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Would you trust him

(18 Posts)
RiceAndP Wed 21-Nov-12 15:37:29

I,ve been mulling this over in my head for a few days and need advice again as posted earlier on this but my gut is still churning. My exp my dc father is due to have contact soon but I don,t trust him alone with dc now that he has recently beat his girlfriend up. Whats best for dc in this situation he,s never been violent to dc but the thought of what he has done has put me on edge.

DragonMamma Wed 21-Nov-12 15:43:07

Would I trust him with my DC if he'd just beat his gf up? Errr, would I hell.

I'm not sure what the norm is in these situations but I would imagine you can insist he has supervised visits if it's been reported to the police? I'm not sure what the course of action is if she hasn't.

FeuDeRussie Wed 21-Nov-12 15:44:21

No I would not trust him or want him having contact with children. Even if he insists he'd never hit his children he doesn't sound like someone I'd want influencing my DCs.

Stopthepidgeon Wed 21-Nov-12 15:52:45

No. I wouldn't trust him. Supervised visits - insist on them.

RiceAndP Wed 21-Nov-12 15:56:44

Thank you so much for replies i have been going round the twist feeling sick that dc will be with him alone. Im frightened for dc safety and mine when he finds out that I know as he is likely to kick off big style. Its just that I might not have alot of choice as the authorities (contact order) are just gonna say that he has never hurt dc before. He has been violent to me in the past and hence the reason not toghether. But I also worry what if the gf is there and it kicks off again infront of my dc.

Strawhatpirate Wed 21-Nov-12 15:58:37

No not at all. I would ring ss to get the technical details of how to switch to supervised access.

RiceAndP Wed 21-Nov-12 16:03:13

Spoke to the police but they would not elaborate further just that they had officers commited to it, even though I told them that I was scared of him and for my dc safety. They were really not much help and I feel like im on my own with this one. I don,t want dc finding out that father is a women beater I feel ashamed that poor women has gone through this.

izzyizin Wed 21-Nov-12 16:13:31

How often does contact take place? How old are the dc? Do they stay overnight with him?

When you posted before about this matter on AIBU you said I dread rocking the boat with him as it could well be next on the recieving end of a beating if I dare to change the contact to supervised he tells me all the time that he will terrorise me and this alone is sufficient to convince me that any contact your ex has with your dc should be strictly supervised at all times.

If contact has been ordered by a Court you're best advised to consult a solicitor with a view to having any such Order varied and, in the meantime, his recent behaviour would seem to be sufficient ground for you to temporarily suspend contact until such time as further enquiries have been made and/or police/SS reports as to his state of mind have been obtained.

With regard to him kicking off when he realises you know what he's done to another woman, I would suggest you present this knowledge to him in such a way that he forms the impression that the police or SS have told you - which, frankly, they should have done given that more than one set of dc are involved.

dzroxy Wed 21-Nov-12 16:21:51

I wouldn't trust him! Get out!

RiceAndP Wed 21-Nov-12 16:23:56

Its going to be the whole court arena thing again and him intimidating me in there.its been three years of court and I dont think i want to put dc through supervised contact again as dc will ask me why this has happened. How the hell do you sugarcoat over the fact that he is a women beater. Why did he bloody have to do this he is just an angry man that should grow up.

Proudnscary Wed 21-Nov-12 16:34:00

NO WAY

RiceAndP Wed 21-Nov-12 16:36:54

Proudnscary do you mean no way as in dc should not go with him. I,m kind of not knowing what to do here as its not me or dc directly involved

izzyizin Wed 21-Nov-12 16:37:20

How many dc do you have, how old are they, and do they stay overnight with him - if so, how often and for how long?

izzyizin Wed 21-Nov-12 16:39:35

How did you find out what he's done to the other woman? Does she have dc by him too?

mummytime Wed 21-Nov-12 16:47:10

The bottom line is if you let him have unsupervised contact and SS find out they will not be happy, and will consider you are not taking adequate steps to safeguard your children.

RiceAndP Wed 21-Nov-12 16:48:05

one dc is 11 years old and contact is every other weekend for 5 hours with no overnights. A mutual friend told me and I have said not to let on that I know of this as the friend is concearnd for our safety. she does not have any dc with him but is now in a place of safety. but as I said what if she gets back with him ( he is very manipulative) and he flips out again when dc could be with them.

izzyizin Wed 21-Nov-12 17:02:22

What evidence do you have to substantiate your assertion, mummytime? If SS or the police had any concern for the OP's welfare or that of her dc, they'd have been in contact with her and the fact that the OP heard of his activities via the grapevine is lamentable speaks for itself.

izzyizin Wed 21-Nov-12 17:15:42

Do you have a solicitor, Rice?

As I've said, IMO you have sufficient ground to suspend contact pending further information as to his current state of mind: my reasoning being that you need to know to what extent, if any, his violent assault on the woman who is now in a place of safety may have been occasioned by his relationship with you or any other women who (in his mind) he has cause to be angry with and to what extent, if any, he poses a threat towards you/the dc.

I take it that he expects to have contact with the dc this coming weekend? May I suggest you visit www.rightsofwomen.org.uk and give the advice line a call (it's open from 7-9pm tonight) to gain another legal perspective on this matter.

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