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It's happening again

(12 Posts)
Orchidlady Mon 19-Nov-12 11:35:42

A couple of years ago DP had a mental breakdown, we sought help, he took medication and things seemed to get a lot better. Sadly it is happening again, I can see the signs having been though it before, he is talking about ending all, saying things like "you would not want to spend 5 minutes in my head", drinking in secret and lying about it, not working properly, avoiding people. I just feel so exhausted by it. I know mental illness is a dreadful thing and I really feel for him but from a selfish point of view I feel so lonely and just responsible, if that makes any sense. One part of me wants him just to leave but then I think DS 12 will not forgive me. Sorry just wanted to vent really, don't want to tell anyone in RL as sure they will be totally fed up with it all.

ShamyFarrahCooper Mon 19-Nov-12 11:38:18

Can you contact your local mental health services and ask for advice? How would he react if you suggested outside help?

Most of all, do you feel safe?

izzyizin Mon 19-Nov-12 11:39:46

What help did your dp get before? Was he hospitalised? Is he willing to seek help this time round or is he avoiding any contact with professionals such as his GP?

Orchidlady Mon 19-Nov-12 11:42:38

Feel safe but dreading the thought of going through it all again. Last time MHT were here everyday, attended some counseling, on AD's. Unfortuntely some months ago he stopped taking them ans he thought himself better.

dequoisagitil Mon 19-Nov-12 11:42:52

You need to get MH services involved and try to pre-empt the crash.

For yourself, don't worry about people getting fed up - you need help and support, you can't do this alone. You are important, don't struggle on.

ShamyFarrahCooper Mon 19-Nov-12 11:44:20

Ah no. It happens a lot as people don't consider the fact they feel better because of the medication they are on.

Is he aware he's slipping back? Could a trip to the GP help? The sooner he gets the help he needs the more chance of avoiding a complete breakdown hopefully.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 19-Nov-12 12:08:03

Don't feel selfish for not coping with his mental illness. He's being selfish by stopping taking the medication, knowing the likely effect this will have on the family.

Orchidlady Mon 19-Nov-12 13:18:53

Cogito I wish it was that easy . I have felt myself detaching though, but we have a 20 year history. Sometimes he can be so lovely, trouble is he is so full of self hate and loathing.

AnyFucker Mon 19-Nov-12 13:23:16

Hello love, I remember you

I am afraid it is ultimatum time. He seeks help immediately from his mental health team, goes back onto medication or you leave no ifs, no buts

KnitFastDieWarm Mon 19-Nov-12 14:27:02

I've been in your DP's position - from my experience, what he needs a empathy and love PLUS a massive kick up the arse to seek professional help. I've tried to come off my meds before and my DP has had to sit me down and tell me straight - ' I love you, I will support you, but you are unwell and you need to go back on meds.' Perhaps he feels ashamed of being 'dependent' on meds - I know it took me a long time to accept.

That being said, there is no excuse for not taking responsibility for your mental health - just as, if he were diabetic, you'd have every reason to be angry with him for not taking insulin properly.

Try to get him back to the doctor ASAP - make sure he knows there's no shame in seeking help. And look after yourself, you are just as important.

Orchidlady Mon 19-Nov-12 14:38:17

knit Thanks for sharing. Trouble with MH issues is that in my experience a big part of it is denial. It took things to go to extreme levels last time, I had to call an ambulance because he OD's, lots of self harming. I forced his hand to seek help and when feeling better he was so happy I did. Even when sitting here talking to MH team he kept deflecting.When meds were sorted he was so much happier foolishly he felt he was cured. I just don't want things to get into that nightmare and bit angry he can be so blase. I feel alot stronger this time and will call help without hesitation and this time allow them to take him into hospital so I am not on suicide watch. I am going to make see GP again and start AD's asap

PropositionJoe Mon 19-Nov-12 14:45:03

Can you make the appt for him and then just tell him when he needs to go?

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