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pregnant and alone

(62 Posts)
winkle1990 Mon 19-Nov-12 19:38:02

hi everyone i have literally just this morning found out im roughly 6 weeks pregnant, just over a week ago i broke up with the father because he was controlling, accusing and wouldn't give me any breathing space, after he left he was very abusive and threatening via txt message to me and my mum. Needless to say my mum detests him now and says if i get back with him she dont know if she can stick around. and that i am not allowed to tell him about the baby because it will be another way of him controlling me, so the one person who should be supporting me wont be ( he already has 4 other children and he is 23) Also I already have a daughter from a previous relationship who has just turned two. i feel like im at a loss, im lonely without him and was tempted to give him a second chance but after what my mum, iv also gone on his facebook and seen he has sent about 15 different girls messages with his number to txt, im absolutely devastated i dont know what to do at all, i dont see how i can go through the pregancy and have this baby without telling him but if i do i run the risk of losing my mum, so far i feel as if its going to do nothing but cause problems, whatever i choose im at a loss, as my mum says me and the babies deserve so much better than him which is true but im so overwhelmed by doing it all on my own (before i found out me and my mum were making plans about me and my daughter moving back in with mum and today finding out im pregnant she has decided she doesnt think she will be able to cope with it) i really dont know what to do i just feel so alone iv got no one who understands. i see what my mum is saying as it is quite true, she calls him a mother's worst nightmare, but i cant help that i love him and miss him and want him to be there for our baby, i just dont know what to do :'(

akaemmafrost Tue 20-Nov-12 13:09:33

Who is pushing her to keep the baby? You've done that a few times on this thread quint exaggerate responses that disagree with your own in order to undermine them confused. As I pointed out in my last post NO ONE is being fluffy and Molly coddling just like NO ONE is encouraging the OP to keep a child she may not want. You are actually making that up to justify your position.

I am TOTALLY pro choice, but it is not mine or anyone else's place to suggest a termination to a pregnant woman. I also feel it has been presented as pretty much the ONLY thing to do in this case by a couple of posters and not as an explore all your options suggestion.

OP's Mum sounds pretty sensible too, I am hope she will be helping her daughter to decide the best way forward.

TwinkleReturns Tue 20-Nov-12 13:15:09

Hope you are ok OP.

NotQuintAtAllOhNo Tue 20-Nov-12 13:15:26

Sorry Akaemma, I disagree with your interpretations of my posts on this thread, regards to exaggeration of others posts. I am stating my opinion, but feel free to continue picking on me if that is what you want.

ShamyFarrahCooper Tue 20-Nov-12 13:16:08

Am sorry you are going through this am horrified by what izzy has said to you please don't have a termination it's not your fault he was abusive and it's certainly not your babies fault. It's normal to be emotional in pregnancy I don't think you shud be with this guy but understand where you are coming from. Hugs xx

Ah yes Pearly, your advice is so much better...saying 'please don't have a termination' to a stranger online is one of the shittiest things I've read.

IMO the OP needs to figure out what she wants to do. FWIW her mum is right about the ex being a waste of space. However OP, you need to stop telling us what those around you think and tell us what you think.

TwinkleReturns Tue 20-Nov-12 13:18:20

Shamy I dont think there's much chance of OP feeling like she can do that now. Which is really not on.

akaemmafrost Tue 20-Nov-12 13:19:57

Picking on you? confused

I've directly quoted your posts, which were telling us how others were responding to the OP when that just was not happening and i stand by what i said.

I'll bow out now I certainly don't want to be perceived as picking on someone.

EuroShopperEnergyDrink Tue 20-Nov-12 13:20:13

Come back OP sad

NotQuintAtAllOhNo Tue 20-Nov-12 13:20:17

Thanks Shamy, for finding the example I thought for a moment I had imagined.

PeppermintPasty Tue 20-Nov-12 13:32:57


The sad thing is the OP isn't getting support to make whatever decision she needs to make. It sounds like your mother (though she may have the best motives) wants to control you too!

Please do go to your gp if you feel you can talk to them freely. Hopefully they are clued up and will refer you on to someone you can talk to in depth.

You say you're lonely (without him). What about friends, any good/great ones you can turn to? This advice is all a bit wishy washy, but I feel like it is very early days and that you need to get over the hump, if you know what I mean-get over the hard bit which is missing him(I agree with everyone else about him that's for sure), so you can concentrate and try to see clearly wrt the pregnancy.

Please come back on here for support, if you can bear it!!

Stressed81 Tue 20-Nov-12 14:19:52

Hi I started another thread because my partner walked out on me I am now 21 weeks pregnant. If you need to talk then im here,be comforted that your not the only one. I decided to keep my baby and if Im honest even now I wonder if I made the right choice. I will do my best to provide a loving stable environment for him when he arrives but I will be honest Im scared. Decide whats best for you and your child

SolidGoldYESBROKEMYSPACEBAR Tue 20-Nov-12 22:16:13

Someone suggested tactfully early on in the thread that the OP consider whether or not she wanted to continue the PG, which was fair enough. Then half a dozen people started screaming 'Have an abortion you stupid cow, stop relying on taxpayers' money' which understandably got the OP horribly upset.

No woman should feel obliged to continue a pregnancy she doesn't want, but equally no woman should feel she ought to terminate her pregnancy because it would inconvenience or offend other people.

MakeItALarge Wed 21-Nov-12 01:55:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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