I have reposted this with a new title on advice from another Mumsnet user. I am a bit of a newbie when it comes to using forums! Post was originally called Low Self Esteem.
Apologies for the long post...
I had to leave my home a week ago with my baby daughter as my husband lost his temper. I was unwell and wanted to call my Mum to go over to her as I needed help as my husband has not been a hands on parent and has never even changed a nappy since the birth of our baby girl. He has grown up in another country in a family where the women do everything for the men. He took objection to me wanting to call my Mum, he threw my phone against the wall, told me I was an unfit mother that I should be able to cope and I was insane. I told him I was leaving with our daughter and then it's all a bit of a blur but he was grabbing me with force to stop me going, he threw another phone against the wall and I believe he also pushed me. I managed to finally get to another phone and called my Dad asking him to pick me up. My husband would not let us leave with my daughter and the police were called though in the meantime my husband did let us leave with her. My husband is very angry with my parents for interfering.
The policemen who spoke to me were lovely and insisted that it was domestic abuse. I have never considered myself a victim of domestic abuse, before this incident there were a couple of smaller incidences in pregnancy and one after the birth of our daughter. The police said that they would have to arrest him which I do not want and though they wanted me to make an official statement they were lovely and said I did not have too. So my husband was taken to the station but released without charge.
My husband called me a few days later to ask if we could meet to work out where we go from here. I met him hoping for some kind of remorse but instead he said that we should seperate as this would happen again and that it was us as a couple were the problem and he did not think he had any anger problems, I had not been a victim of domestic abuse and therefore this would not happen again with someone else. He also implied that the police did not think I had been a victim of domestic abuse once he had explained his side. If my husband had shown willingness to get help I would have probably been willing to give things another go but he has now taken any control away from me.
I feel so low now, my self esteem has been knocked so much that I really do feel he is right and that I am a rubbish mother and I feel a failure as a wife as well. I miss him so much as well and I just don't know how I can move on with my life. He wants to see our daughter and I know that is going to be hard for me as I hurt so much I can't bear the thought of seeing him and us not being together. I have often been feeling quite low since the birth of my beautiful daughter I think it was more baby blues than post natal depression though I think the lack of help at home made things worse. I can't help but think if I'd kept myself together a bit more we might have been ok.
I know that posting on this forum will not solve anything but I just wanted to talk about this with someone other than immediate family and friends. I'd be grateful to hear from anyone who has been in a similar situation. How will I get through this? How do I get my self esteem back? I'm trying to keep myself together for my baby girl but it's so difficult.
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Domestic Abuse - How do I move forward?
13 replies
GirlfromMars82 · 17/11/2012 19:39
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