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Don't know how to handle this situation.Offended and upset MIL and DD.

(54 Posts)
alwaysworriedtoo Sun 18-Nov-12 20:12:00

Saturday Dd (7) was at sleep over with Mil and Fil. Everything was fine until bedtime when DD got upset, saying she misses me and dh cos she doesn't see much of dh cos he works lots and late and she wants to go home. Mil did the comfortimg thing youll see them tommorow etc then dd said either; I like it at nans because I get to see mummy and daddy when they come home from pub.(she doesnt sleep over at my mums as no room) Or; I Want/like it better at nans because etc.
This has really upset my mil and she was nearly in tears when telling dh about it when she dropped dd off this morning, and has said she doesn't want to see dd for at least a couple of weeks.
Dh understandable was cross with dd, 'what have you been saying to gran,shes upset etc' and dd was in tears all morning.
Talking to dd over the course of the day I get the impression she was over tired. She also says she can't remember everything she said to gran but she didn't say she likes nans better.
Dh says his mum, said 'dd was crying for us two, then saying she would rather be at nans.'
Now I can understand this might hurt mils feelings. Mil and Fil don't see dd much because of work comitments on both sides and dh is not one to ring up everyother day like I do with my mum. Also we live a lot nearer my mum easy walking distance so they see more of dd than the inlaws. So inlaws might feel a bit left out.
But on the other hand dd is 7. She was overtired. (she loves going to grans and prefers to eat grans food rather than going out to eat at mcdonalds, enjoys snuggling up to watch a film, she always gets a comic and pocket money off them and mil has done up a small bedroom just for her so she is spoilt)
Mils strength of being upset is disconcerting.we are torn between thinking dd must have said something awful that she darn't admit to us and mil didn't tell dh the full story, or mil is taking the percieved slight too personaly. (She said she didn't want a phonecall off dd either knowing that we would encourage dd to phone gran and appologise.)
Is there any grans out there who can shed some light on this?
Any parents who have had a similar situation?
I really don't know how to handle it.
I know that if there is a problem I will get the blame. Other 'offences' have been comited unwittingly /taken the wrong way.
Dh is upset too as he is stuck in the middle he also re-enforced my knowing I would get the blame by saying 'you know that it will all boil down to being your fault'
Dd want to make a card to send to gran saying 'sorry I said I liked it at nans' Which sounds really petty when its said like that.
Anyway sorry its long What do I do?

alwaysworriedtoo Wed 21-Nov-12 15:07:42

schobe, I mentioned the swimming to my mum because she had been asking when we are going again and I thought she might like to come, she was really keen. I was going to tell mil on the Sunday when they came round. But it just happened that my mum and dad came round too and my mum got there first. Thinking of this I know with hidsite I could have handled it a little differently but I just thought 'Oh, great we could all go together!' I even asked my sis in law (DH sis)if she was going to go too(she wasn't).I thought it might have been fun. Maybe not as mil backed out so quick.sad

ethelb Wed 21-Nov-12 15:11:10

my sister told my mum repeatedly that she wished our auntie was her mother at abotu the same age.

Children don't get it and don't mean to offend.

alwaysworriedtoo Wed 21-Nov-12 16:08:02

Couldn't remember the word I was thinking of eirlier and had to rush off. Bonding. I thought it might be good bonding time.
All us girls together, having a giggle before, during and after...

SandyMumsnet (MNHQ) Thu 29-Nov-12 10:40:34

Hi there,

We will shortly be moving this thread to Relationships as we feel it's a better fit.


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