Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

If you had the opportunity to email the OW, would you?

(29 Posts)
doinmybest Sun 18-Nov-12 09:10:43

My husband has recently left me for a woman he had an affair with last year. Their feeling were too strong.......blah blah. I have found her email address and have the urge to tell her what he said about her last time, the things hes saying to me now - keeping his options open obviously, and generally point out his flaws. Childish or an opportunity not to be missed?

doinmybest Tue 20-Nov-12 11:37:12

She'll be obsessing about you, you know? Scared he'll go back to you, wondering what's going on when he sees you etc

this along with some really wise words from others has made my mind up. If I scream and shout and make life awkward Im just feeding into the image she has of me and the image he given her. I am going to be calm dignified and self controlled. It will not onlly freak the lives out of them but it gives me time to get myself sorted before I cut ties completely. At the moment I am totally dependant on him financially so while that continues I will be best behaved scorned wife you will ever meet (mmmwwwahhhhh ha ha)

izzyizin Tue 20-Nov-12 12:08:46

That is the only way to do it. Anything less than maintaining a dignified silence towards the ow gives them opportunity, real or imagined, to 'bond' against you.

youliveyoulearn Tue 20-Nov-12 21:01:31

When I discovered my H had been in contact with an ex girlfriend for 2 years I demanded her phone number which he gave me straight away. All he said was "she'll tell you I love you and friendship is all it is"!
I called her the following day and sure enough that's what she said. She didn't fancy him apparentely! I'm ashamed to say that I ended up apologising and crying. What message did that convey!
About a month later I sent a text to which the the reply was - yes you do need to learn to trust again and believe it or not people of opposite sex can just ne friend! How dare she! I did reply only to be confronted by my H because of course she phoned him to tell him I'd text.
I know it's really hard but not a good idea to get in touch because it just makes you more angry.
What I'm now finding difficult is that he has no intention of being with her so I've got to forgive and forget. he has deceived me and I'm finding it hard at times not to look at him and eliebe that he isn't/hasn't contacted her since. I'll never know 100%.

Abitwobblynow Tue 20-Nov-12 21:11:45

I fight this all the time. I would love to let her know how much she helped hurt me, what she helped do to my children (for which I would like to kill her [not literally]), ask her what she was thinking, what he said to her, what she got out of it, WHY?

Because, being a woman she would be able to tell me the story.

But then my rational self kicks in, it wasn't about her, she got used, she won't be able to give me any answers that will take the pain away, I could get hurt more...

Until the next time I have to fight the urge.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now