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If you live apart from your Husband how often do you...

(23 Posts)
SparkleSoiree Sun 18-Nov-12 10:59:01

speak with each other?

Haven't seen DH for 4 months as he works in Australia but he will be home for Christmas for a few weeks. For those of you in similar situations how often do you communicate in any way?

Sometimes we go days/2 weeks without any communication due to him not having signal and other times we can text daily. We have only skyped once in the last 4 months as I find it a bit overwhelming as I miss him so much.

I just wondered if there was any kind of 'normal' pattern and does anyone else find Skype a bit weird? I have no problem skyping other friends and family members.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 18-Nov-12 12:05:54

My boyfriend and I live apart and he travels a lot. We call each other most days and text at other times. We don't Skype because we're old gits smile

SoleSource Sun 18-Nov-12 15:39:21

Awww Sparkle. sad

SoggySummer Sun 18-Nov-12 15:44:44

We have gone 3 weeks or more with no contact but thats down to circumstance and lack of technology to do so than not bothering.

At the moment we speak once a week to every 10 days for about 20 minutes to half an hour. We chat on messenger once or twice a week on top of that if technology allows.

No skype at the mo.

He has been away almost 4 months and I have hopefully only have just under 2 months to go.

SparkleSoiree Sun 18-Nov-12 21:24:32

Its such a strain on a relationship, don't you think?

When he leaves again after Christmas he won't be home again until March but at least that will be permanent then. Its really difficult for the kids and they email him more than talk to him. He loves getting their mails and reading about their days though and when he can sends things to them.

I can't wait until we don't have to communicate like this anymore! grin

E320 Sun 18-Nov-12 21:30:52

I saw my BF of 6.5 years on Friday for the first time in 4 months. We text a lot, but it is not the same as SEEING one another.
And do you know what we did? We had about 2.5 hours and most of that time was spent talking, tickling each others' backs and laughing - oh and there was a little singing on his part (out of tune, but I am used to that).
We both really want to have the time to spent together, but our jobs do not facilitate this.
Having said that, we had a fantastic time and loads of cuddles and we both want more time. In our dreams or when he can retire (age 55 in 7 years).

MmeLindor Sun 18-Nov-12 21:31:48

It is tough, isn't it. My DH is home every couple of weeks - 4 weeks at the most. Hate to think how it would be if he was away for 4 months.

We Facetime almost every day. I can highly recommend both getting iPhones and using FT. It is much better than Skype.

When I was away in summer we only chatted every couple of days, but normally it is daily.

PinkSoccerMum Sun 18-Nov-12 21:35:47

Mine works away Sunday/Monday - Friday but he calls almost every night to say goodnight to DS and we usually have a brief chat at the same time.

SparkleSoiree Sun 18-Nov-12 21:42:47

That sounds lovely pinksoccermum, would love to do that! grin

MmeLindor The problem we have is signal. sad

E320 I know what you mean when you say seeing each other, just being in each other's company.

At least its not forever but its interesting to see how often others communicate during times apart.

Kind of makes me feel a bit better that basically its different for everyone!

sailorsgal Sun 18-Nov-12 21:43:37

Dh is away for 5 months but at least he is in the UK at the moment so will either see him at Xmas/new year and he came home for a weekend. We speak everyday at the moment and he always texts me "good morning" and "night". Ds cries often and thankfully school keeps him busy.

Beaverfeaver Sun 18-Nov-12 21:45:09

My dad works away for 6 weeks at a time but will call my mum every day no matter what. Whether it be using a satellite phone or Skype

SparkleSoiree Sun 18-Nov-12 21:45:42

Sailorsgal my youngest really struggles with Daddy being away but she refuses to speak to him when he does ring almost as if she is cross with him!

sailorsgal Sun 18-Nov-12 21:51:03

Yes my ds is too busy to talk to him on the phone and really plays him up the first few days he is home then they are joined at the hip. smile

MmeLindor Sun 18-Nov-12 22:04:35

My two don't give the impression of minding too much, but DS wrote on his letter to Santa that he wanted his Daddy to come home. The seem to be coping so well, but then they do something like that.

SparkleSoiree Sun 18-Nov-12 22:17:14

I think ultimately that's the hardest part to live with - its the down moments that the children have, makes me sad for them. But we are ramping up to christmas and the kids are really looking forward to going to the airport to collect him.

MmeLindor that's such a lovely thing for your DS to write but at the same time sad. Will your DH be home for christmas?

Kundry Sun 18-Nov-12 22:33:10

My DH has now been living overseas for a year. We are very much still working things about but we Skype everyday, unless one of us is out for the evening (happened about 4 times so far). Our Skype signal isn't great but sometimes we just switch the camera off or resort to instant messaging, which often works well for us if we want to discuss something serious. Or we just muck about sending each other Skype emoticons grin

However we did have to learn how to Skype if that makes sense. Initially it was weird, then we could only talk about nice things, then only important things and we definitely couldn't argue. And if we had nothing to talk about we'd stress about the fact we could only manage to talk for 10 minutes... But that doesn't work for a relationship so when we did see each other (about every 2months) we had so much stored up we could spend the whole week arguing.

So we have learned how to communicate by Skype but it was, and prob will still be awkward and painful. If signal is a problem you could try without video but there is still old-fashioned e-mail or letters.

Clearly every couple works out what works for them but I think you need something that happens regularly so each contact isn't overwhelming and you need to be allowed to be bored, angry, tired as well as in love or missing each other.

MmeLindor Sun 18-Nov-12 22:37:46

Yes, he will be home for Xmas. Just as well, cause the mere though of all those 'I'll be home for Xmas' type songs has me welling up already.

On the positive side of the coin, I do have to say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. We do the silly emails and texts that we haven't done for years, and we really enjoy our time together.

cronullansw Sun 18-Nov-12 22:48:48

Also check out Viber, an app for all smartphones.

It allows free voice and SMS over WiFi and 3G on your mobile, so no need to sit in front of your computer Skyping, (yes, I do know you can use Skpye on a smartphone too, it's not that great) voice quality on Viber is amazing, I use it from England to Aus a lot.

I find that once you are freed from using your PC and free of crazy comms costs, you can easily chat twice a day and it's more natural talking on your mobile.

needsomeperspective Mon 19-Nov-12 04:42:30

My H was in the navy when we met. We went about 18 months LDR. We emailed multiple times a day when he was deployed, IMed and spoke on the phone every evening when he was shore based and were pretty much in constant contact because the communications on the ship were excellent. But everyone thought we were mental to have so much contact! We spoke more when he was away than now he is here full time! But we were in the first flush of obsession.

When he travels now we text / IM a few times a day briefly and Skype every evening before sleeping.

He left the navy and moved out to where I live because the distance was too much to deal with.

Longdistance Mon 19-Nov-12 05:57:21

Blimey. Is he on Gorgan island by any chance?

SparkleSoiree Mon 19-Nov-12 07:34:09

Nooooo, he is in the Pilbara in Western Australia. Depending on which camp he is in either he gets a good signal or nothing at all.

tothemoon Mon 19-Nov-12 08:00:47

Mine does! Has been for a year now, back every 4 months for a couple of weeks. At first it was like I went into grief mode, was horrible, so depressed and upset. Told him to come straigh back home. Seeing the xxx amount of money going into the joint account takes the edge off a bit wink This will be our first xmas apart, we managed to spend a couple of nights together for our first anniversary which was nice. We have skype running pretty much 24/7 so it's like he's home, just he's inside a pc screen.

It's like been on honeymoon every time he's home. I thought it was going to be an impossible strain on us, but it's worked opposite and we are stronger and closer then ever smile He loves the job, it's an incredible opportunity for him and us for our future financially. So just think of the positives, keep good communication between you. Skype was weird for the first few weeks, and friends and family find it weird when he's sat on the screen whilst we're all sat around drinking wine and chatting. I see more of him now then I did when he lived with me working 50 hours plus a week!

SparkleSoiree Mon 19-Nov-12 08:33:21

I felt almost bereft at the beginning too....was very weird to describe (but you are right about the financial benefits helping us stay focused!) and if somebody told me I would go five months without seeing him I would have totally disagreed!

Thanks for your replies and support ladies, its really helped lift me! grin

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