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So so down not sure what's happening to us

(44 Posts)
Whatshappenedtous Tue 20-Nov-12 21:14:47

I'm new to mums net was recommended by a friend. I seem to having a real rough time with my fiancée.
In the last couple of months he has been talking to me like a child picking fights with me and turning every thing I say into the opposite of what I mean.
We are not getting on at all and to be honest it's started to wear me down I feel so low we argue and he puts me down calling me names like dumb bitch and worthless
I feel like I can't talk to him and like he wants a seen but not heard wife ??
I'm so so unhappy the hardest thing is we have 2 young DD together and have been together for 4 years.
He has threatened he would make my life hell if we split and he would take my girls.
Also when we argue he says I have to understand him and shut up and get on with life.
I don't understand how to make this work sad sad

Chubfuddler Tue 20-Nov-12 21:16:43

I don't think you can make that work. He sounds horrible frankly.

EdithWeston Tue 20-Nov-12 21:20:35

It sounds a horrible situation for you.

If his behaviour changed markedly two months ago, do you have any idea why?

LittleEdie Tue 20-Nov-12 21:21:11

Do you want to marry this man?

hildebrandisgettinghappier Tue 20-Nov-12 21:22:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Anniegetyourgun Tue 20-Nov-12 21:23:56

You can't make it work when only one of you wants to. Why does he think he will get your girls? He's one parent, you're the other. Unless you live in a country where men have all the rights to children? If you're in the UK, it simply isn't true.

Yama Tue 20-Nov-12 21:25:02

This is not a nice man Whatshappenedtous. Not nice at all. This is not your fault.

dequoisagitil Tue 20-Nov-12 21:34:15

As Annie says, he is lying when he says he can take your dc away if you live in the uk. don't marry him - it will make him worse - think he owns you, which he already does anyway, but worse.

it cannot work if you are the only person compromising.

granniegrunt Tue 20-Nov-12 21:38:32

Calling you those names is horrible. If you let him get away with that he will keep doing it because he can. Stand up to him.

Whatshappenedtous Tue 20-Nov-12 21:39:44

He has been very much like this since our DD's came along. Like today for instance his brother came over and he completely spoke to me differently like I was someone who didn't matter to him but then when his brother goes he turns all nice again I said to him when u came down earlier I was talking to you and you ignored me! So are you talking to me now! I said it in a jokey way and he blew up sad told me I was a fucking drama queen and hasn't spoken to me all night sad just makes me so frustrated angry

Whatshappenedtous Tue 20-Nov-12 21:41:36

Plus he says I am the one who has to change but I don't understand why or how

AnyFucker Tue 20-Nov-12 21:43:42

I don't think you should even be trying to make this work.

This relationship is a terrible example to your precious daughters.

Are there any signs of a some sort of life you are not privy to ? Secrecy with his phone, unexplained absences, long hours on the internet ? I am thinking something has triggered his detachment from you and him finding reasons to devalue you. An affair, or several of them. Sorry.

tribpot Tue 20-Nov-12 21:46:46

It sounds as if you haven't read the replies you've had so far - apologies if you're reading them now and just needed to vent first.

How can you make this work with someone who appears not to value you at all as a human being?

Whatshappenedtous Tue 20-Nov-12 21:50:30

I completely understand all your replies but feel very trapped to leave I hope you all understand where I am coming from maybe I love him and he doesn't love me sad so upset right now

2andout Tue 20-Nov-12 21:54:02

My live, his treatment of you is classic emotional abuse. Get support and get out. As soon as you can. X

2andout Tue 20-Nov-12 21:54:55

*love (stupid sausage fingers)

hildebrandisgettinghappier Tue 20-Nov-12 21:55:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

granniegrunt Tue 20-Nov-12 21:56:29

its terrible when you are not talking, nothing gets solved. Doesn't even matter if you are shouting at each other as long as you are communicating. Its when you are not speaking at all that you have real problems!

hildebrandisgettinghappier Tue 20-Nov-12 22:01:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whatshappenedtous Tue 20-Nov-12 22:03:25

It is the silence that kills it. It makes me feel young like my dad use to make me feel.....
I try to talk but he hold a grudge for days

Whatshappenedtous Tue 20-Nov-12 22:03:57

Life in our house after post argument is torture sad

granniegrunt Tue 20-Nov-12 22:04:19

Ive been married for 38yrs...relationships aren't easy...they take a lot of work and give and take. Don't fall down at the first hurdle but don't let him abuse you either. You must stand up to him when he talks to you like that. Let him know you mean business and wont be walked all over and never make threats you are not prepared to carry out.

Damash12 Tue 20-Nov-12 22:07:08

Get the hell out of this relationship. It sounds awful and I know I'm not stuck in it so it seems easier for me to say it but this will drive you crazy, undermine you and get harder the longer it continues. This is abuse and you will be happier with your girls away from it. Good luck x

hildebrandisgettinghappier Tue 20-Nov-12 22:08:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dequoisagitil Tue 20-Nov-12 22:12:26

The silent treatment is abusive.
Verbal abuse is unacceptable.
He has told you directly that he doesn't want you to express your feelings or pain and that you should STFU and put up with it.

This is not a man that loves you.

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