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Mysterious medical conditions that disappear after bad relationship ends

(62 Posts)
bouncyagain Mon 19-Nov-12 13:11:34

I am interested if other MNers have experienced anything like this.

I was with Ex DP for over ten years. About a year in, I developed a skin condition. It was unpleasant but not debilitating. I went to the GP lots of times, tried lots of different creams and so on. Nothing really worked. Ex DP always said it was caused by the clothes I wore, or that I didn't dry properly after showering and so on.

Then Ex DP ended the marriage. I met new DP. New DP noticed skin condition the first time we were unclothed, but did not say anything. By second time, it had gone. It has not come back. That was over a year ago. I am completely healed.

I now realise that the cause was the stressful relationship.

Have other MNers had a similar experience? I also share this as a happy story for any MNers who are in horrible stressful relationships that if the stress is removed then perhaps the medical condition may improve too.

NedZeppelin Mon 19-Nov-12 18:20:24

I have been going through a terribly stressful family issue for the last 18 months or so and have had constant niggling health problems during this time. I know the issue is contributing to these. Interesting to read others experiences.

Springhasarrived Mon 19-Nov-12 20:02:37

My asthma, diagnosed about 3 years ago is loads better since Twunt left. Start of asthma coincided with start of his affair with dog obsessed woman. Bastard must have realised but couldnt give a sh*t. (professional understanding).

cinnamonbun Mon 19-Nov-12 20:33:28

I got terrible eczema following a difficult break-up a few years ago. To the point where I literally couldn't stop scratching, got infections everywhere and had to be hospitalised for a week.

I met my husband to be a while later and my skin condition disappeared in about two weeks. It's been fine the last few years but occasionally flares up when we go through rough patches.

Kundry Mon 19-Nov-12 21:43:52

In defence of the GPs, most know perfectly well that lots of depression is caused by shit relationships. They may also know that yours is caused by a shit relationship. However lots of their patients don't want to acknowledge this and would rather have a magic pill than face the responsibility of splitting up with a partner or changing their own behaviour and responses.

Given the GP only has 10 minutes max with you, the most they can hope for is that you might figure it out in counselling, or when the antidepressants kick in and you can see the world a bit more clearly, or over time they might build the sort of relationship with you where you could share this. After all, imagine going to see a new GP with a rash and them asking you if your partner was abusive - lots of people would complain the GP was rude. And how many times do you see someone posting on here about their 'lovely DH' and getting upset when another poster points out that they really aren't lovely at all. For a GP that can take you into complaints about the practice, to the PCT, to the GMC etc etc - I've had people complain about me and even when you know it's groundless, it is soul destroying dealing with them and some people get very vitriolic and personal despite you knowing you were only doing your best to help.

I'm not a GP but I have friends who are and they often feel powerless to do anything other than give anti-ds, when they know the real problem is a shitty relationship but they have no chance of getting the person to see it. They are GPs, they don't have magic powers!

lovemenot Tue 20-Nov-12 01:27:50

My sister was crippled with neck and shoulder pain that her doc was reluctant to call fibromyalgia.....she divorced her fw a year ago and all her pain is gone and she is running 5 or 6 miles a day!

LesserOfTwoWeevils Tue 20-Nov-12 02:37:14

Mysterious gynaecological problems—constant spotting, pain, soreness

NightFallsFast Tue 20-Nov-12 08:13:37

Round of applause for kundry. I'm a GP and GPs round here tend to call it 'shit life syndrome'. Many people come to the doctor for a magic fix. After discussing their current stress and ways to manage it I'll usually ask what they were wanting from the consultation. Not infrequently it's a tablet to help them deal with the stress rather than approaching the cause if the stress head on. Often it takes many moths of rapport building before I can really dig deeper without causing offence or upset. Part of that rapport building can be to give a low dose anti depressant and review it every few weeks, therefore building a relationship in the process.

colditz Tue 20-Nov-12 08:15:59

I had ibs so bad that it was like pooping water, seven or eight times a day. I had it for two years. Three days after the police came to take him away, in fact the very day I put down a deposit for a flat for him so he had no excuses not to go, it stopped, and it never did come back, ever again.

ThereGoesTheYear Tue 20-Nov-12 13:42:24

I had eczema and was very underweight. Within a few months of leaving abusive ex I became a healthy bmi, and eczema disappeared.

DD's longstanding stammer disappeared in the same time period. That made it very hard for me to believe that I'd protected her from the chaos when we still lived with ex sad

LemonDrizzled Tue 20-Nov-12 13:49:14

My Ex MIL was admitted to hospital with a Pyrexia of Unknown Origin and after all the tests came back negative they diagnosed Marital Problems. That was back in the 1970s. They were right! She was in an abusive relationship.

betrayedandwobbly Tue 20-Nov-12 13:57:05

Not exactly a medical condition, and I am still only two weeks post-discovery, but I have noticed despite the absolute devastation of my moods and ability to cope, I am actually much easier around the children. I think it's the effect of knowing what's wrong and struggling with the real problems, rather than the corrosive effect of playing against a loaded deck.

Furoshika Tue 20-Nov-12 13:59:47

Reading this makes me quite worried.
I think I need to see the doctor about my health, but I don't want to have her think 'shit life syndrome' and suggest ADs as a first resort.
I've been putting it off for months because of this.

Kundry Tue 20-Nov-12 15:07:54

Furoshika - do you have a 'shit life' that you are wanting a magic answer for? It sounds like you have a health problem that you have thought about seriously and acknowledge that there may be psychological elements to it as well as physical ones.

How well do you know your GP? Are you the sort of person who is there every week saying things aren't perfect or do you never see them for months? If the later, doctors are actually told in training to take someone who never attends extra seriously as something really important has made them come this time.

If you aren't keen on antidepressants say so. Your GP should listen, and if they think anti-ds would be very good for your problem, they should be able to tell you why they are better than other options. Or let you try other things first but have them as a plan B. But if you don't see your GP, you'll never know if you have a problem that's treatable or not. Please go, just remember they don't have a magic wand - you sound very reasonable and as if you have thought this through a lot.

The people that drive doctors nuts are the ones who clearly have very unhappy lives but think that GPs can fix it all for them in a 10 minute appointment without them having to change anything in their lives themselves. This doesn't sound like you AT ALL.

Furoshika Tue 20-Nov-12 15:38:59

Oh phew, no I haven't been to the dr for about 3 years and that was to get some scalp ointment. smile

I don't have a shit life at all but I have a bit of a past (all in my notes). No MH issues and I don't think I have them now, but literally 80% of my female friends have taken Ads at some point and I assume I'll be offered them. I hope this is wrong!

Megmog2005 Tue 20-Nov-12 16:08:14

I had constant migraines whilst I was married, almost on a daily basis........never had one since the day he walked nearly six years ago.

Sunnywithachanceofshowers Tue 20-Nov-12 16:54:25

I had recurrent cold sores when I was with my last ex. And developed an eating disorder, which I'm still battling.

NightFallsFast Tue 20-Nov-12 17:23:19

Furoshika do go to the GP. If you've got a medical problem that needs some attention then they're your first port of call and should be the first step to sorting things out for you. I can't tell you whether you'll be offered antidepressants (it depends a lot on your problem!) but if you are offered them or anything else you don't want you can decline it. They can't force you to do anything or take anything that you don't want, but should be able to discuss the options with you to come to a plan that you are both happy with.

On another thread a few weeks ago someone was complaining that their GP asked their opinion on treatment, but your case is exactly why it's important - often you will have a view on it and it's essential that you have a voice in your treatment.

I hope things go well for you.

angelpinkcar Tue 20-Nov-12 17:40:20

coffeeinbed, I have fibroids too are they caused through stress then????

coffeeinbed Tue 20-Nov-12 17:58:30

I don't think it's as simple as that.
I'm sure there are many contibuting actors.
However, my GP who is very experienced, and who I have been seeing for years and who is not in the slightest woo, suggested a link.

ChuffMuffin Wed 21-Nov-12 11:38:27

I had awful dermatitis on my ankles and feet for years. Used to crack and bleed. Tried everything.

Split up with ex P, in about two months it had healed up and it's never been back. shock

SolidGoldYESBROKEMYSPACEBAR Wed 21-Nov-12 11:52:44

It's very, very common for women with arsehole partners to suffer physical and mental health problems. It sometimes comes up in threads started by women living with abusers - the abuser is saying that the woman 'couldn't cope without him' and that she is 'mad', and other posters sometimes suggest that she would recover if she got rid of the man. Abusers are sometimes quite keen on marching the woman off to the doctor to be drugged into compliance, as well.

However, I do take the point that a GP can't insist that a patient is suffering DV rather than depression. Remember the huge fuss the Daily Mail made when it was suggested that midwives ask PG women if their partners are OK and not abusive? This suggestion had been made on the ground that DV often starts or escalates in pregnancy, but the headlines were all ooh, bwaah, how dare they, Not My Nigel, etc.

BRANdishingMistletoe Wed 21-Nov-12 12:40:11

I'm considering splitting up with my H, he doesn't know it's coming (although he really should). I have cold sores, psoriasis, a nagging pain between shoulder blades, on-off headaches, I have had two colds in a row (and about 7 this year), sinusitis, last month I had an eye infection that needed anti-biotics to clear it, I had pneumonia in July and I crave carbs every evening.

The shoulder-blade pain is stress, I last had it was when we moved house (which involved a change of country). The last time I had psoriasis and pneumonia was about 17 years ago when I was working 65 hour weeks. Bizarrely my period pains aren't as bad as they were last year.

NothingIsAsBadAsItSeems Wed 21-Nov-12 23:28:02

My cousin started suffering from some form of allergy shortly after one of his mums new boyfriends moved in. His mum claimed it was an allergy to the family cat which they'd had without problems for 5+ years, so she got rid of the cat. Cousins allergy was still very obvious and surprise, surprise it disappeared when his mums boyfriend moved out.

My cousin now lives with his girlfriend and their three cats and has absolutely no allergies to anything...

FlorIxora Thu 22-Nov-12 20:32:01

My last year with ex,I had sinusitis with every cycle.

Since i'm with DH, I've had one bout only and I've also stopped scratching the back of my head until it bleeds (did that whilst sleeping).

MatchsticksForMyEyes Thu 22-Nov-12 20:39:50

I left my H 6 weeks ago. Towards the end I was having 2 or 3 migraines a week. Haven't had one since. Also went for a massage about a fortnight after leaving and the masseuse said my upper back and neck were full of tension. I had been having a lot of back pain and it's been fine since too.

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