Am I being out of order?(3 Posts)
I was going to put this in AIBU but I'm feeling very delicate so thought I would try here instead.
Quick background so I'm not drip feeding. My Ds3 is 9 months old. His dad & I are no longer together but I have tried to keep it amicable & let him see DS when it is appropriate for him to do so. He has drink/drug issues which mean this isn't always the case. My ex has 3 sons from a previous relationship which he is not allowed contact with as they were taken from their mum & lived with their maternal grandmother for 3 years due to drugs. At first he didn't try for contact then kept failing drug tests & not keeping to indirect contact agreements. Why did I have a child with this man? Because I was the idiot who thought she could save him & change him.
Anyway as I say contact happens when I fel he is clean & sober. He is never left alone with DS & when I do let him round he is good with him. He pays some money towards DS. His family have never been interested in DS. In 9 months his mum has seen DS on 4 occasions. 1. He was 6 weeks old & I was outside my friends house, 5 doors down from her. She walked by on her way to the shop & said hi, had a look at him then went.
2. He was 8 weeks old & we were walking back from the park. She was outside her house & Ex was carrying baby & he let her hold him. She had him 30 seconds, said oh you are a big boy then passed him back.
3. Wednesday, he is now 9 months old. I was outside friends again. She came along road, saw us but went into her house. 45 mins later she walked to the shop crossing the road to avoid us. 10 mins later on the way back she crossed over to us & said hi to me, commented on babies blue eyes & how big he is getting.
4. Yesterday morning walked straight past me, said hi to me but ignored baby, didn't even glance back at him as he is facing me in buggy so as she walked towards me she couldn't see him iykwim.
I have no contact with exes family as they are all into drugs, just a few weeks ago ex turned up high after smoking heroin with his mother so her ignoring baby is fine by me however ex has been round to see her today & then told me on the phone that DS should be taken round there & she is his grandma. Now as far as I am concerned he will never set foot in her house which operates an open door policy for drink, drugs & anything else. I do not want this woman around my child as she will sit getting high with ex knowing he is meant to be coming to see DS & also she obviously isn't bothered anyway so it's not even worth discussing. He has sisters who show no interest either but as 1 of them has had her DC taken away from her & the other gave her son to her mum to bring up as he was the product of an affair she had while her partner was in prison they are not the sort of people I want around my son either.
I'm sure that I'm right on this & that my son needs to be kept away from these people but am interested in what others think.
I know it all so Jeremy Kyle & my life wasn't until I met him. He was portrayed as such a nice guy when we meant & it was only when I had fallen for him that everything began to come out & as I said I was stupid thinking live could make it all better.
Hindsight's a wonderful thing eh?
Can't be of much use but I'm 100 % sure that you are doing the right thing.
You could maybe go through the avenues of contact centres so that if she wants to see your child it is on your terms.
I don't even think she does, think he was just being argumentative this evening as I was out for dinner celebrating my friends mum & sons birthdays & this was something to put in the pot. She doesn't go further than the corner shop so wouldn't go to a contact centre to see DS. Had she shown any interest 9 months ago everyone was welcome at my home to see him but no one was bothered then or since.
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