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Does this adult/dc relationship seem odd???

(134 Posts)
Movingforward123 Tue 20-Nov-12 09:15:04

I am a single parent and have at times lived at my mums with my dd and my mums partner! My mum is 55 partner is 32!

My dd is 5 and I am uncomfortable with the relationship between her and my mums partner! He is generally very quiet but has always seemed close to dd, which I was fine with because she practically grew up in my mums house and still spends a lot of time there!

In the summer I became uncomfortable when dd went away with my mum and her partner! When they came back he seemed very close to dd and I just didn't like how they played together and it all seemed to close for comfort.

I had spoke to my mum about this and told her I don't want dd sleeping in my mums bed with my mum and partner as its not right for a grown man to sleep with a 5year old that he is not related to.

A couple of weeks ago dd told me that they had all slept in the same bed again! So I feel like my mum is not respecting my wishes!

Also in the summer after the holiday I noticed the partner was asking my dd for kisses and when she kissed him they kissed on the lips. I spoke to my mum and told her this is not acceptable and have since noticed that he now kisses her on the cheek!

I just feel a grown man should be making the boundeaies with a child but instead find myself telling dd, don't kiss him etc!

I think I will have another chat with my mum about it and possibly the partner too.

izzyishavingababyAGAIN Wed 21-Nov-12 12:24:28

quietly yes - sadly I agree.

therhubarb yes it happens - SS have no power of removal unless here is a conviction despite trying to give a different impression. They can only suggest.

izzyishavingababyAGAIN Wed 21-Nov-12 12:25:16

Lol procrastinating

imogengladhart Wed 21-Nov-12 13:21:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

izzyishavingababyAGAIN Wed 21-Nov-12 13:42:11

Again sadly I concur. My conclusion is nothing could have kept my DCs safe from the monster in the house. I did everything as advised.

DH and I are vigalant good people and parents - and still this happened under our noses - and we didn't have a clue.

I was one of the most cautious people and it terrifies me as I now know - nothing I did kept the DCs safe and I don't know how to ensure their safety in the future.

perceptionreality Wed 21-Nov-12 13:49:26

I haven't read the whole thread and I'm sorry to be blunt but why are you letting your dd go on holiday with someone who you feel may be abusing her??

Why is she sleeping in the same bed as him? You sound quite detached from the situation and you need to take control and get her away from him if you have any inkling that his behaviour towards her is inappropriate.

THERhubarb Wed 21-Nov-12 13:56:45

izzy, again there is only so much we can do. These are children which is why they are targeted by adults who can intimidate, who are clever, who cover their tracks well.

Nobody believed me when I said that my stepdad was cruel to me. My mother fostered children (still does), they both went to church, he would help anyone who needed it, he loved little kids and more importantly, he made my mum happy and I was seen as a kid who was jealous of him, who was out to cause trouble, who lied, who was denying her mum happiness, etc. No-one heard the comments he made to me, no-one saw the looks he gave me. Even now, my dh will often say "but he's always been nice to me." There's this attitude that if someone is nice to them, that's all the evidence they need to decide that he is innocent and I am paranoid/a drama queen.

That's why I put quite a lot of emphasis on those instincts of ours. On first impressions. Yet nothing will guarantee your childrens safety. Nothing. What we do need is to bang on and on and on about it and demand that social services, the police, the government take action and start listening to our children because as we know, even when children DO speak out, they are not always believed.

imogengladhart Wed 21-Nov-12 14:09:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Xales Wed 21-Nov-12 17:11:41

Also as some have pointed out your mother is involved.

My mother used to let my step father pin me to the wall aged 5 as it was easier for her than dealing with his temper.

Your mother is already dismissing your opinion you cannot trust or rely on her at all.

Xales Wed 21-Nov-12 17:12:47

He pinned me to the wall by my throat. Meant to make that a little clearer.

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