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He WON'T let me meet his kids!!

(79 Posts)
Mirage80 Sat 17-Nov-12 22:56:05

Been together about 7/8 months. He's met my kids, they get on great and we go on lots of "family" days out. He is however, reluctant to let me meet HIS kids (15 and 17 years old).

I don't understand and I take it as an insult that he feels it's fine to share my whole life yet he's only willing to share half of his.

The subject of Christmas came up, he said he will give my children money for christmas - I asked what he wanted me to do about HIS children since, although they're aware of my existence, they have never met me. He said to just leave it.

Why the reluctance???

We're going on holiday soon (me, him and my kids) and he said he felt guilty that his own kids were missing out. I said "well, later on, maybe we could take your kids on a holiday?" and he replied "yeah - or .... maybe ... if you didn't mind .... I could take them on holiday by myself?" - this suggests he doesn't see me meeting them years down the line!!!

Am I being pushy or what? My mate thinks he's being weird and disrespectful expecting to be a part of my kids lives whilst denying me the chance to be a part of his kids lives.

Helltotheno Sat 17-Nov-12 23:00:57

Are you sure he does have kids?

Mirage80 Sat 17-Nov-12 23:02:48

Yes he definitely has kids

babyboomersrock Sat 17-Nov-12 23:03:45

Do you live together? I'm just wondering how often he sees his own children.

Mirage80 Sat 17-Nov-12 23:05:14

No we don't live together and he sees his kids every saturday until sunday

PelvicFloorClenchReminder Sat 17-Nov-12 23:06:18

Have you met any other members of his family? Is he hiding something there?

Mirage80 Sat 17-Nov-12 23:07:14

I've not met any of his family

SparkleSoiree Sat 17-Nov-12 23:07:23

Are you sure he has told his kids about you?

SirBoobAlot Sat 17-Nov-12 23:08:04

Have you spoken to him about it? How old are your children?

Helltotheno Sat 17-Nov-12 23:08:25

Well there are lots of reasons he mightn't want you to meet his kids, he might be respecting their preference, or even his ex's. Just because you've by your own choice, let him into every aspect of your life, reciprocation doesn't have to follow.

In saying that, if it bothers you, you should just have a serious chat about it.

noisytoys Sat 17-Nov-12 23:08:33

Are you an OW?

hatesponge Sat 17-Nov-12 23:09:04

I'd be v v suspicious of someone who refused to let me meet any of their family after that length of time.

Have you met any of his friends? Work colleagues?

How do you know he is actually single?

Mirage80 Sat 17-Nov-12 23:09:22

Not an OW, hes been divorced two years

MmeLindor Sat 17-Nov-12 23:09:44

Well, I think that they probably don't want to go on holiday with you - not surprising for teens not to want to go with their parents, and to go with their dad and his girlfriend - bit tricky really.

How old are your DC?

StewieGriffinsMom Sat 17-Nov-12 23:09:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Numberlock Sat 17-Nov-12 23:09:51

Sorry but he's just not that into you and I doubt he's told his kids about you. This was one of the main reasons I ended my last relationship, v similar scenario.

joanofarchitrave Sat 17-Nov-12 23:09:57

He knows his children. I don't personally feel that 8 months is THAT long - in some ways it is, in some ways it isn't.

By all means talk to him about it, but IMO it's one of those things he gets to control.

Does he possibly have a history of introducing other people to them and has become wary of doing so?

SparkleSoiree Sat 17-Nov-12 23:12:42

Just saw you dont live together....I would be very suspicious as to whether he had a wife and family somewhere.

I had a friend once who was in a similar situation and after a year she pushed to find out why their relationship had stalled. So she booked a holiday for them both abroad and he went with her but spent the whole holiday taking phone calls. My ex-friend answered the phone once and it turned out to be her boyfriend's wife wondering why his work was taking him away for so long!

I think you need to do some real frank talking because the situation sounds strange.

Helltotheno Sat 17-Nov-12 23:14:36

It does all sound a bit off OP. Bit of detective work maybe?

PelvicFloorClenchReminder Sat 17-Nov-12 23:16:47

I'm with Sparkle - I'd be very suspicious, but I've had experience of the whole family situation 'not as described' bollocks.

babyboomersrock Sat 17-Nov-12 23:18:41

If he sees his children at weekends, does that mean he goes to where they live? Or does he live near them? Do they stay at his house?

It does sound a little odd, but teenagers aren't usually keen to meet their parents' new partners, and it is still early days.

difficultpickle Sat 17-Nov-12 23:20:29

Sounds to me as if you are the OW even if he is divorced. He may well have another gf that has met his children etc.

henryrollindownthehill Sat 17-Nov-12 23:22:42

Eight months is nothing, it sounds like he's just cautious and wants to protect his family. I wouldn't let DH meet my kids until we'd been together a year. When you're a single parent and your children have been through the trauma of divorce, you don't want to rush into things. DH was always happy to take things at my pace, I did meet some men who were less patient like you and I knew they weren't right for me and the dcs so I'm glad I'm waited and it was good for the dc that they didn't end up meeting a succession of men.

missymoomoomee Sat 17-Nov-12 23:23:03

I think 7 months is still quite early on to be meeting children, its very early days, especially if you spend every weekend apart, and I wouldn't find that, in itself, worrying.

It is a bit worrying that you haven't met anyone else in his family though. What are his reasons for that?

GhostShip Sat 17-Nov-12 23:24:51

Have you asked him why?

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