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How can I be better for DH

(8 Posts)
Beaverfeaver Sun 18-Nov-12 21:52:13

DH has been going through tough time recently with work and family stuff.
He has started drinking a lot.
I have mentioned on a handful of occaisions over the past 6 months that I was worried about him evaluate of this.

However, I worry it has pushed me away from him and a bit of the live has faded.

I told him this a few weeks ago and he sai that he wondered why I was so distant from him and that he tries and is getting better (which he is), but wants me to try harder to be close to him again.

I have started trying the hand holding, and the cuddling on sofa again. Sometimes it fed natural and nice, but over times I feel nothing.

Worry I won't be able to get this missing bit of live back for him and want to support him and be in a loving relationship. We haven't had any children yet, but were thinking of starting to try for a family in a yer or few.

Worrying that we will just get worse and heading down the fails marriage route.

I'm very private person usually and don't share these thins with friends or family who assume everything is hunky dory.

It can happen. Try and pinpoint what it is that makes you feel this way. Is the drinking a big turn off, how he deals with stress?

What do you love and admire about him? It's easy to focus on the negatives in day to day life, and to become insular. Try and focus on the positives. Are you actually happy in yourself?

Whatever you do, don't even consider TTC before you sort out your issues. The strain of child care can be immense on a couple.

Kundry Sun 18-Nov-12 21:58:47

Has he stopped drinking? Don't even think of TTC if he hasn't. Remember you can't fix him, only he can.

Beaverfeaver Sun 18-Nov-12 22:03:46

He hasn't stopped but cut down a lot.
We are both struggling in jobs that we don't like right now and finding it hard to find something different with very specific skill sets.

I can't pin point anything else really.he has put on a bit of weight from the drinking though, but knows this and he is wanting to do something about it.
We are out doorsy type and go for long walks at the weekend and when on holiday, and I do sports after work during the week, but he has stopped his

cronullansw Sun 18-Nov-12 23:21:09

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

ginhag Sun 18-Nov-12 23:24:06

Can we have a 'punch in the face' emoticon? Pleeeeeaaaase?

cronullansw Mon 19-Nov-12 03:17:07

Censorship rocks.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 19-Nov-12 08:07:07

The problem when your partner needs 'mothering' is that this can be a major turn-off. All relationships include support as standard, but if neediness and reliance on alcohol didn't attract you to him in the first place, it's a disappointment when it happens. Definitely don't have children until you feel the relationship is on a more positive footing. Keep talking.

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