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Twirling body builders, dominant alpha males and been hurt in the past-Dating thread part 29

(1000 Posts)
Milkandlotsandlotsofwine Sat 17-Nov-12 17:42:16

Took the liberty of starting a new thread. blush

Off you go ladies and gents...

Milkandlotsandlotsofwine Sat 17-Nov-12 18:55:08

watch Wow, you've been a busy lady. Keeping all my fingers and toes crossed for you that everything goes smoothly with new house & move.

Nice to hear your ex is helping. It makes a pleasant change to hear of an ex not acting like a complete tosspot.

Yeah I am pretty fed up. Even starting to doubt going out with my man boy again next Thursday. He is gorgeous but also clearly a bit of a lost soul & I'm a bit sick of nurturing the needy and then having them treat me like a broken toy in return. angry

StrictlyComeDancingDiva Sat 17-Nov-12 18:56:42

Wow, thread is moving fast again!

I was supposed to have a 'Bake a Cake' date, where BF was bringing his DD have a baking afternoon with my DDs. Unfortunately DD2 went down with a bug during the night so have had a quiet day instead.

Not so bad as we did have a rather nice Coffee date yesterday wink

Milkandlotsandlotsofwine Sat 17-Nov-12 18:56:59

juliette Is that true? IS OKC the site all the polyamory people go on? I didn't know that.

Oh well, as long as it's changed from "arses in wheelchairs" then we should be totally fine & dandy. grin

StrictlyComeDancingDiva Sat 17-Nov-12 18:59:32

watch fingers crossed for the move and good to hear about all the help, particularly from XH smile

Milkandlotsandlotsofwine Sat 17-Nov-12 19:00:39

strictly Bake a cake date sounds so lovely. You must reschedule for as soon as your DD is better.

Pixiebelle123 Sat 17-Nov-12 19:00:41

watch house sounds fab, fingers tightly crossed for you!

milk you sound fed up and I'm sure most of us here can emphasise (i call it grotty ex syndrome). Chocolate and wine is the only cure I believe.

No date tonight but I'm going out to a sleazy bar with a single friend. I don't hold out much hope of meeting anyone but at least I get to dress up in my pink mini skirt smile

watchoutforthatsnail Sat 17-Nov-12 19:01:04

Oh he has been plenty of times! We had a massive 4 hr row in the summer. Met two weeks later to make a plan going forward and its been great since then. Crux was he didnt feel involved with dd so took everything i said as an attack. Which it never was. Because he was verbally abusive i retreated. And it was a vicious circle of hell. But by talking lots we seem to have resolved it.

If manboy isnt working then end it. Sounds lile you need someone that appreciates you for you....

Pixiebelle123 Sat 17-Nov-12 19:01:27

Milk I meant empathise, damn auto correct!

snapespeare Sat 17-Nov-12 19:01:34

My Saturday night consists of pizza, the new doctor who magazine and in-virusing DDs laptop, but her lovely bf is taking control of that, so all is well.

Oh and wine

Scattylatte Sat 17-Nov-12 19:06:40

Flipping heck milk that is a dreadful shock and it's utterly disrespectful for him not to give you some sort of explanation. A year isn't long and you can't make your brain speed this process up I'm afraid. Just keep reaffirming to yourself that distance and time will make you feel better at some stage. And feeling like shit is 100% normal.

Okc is strange. It's full of wordyness and mountain climbers in open relationships. I had the walking date from Okc. He said there was no chemistry. Yet I thought I was so much better turned out than him. I was irked that I didn't get the no chemistry word in before him!

watch marvellous about the house. And you will get it. Plus I feel jealous about your job.

sponge. Like the sound of the suede heels and skinnies.

JulietteMontague Sat 17-Nov-12 19:17:29

Okc does have a lot of poly folk on it genuine poly as opposed to shagging about. Also bi-sexual. I met someone there who had made friends with lots of others from OKC and they were all poly and if you look through the options it does have men who like women as well as straight men only. Took me a while to work that one out.

watchoutforthatsnail Sat 17-Nov-12 19:26:35

Cheers scatty. I love my new job. Popped in ( as a customer) today, everyone i saw said hi, one gave me a small hug smile
Its bloody lovely smile
Esp coming from somewhere where noone even did the ' good weekend?' Thing on a monday morning.....

Milkandlotsandlotsofwine Sat 17-Nov-12 19:29:48

watch I'm glad you've managed to sort something that works for you. So much nicer than screaming hostility. Long may it continue!

It's not that man boy isn't working. I've only been on 1 date with him & have kept texting etc to a minimum. He seems perfectly sweet & nice company. It's just he's so cute looking that I'm sure plenty of girls would snap him up. I suspect he's merely in it for the 'older woman shag' notch on bedpost.

scatty Yes OKC does seem the place for open relationships. Having said that it's the only site I've met anybody half decent through. I tried Match and GSM & both were useless for me! Oh and nothing worse than someone you're better looking than telling you there's "no chemistry".angry

I did get an explanation of sorts from my ex. Which was mainly, "I've just got too many problems going on in my own life to cope with yours as well at the minute." He just totally refused to meet me to talk and I begged on that phone like I've never begged before in my life. My mother was in the room at the time & she actually cried on my behalf. I've never been so broken. I do try & tell myself time will heal but I'm not really convinced. I'm the sort of person that carries wounds forever. He was the love of my life. End of.sad

JulietteMontague Sat 17-Nov-12 19:39:01

I've had more luck on OKC than any other site. MatchAffinity, full membership not one reasonable message. GSM put me off last time I tried it, this time plenty of nice but dull really unattractive men, OKC is the only place where I can work out if we have similar values (from the questions).

Scattylatte Sat 17-Nov-12 19:42:22

milk I got a bit of that with my ex too. Things going ok, bit of a hiccup then he would ignore me out for weeks and it was so devastating and it took my esteem away. If he ever tries to come back, be prepared, this behaviour will get repeated. In many ways I wish my would have just fucked off the first time he alienated me.

Just had a message from a married man from pof called lickmelomgtime or similar. Yuk. Yuk!!!!

I find match, gsm and Okc full of men who have a pencil wedged up their arses they feel so special. Pof is grim but you get what it's all about pretty quickly.

Milkandlotsandlotsofwine Sat 17-Nov-12 19:45:18

Juliette I probably sound dim but what is the difference between being poly and shagging about? Isn't it just shagging about where both partners know?

It's one of those things I really struggle with tbh. Mainly because I have a sometime fwb in a 'poly' relationship. Yet when pressed he admits it was his gf idea and he isn't 100% happy with it. I spent months feeling like shit that he could shag me, spend time with me and yet seem to develop no real feelings for me.

I would class myself as bisexual but I can't get a date with a woman on OKC to save my life. Most of them seem a bit crazy when I look at the profiles. We moan about the men but maybe they are really up against it as well?

Milkandlotsandlotsofwine Sat 17-Nov-12 19:51:01

"I find match, gsm and Okc full of men who have a pencil wedged up their arses they feel so special" grin grin grin

That description just made my day scatty

No worries about my ex reappearing. I don't think he gives a flying fuck about me anymore to be honest. The only fortunate thing is the fact that I am too proud to go running after him. At least it spares me future humiliation if nothing else.

I'm almost tempted to give POF a go now. Nothing ventured and all that...

JulietteMontague Sat 17-Nov-12 19:53:02

Apparently poly is everyone knows and its longer term relationships and shagging about is shagging about. The group I met were in serious committed relationships and also free to explore others, most often within the group as it happens. One woman was in a great relationship of 2 years with a man who also had a boyfriend of 10 years. She was looking for a woman to have a relationship with. He was always very loving towards her, never flirted with anyone else etc. model partner except for his bf. Sometimes he would be 'with' the bf and this woman would be around too but he was clearly with the guy then. Not sure if this is typical.

bantamrooster Sat 17-Nov-12 20:06:55

I got a PM on here from someone wanting me to respond to Stella's comment in the previous thread about how men see single mothers, and whether there's any hope.

I think you guys - in fact all of us with DC, are in a more difficult position. We don't have as much free time, or disposable income as single without children. We're also generally less likely in a lot of cases to be looking for a quickie - maybe FWB or more likely an LTR.

And a lot of people without kids yet will want to share having a first child together with someone - to be a first experience for both of them, and not have to share their potential partner with other people. So it is a bit more difficult for us.

I've met 8 women on dates in the last 4 months of OD - 5 of those had kids. I've seen a lot of women's profiles where they specify the man shouldn't have children, so it's not just one sided. I think if you get through that and meet someone and really hit it off then whether you have DC or not isn't a major obstacle. It is still an obstacle, however.

Personally, being someone who has his DC half the time, then I'm not sure whether I'd prefer to date someone with or without them. Someone with them will understand limitations on my time, and the fact I can't really go traveling round peru for a month at the drop of a hat. Someone without them may want them in the next couple of years (if the clock is ticking loudly for them), and I'm not sure whether I want to or not. But someone without also has more free time so scheduling a date isn't so difficult.

Pros and cons, horses for courses. There are a lot of single dads out there, and some of them will be lovely. Like I am smile

Poppysquad Sat 17-Nov-12 20:09:19

I don't mean to jump in but I am desperate from some advise and was recommended to try this thread.
Having met through GSM Ive seen the guy three times. Last weekend I had emails about how hot I was and texts that were really funny and endearing. Today, all I've had is a text this morning saying not muh more than Hi. Ive texted back and sent an email - but nothing back.
I am so pathetically paranoid. I know that hes probably tied up with stuff bt I am stuggling to surpress the stories in my head - there's someone else, he's not interested, which all stem from my ex husband cheating on me. I don't want tpo contact him again or try calling him. I am concerned that I am going to scare him off if I'm not careful and he's really lovely.
He did say that he'll call round tomorrow - I am convincing myelf that he won't!

JulietteMontague Sat 17-Nov-12 20:16:59

Poppy step away from that phone. Put away the laptop and sit on your hands. He has texted you, he is coming round tomorrow. Believe it.

Now someone a bit more lovely will be along soon but meanwhile, step away from the phone.

JulietteMontague Sat 17-Nov-12 20:18:07

Bantam where is your police woman? You are meant to flying the flag for all of us tonight grin

Milkandlotsandlotsofwine Sat 17-Nov-12 20:23:42

Poppy Step away from the phone and chill the f**k out. I mean that kindly. wink

This modern phenomenon of constant communication causes so many headaches. He has said he is coming round tomorrow, believe him.

Although personally after 3 dates I think he should still be taking you out and wooing you, not making himself cosy in your house. That's just my opinion though, feel free to disregard it! grin

Poppysquad Sat 17-Nov-12 20:24:03

Juliette - Thanks. I know I musn't phone. But it's really, really difficuly. I have only known him a couple of weeks and I am so poor at this 'relationship' stuff. I really fear I have been dumped. We haven't arranged any detals about tomorrow. It was quite casual. We are both 51, so mature, in theory

bantamrooster Sat 17-Nov-12 20:25:09

Poppy - the overriding thing that seems to be agreed on by everyone on this thread is not to overthink things. He could be busy. He could have disappeared, got back with an ex, be suffering from depression, be having a nightmare with an ex, be married - or he could just be busy.

Men generally, I think, don't get 'scared' off - if they are put off by over-keenness it means they're not keen on you themselves. If they are keen, then they love the attention. Okay, don't camp out on his doorstep and get his name tattooed on your forehead, but a casual text - short, casual, nothing more, is not going to scare him off. He may come round tomorrow, he may not. It's too early to say.

The most important thing is that you have to accept that sometimes things go quiet without it meaning anything bad.

Let us know if he comes round tomorrow, don't stress it. Bright and breezy in the meantime. And chocolate, apparently.

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