimes, is that you've not had chance to observe the guy beforehand - sometimes that happens non-ID and sometimes it doesn't. So I wouldn't get hung up on that aspect of it.

The way to get to know someone is to spend time with them and talk to them, preferably in different situations. So it doesn't really matter what you do. You coudl spend time in bars, restaurants, parks, fields, houses, wherever - so long as the two of you are together and communicating you will be getting to know each other. And even if you feel you aren't, that will tell you something in itself. Maybe you're overthinking the whole thing a little? Just go with what happens, do what the two of you feel like doing and it will all work out one way or the other.

allchangeplease Sat 24-Nov-12 23:41:55

world has he got any of your contact details, so could ask you out?
I asked out a younger guy recently - sadly nothing great to report. Also was getting stares and smiles, and he did , it seems, jumped at the chance when i asked him, no hesitation, arranged the time/day at once, but when it came to the date ot was really odd - I didn't directly suggest a date, just to go and see an exhibition that he mentioned, and i met him at his place of work originally - I thought he'd me flirty etc but when we met up he behaved still quiye formal. I don't get it, as he is not that naive I'm sur as to think I was JUST after any company, but although he was nice and the chat flowed, he didn't even offered to have drinks after that. I decided that I've done my bit - and he said I should tell him when I'm next at an X place so we could go there togehter, I said that I already know when, given hin a choice of dates - but he never contacted again, and I wasn't going to chase. Ime young guys can be very fickle, and don't always know what they want, some like to be led mothered all the time and if you ask hom out he may expect initiative from you later. I just don't get excited if the guy doesn't take initiative soon.

'Course, yours may be a gem! just don't expect a lot, better to be surprised the other way round.

allchangeplease Sat 24-Nov-12 23:46:27

OhWestren, I know what you aer saying, but I find the whole situation odd if you only ever meet the two of you as if in a bubble, and you don't see what he's like with people etc - this can be very deceptive as if a man fancies you he could be on his best behaviour. That's exactlyt what doesn't happen in real life dating unless you randomly met in a bar. Also there is no intrique kind of, you have to come with answers soon and ime men from online always ask directly quite soon where it's going. I know it sounds like overthinking but I've tried the dating a few times and always come up against this! dunno, maybe some women aer great jundges of character and that way don't need to get to know him much.

worldcitizen Sat 24-Nov-12 23:47:38

Thanks allchange, that sounds uplifting and is helpful. maybe I should just try and sort of say to myself i have nothing to lose. I know I would be bothered and beat myself up afterwards if I won't take the chance. then it would be all these 'What if's?' going round in my head.

No, he has no contact details. So, did you simply ask for a date?

allchangeplease Sun 25-Nov-12 00:39:45

world, as i say i didn't directly ask for a date, but after he mentioned that thing being on, I e-mailed him and playfully said that I'm going there on his suggestion but would be nicer to go with someone knowledgeable (it's his fiekd), and was sure he'll make excuses (and didn't know if he has a GF) but he agreed and suggested the time/date. Not sure why you see my story as uplifting in hte sense that it didn't lead anywhere - but it's true that even it that's he case it's not hard to get over! if hte guy doesn't reciprocate you';; automatically cool down towards him, I'm sure , as I did - the important thing is to act quickly before you get to fantasise too much and build up some emotion towards him. I think i'm going back to older men, getting dates from dating sites now - older men are more consistent I find, and not scared to initiate/get rejected.

AndLibbyMakesThree Sun 25-Nov-12 00:40:18

Aagh, am so frustrated. Great evening - film, meal, cocktails. But just a quick kiss on lips before I had to jump on train. Think we both like each other though s
o maybe there'll be another time with a proper snog?

allchangeplease Sun 25-Nov-12 00:42:14

sorry for mistakes, falling asleep now blush - 'even if that's the case..', 'you'll' not you';;!

AndLibbyMakesThree Sun 25-Nov-12 00:46:10

questions sounds like you had good date too.
allchange I can identify with a lot of what you say. I like to get to know someone before getting too physical, but in OD it often feels like you have to make up your mind in a few dates at most.

worldcitizen Sun 25-Nov-12 00:46:46

...but it's true that even it that's he case it's not hard to get over! if hte guy doesn't reciprocate you';; automatically cool down towards him...

yep, ^^^^^^^ exactly that's why it's uplifting

Poppysquad Sun 25-Nov-12 01:39:29

Half Italian stallion delivered. Although it was 9:30 last night before he got back from dropping the kids off. I went over to his place. He cooked some food, we drank wine and enjoyed each others company (?) until about 3:30 this afternoon, when I had to get back home. Sigh.
Date 5, but he can't say when he'll be free again. He does seem really tied up with work and family. I do hope he's not stringing me on.

Walkacrossthesand Sun 25-Nov-12 08:00:13

Hi all. Update from the old lady on 'older dating'! I've had a couple of email conversations (woo hoo!) and may even meet someone for coffee today - but can someone tell me, what's with the guys who repeatedly wink, but don't send a proper personal message? In fact none of them start things going with a message with any personal (ie my profile mentioned) content at all - it's just a generic 'hi, [remarks about chemistry etc], get in touch if you like'. There's one guy who, from his profile, is unlikely to be for me - I might respond if he sent a message, but he's winked at me 3 or 4 times now! I'm thinking 'just write me a proper message you lazy sod, don't leave it up to me!' AIBU?!

48howdidthathappen Sun 25-Nov-12 09:22:49

poppy pleased you got to see your chap. I really make the time for the first few dates with someone, but then RL just gets in the way and have to slow it down. It isn't that I have gone off them, just hard to fit everything in.

Alittlestranger Sun 25-Nov-12 09:44:24

Walk you're being a little bit unreasonable, and a little bit of a lazy sod for not writing a message wink. OD is all about being proactive, if you like the look of someone you need to mark your place.

Allchange I get what you're saying but I think you might be overthinking a little. It sounds like you want to set up an assault course of dates to test various aspects of their personality. I actually think you can tell a lot from conversation and you get the "best behaviour" check from how someone interacts with bar staff etc.

What about signing up to activities where there will be other people, e.g. you could do a one day cookery or sporting course? Plus inviting him to social occassions with your friends present would be a good check but at that point you have to accept that you're giving the impression of moving beyond dating.

Ultimately you've described why some relationships peter out. You start seeing someone and then something emerges and you both know it won't work... That's just how it works, and it sounds like you're trying to put too many artificial barriers up. I think you have to except that you need quite a high level of security from a relationship and that is something you're just going to have to communicate, e.g. explaining that you won't sleep with someone outside of a serious relationship.

KirstyWirsty Sun 25-Nov-12 09:52:21

Morning all!!

Well I have date number 4 with TheAuditor on Thursday .. We are going to Body Attack and then for dinner .. It's a bit different!!

questions2008 Sun 25-Nov-12 10:31:25

Morning all..have a bit of a hangover..

libby its frustrating when you don't get a proper kiss and you want it! Hopefully when you do get round to it it'll be amazing

poppy glad he came through, sounds like you had a good time

kirsty that is different, and brave!

Walkacrossthesand Sun 25-Nov-12 10:56:50

<rushes to clarify> oh, I do send message to someone I like the look of, littlestranger - I just wonder what's going on inside the head of a guy who doesn't do the same, just winks. Repeatedly. Oh well.

Poppysquad Sun 25-Nov-12 10:56:57

Thanks questions yes I had a great times thanks. He is good fun and makes me laugh and is really sexy but has got his hands full with family stuff. I just want to be able to relax and let things take their course, instead of which I am constantly analysing things.
I am paranoid about there being other women. Isn't it ridiculous? it's all based on ExH and is activities.
He seems so open about a lot of things. I think that's the Italian in him to some extent. And he does appears to struggle to make time to see me, but has managed it. I am desperate to believe that there can't be time for others. This bloody paranoia. I

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