When we got together 4 months ago we couldn't keep our hands off each other. Whenever we got to spend the night together we'd have sex 3/4 times a night and then in the morning too, it was amazing! Then after a bit it got to the point were when we spent the night together, we'd have sex but just the once and then sleep. Fair enough, didn't expect him to keep up that pace forever.
Then it got to the point where if we spent 3 nights a week together, we'd just have sex on one of those nights. That's where we are now. Plus, I feel like it's always me that instigates it. He NEVER instigates sex other than kissing me, judging my reaction and then carrying on kissing me hoping it will lead to sex. He never touches me spontaneously, if I have my back to him he'll never instigate sex - it's like he'll only "go for it" if he's been given a clear green light by me kissing him longer than normal.
It's gotten a bit boring too. Foreplay is exactly the same each time. We start off in the same position each time, we finish up in the same position each time - it's almost become a script we follow.
If we'd been married for years - yeah I could understand it going a bit stale but it's only been 4 months!! I feel like he's not attracted to me. In fact, I wonder if I stop instigating sex at all, will we ever have sex again??
No it's not right. Takes time to get to know each other but a new partner really isn't meant to be that much hard work. Neither is sex meant to get that boring, that quickly. When the shagging goes awry this early on in a relationship I think it's god's way of saying.... leave the bastard.
I do like him and I'm willing to be the instigator in spicing things up a bit but I don't know where to start to be honest. I'm not that experienced or confident myself but I am saddened that what started out as an exciting sex life has diminished into what I would class as "married too long sex".
Maybe we see too much of each other?? is 3 nights a week too much at 4 months? Should I cool it a bit and give him a chance to miss me? I don't know. He says all the rights things, doesn't sound like he's getting fed up of me - it just seems like he's "settled" into it far too early iyswim?
band - repeating my question, have you talked to HIM about it?? What any of us say is guesswork based on very little info and anything you propose to us is mere guesswork. Maybe there is a specific reason for his reticence?
I agree, it seems odd to 'go off' this soon. But if you were happy enough shagging like rabbits right from the start, you should be confident enough in broaching the subject with this guy. Unless you don't see this guy as a potential long-term relationship, in which case, why bother - just move on.
I've been with someone for 4 months too. If anything, and if possible, the sex is getting more frequent and more full on. We both just seem to have adapted to having sex 5 or 6 days a week, often more than once, and we never really calmed down.
That said, we also do pretty much literally everything else together too. Not like shopping and stuff but just vegging around each other reading the paper etc.
It should feel suffocating but it doesn't, it's just nice to have undemanding company. If I want my space back I just go home, which is not very far away. he doesn't get arsey about this because he doesn't get arsey about anything but also I guess because it's not far away.
What's the rest of it like? Are you bestest buds? Relationships seem to have a sort of natural life span and then you've exhausted the other's possibilities. If you're lucky it's 50 years, if not it's 4 months. I think if it's getting jaded already, it's fizzling out.
You had fun, I think you'd feel better if you ended it rather than letting it drift or waiting for him to, IYSWIM.
Sounds like the relationship is shifting into platonic mode. It might be useful to see if there's a tendency for either (or both) of you to assume family roles from your past, i.e. parent-child, or siblings. That will stop the sex pretty quickly.
You are heading towards your sexual peak, he is well past his. Men at 40 don't want as much sex as they did when they were 20 on the whole. There will be the odd exception but the norm will be that age will reduce his appetite.
If you like him and enjoy each others company is it really such a big deal?
Maybe could do with a bit of variety but you can work on that.