Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

What would you do...

(6 Posts)
Heartstart Tue 20-Nov-12 00:35:34

So my life is a bit stressful at moment.
DM is v ill and is sole carer for DD who has dementia. SHe is refusing any help and is cross with me for saying they need it
DMIL is ageing and has breast cancer
DS has just been diagnosed with mild dyspraxia and hypermobility
DSIs is driving me nuts re Xmas
BF in deep depression follwoing death of her son
I hate job
I had heart attack earlier in year due to stress
DH has always been a big drinker (lager and red wine no spirits) and it is a source of friction I have been worried that it has increased recently
Yesterday I was tidying up and found a Tesco receipt from last week that showed he had bought a bottle of Southern Comfort
I dont like it and he always swears he doesnt drink spirits. I asked him this pm what he bought it for and he eventually said"because I like it", I asked where it was and he faffed about, then said in place we keep all out drink.

I asked him when did he drink to he couldnt/wouldnt answer

I cant sleep so have checked and there is a full bottle there but also a small nearly empty half bottle

mameulah Tue 20-Nov-12 01:03:48

I would wait, let the moment pass. Gather my thoughts.

Then I would organise a time, when I had worked out exactly what I wanted to say, and have it out with him.

kittyandthegoldenfontanelles Tue 20-Nov-12 02:34:09

Do you think he's drinking in the day when caring for the children?

I'm sorry you've got so much going on at the moment, but this means he has too of course. Not that this would excuse lying about secret drinking. It all sounds very stressful.

Great advice above about collecting thoughts.

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 20-Nov-12 07:50:46

You need to talk. When life is this stressful you need to be acting as a team, not one person creating more stress than necessary. If your DH's drinking levels have been a bone of contention for a long time, and now you find out he's drinking in secret, you need to put that firmly on the table as a major cause for concern. Outline a) how it adds to the stress and b) the consequences if he carries on in the same way. I think the ball is then in his court to address the problem. If he opts to get help ... great. If he dismisses it again... carry through the consequences.

ClareMarriott Tue 20-Nov-12 20:04:11

Dear Heartstart

Yes, you have got a lot on your plate at the moment and unless you want another heart attack, what I would suggest you do is if your DMIL has a husband, leave it to him to look after her now she is ill and if your BF has other people in her life to help her get over her son's death, then let them. What you need to do is concentrate on your own family so speak to your DH about his drinking and how you are both going to tackle your DS's conditions. Then, even though you might hate your job, you do have a job so stick with it for the time being and see if you can change anything in the New Year. Lastly, not sure why your Dsis is going crazy over Christmas as there is still a month to go but if she is an adult, she should be able to sort it out herself. Good luck

Heartstart Tue 20-Nov-12 22:28:52

Hi all thanks for advice. Had a brief chat this am where dh admitted wrong. Had to go tomworkso will discuss with him at weekend when ds out and have time.

DMiL is in home and widowed

DSis just doing my head

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: