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My rapist has been released

(19 Posts)
EnCeeForThis Mon 19-Nov-12 18:44:01

I didnt know where to put this, so put it here.

I was raped at the age of 14 by an older man who regularly raped me on and off over the next 10 years. It is a complicated and depressing story.

He was imprisoned in 2002, for an unrelated crime. I was told he had received a life sentence, and am not sure how it works - I know life can mean 12 years etc but not sure how sentences are reduced or whatever. Anyway, I found out today, via FB of all things, that he has just come out of prison.

I am absolutely crushed by this news. I just feel so frightened knowing he is out there. I am going through a very difficult period in my life as it is, and this news just seems to have rocked me completeky. I havent been able to eat, sit still, do anything constructive at all today. I am a complete zombie.

The worst thing is, I have never told anyone about what he did to me (well, I told an ex boyfriend many years ago but we are no longer in touch), so I have nobody to talk to about this. My husband doesnt know (our marriage is currently going through a difficult patch as it is), none of my friends or relatives know....I feel so alone and so burdened with these terrible memories I thought I had buried and an awful fear inside that somehow he will find me and hurt me.

I dont really know what I am asking for. I just wanted to share this with somebody.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 19-Nov-12 18:48:36

Why don't you share it with real people instead of feeling alone and burdened? With the best will in the world, you need real life support rather than well-meaning internet strangers. You could still report this man to the police, of course.

MatureUniStudent Mon 19-Nov-12 18:52:05

Perhaps being so incredibly brave and sharing this with MN can help you to think about reporting him to the police? And I so very sorry you have been through such an appalling time and I think you are extremely strong for posting this here. Can you talk to anyone? Perhaps a GP or a nurse at your doctors surgery? Or even a help line? anyway - deep respect to you.

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows Mon 19-Nov-12 18:57:13

I am so sorry for everything that you have been through. It must be an awful shock to find that this man is out. Do you think you could talk to someone in RL?

amillionyears Mon 19-Nov-12 19:01:01

I agree that you have been brave to speak about this on here.
Cogito, after speaking on here, she may be able to tell someone in rl.
Soemtimes people have to do things one step at a time.

Are you living in the same town as the man that was released?

HalloweenNameChange Mon 19-Nov-12 19:08:39

Do you think speaking to the police could help you feel better? Give you some power that he took away?

So sorry you are feeling this way right now and for everything you went through. If you have mutual friends (assumin you do if you found out via FB) I suggest taking some practical steps to make sure you don't run in to this guy again.

AnyFucker Mon 19-Nov-12 19:14:55

0808 802 9999 (Rape crisis, if you are in England and Wales)

They are very good. I am very sorry this happened to you, and now all those memories are being stirred up again x

suburbophobe Mon 19-Nov-12 19:22:01

I'm so sorry you're going through this. You were horribly abused.

Just when you think you've left it behind (although not really), it rears its ugly head again.

I can understand you tried to bury it and not approach family with this.

Please get in touch with

EnCeeForThis Mon 19-Nov-12 19:27:15

Who should I tell?

My parents are both old and sick. My marriage is on the rocks, so I dont feel I can tell my DH. How do you you ring up a friend and say 'oh, by the way, I was raped repeatedly for years and now the guy is out and I am scared...'?

I honestly do not know who to tell.

I didnt report him to the police at the time because I honestly honestly believed that if I did, he would kill me or someone close to me to get to me. He was imprisoned for attempted murder as far as I know, so I now know he really was and is capable of it. It doesnt inspire me to go through a long, drawn out traumatic reliving of the whole thing with the police that the COS will probably chuck out anyway. I definitely do not have the strength for that. Sorry.

I will contact Rape Crisis. That is a good idea, thank you.

EnCeeForThis Mon 19-Nov-12 19:27:57


ChickensHaveNoEyebrows Mon 19-Nov-12 19:32:18

What about the Samaritans? Just for someone to listen? They might even be able to put you in touch with a counselling service. I'm not going to tell you to go to the police if you don't feel you can, but I hope that you know that you would be taken seriously if you ever did choose to do so. I believe you, EnCee, and I'm sorry that you are hurting x

amillionyears Mon 19-Nov-12 19:48:09

op, do you have anyone at the back of your mind, who you are thinking, well , that person may be ok to tell?
Even if you havent seen that person in a long while?

MatureUniStudent Mon 19-Nov-12 19:57:59

If you were my friend, I'd listen. I learnt the hard way that friends want to help you and dont mind being the person you lean on and infact like to be supportive and do something positive to help you. Friends are there to support you and you have take the first bravest step - telling strangers on line. All of us support you with the comments givein to your post and I would suggest, that even from the press and media, attitude to historic rape claims are greeted with belief and respect. Perhaps work up to trying to talk to a rape crisis helpline and a friend in RL?

44SoStartingOver Mon 19-Nov-12 20:33:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker Mon 19-Nov-12 20:35:28

If I were your friend, I would listen too

izzyizin Mon 19-Nov-12 21:33:46

'Life' can mean a shockingly few number of years. However, if he was given a life sentence he will have been released on licence and for the duration of his natural life he is subject to being recalled to prison to continue serving his sentence.

It may not give you much consolation but lifers are rarely keen to return to jail and, to that extent, he has far more to fear from you than you do from him as any threat he may make to you will ensure his immediate recall, either while questions are asked or for permanent disposition of the key.

BerylStreep Mon 19-Nov-12 21:52:59

Wish I could be more use, but just wanted to say I am so sorry to hear this.

A friend of mine testified against her rapist 20 years after it happened, and he was convicted. So many other people came forward and gave evidence too.

I understand that you don't want to get involved with court proceedings, but it could be beneficial for you to speak to the police anyway. They can help with putting you in touch with some counselling.

chipsahoynicki Tue 20-Nov-12 16:28:30

Please tell someone, i had a similar story, long term abuse, starting at 14yrs old. I'm currently in counselling 8yrs after since it ended and have been slowly telling my DH what happened. I'm starting to widen my circle of trust, I've told my minister and a friend. Consider contacting Rape Crisis if you can't tell family or friends. It took me getting professional support before I could tell my husband.

I'm so so sorry you went through this, please seek some help, you deserve to feel safe and you deserve to heal.

amillionyears Tue 20-Nov-12 19:23:49

How are you today, EnCeeForThis?
Were you able to manage to ring Rape Crisis?
Or to pluck up courage to speak to anyone?

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