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My DH appears to have no emotions

(77 Posts)
coffeeisusuallytheanswer Fri 16-Nov-12 21:56:54

I've just been reading another thread about men who don't show emotions. DH and I have been struggling for a long time due to his apparent lack of emotion and affection. We are at stalemate - I think he lacks emotion, he thinks I am too emotional. Hugs are rare. He doesn't know what to do if I cry. He doesn't get excited for me or even angry at me. Yet he seems genuinely confused if I question whether he loves me.

So I am well aware we have issues. However I have just realised in ten years of being together:

I have never seen him cry
He has never got angry or raised his voice / shouted
We have never had an argument as he does not engage
I have never known him get truly excited about anything
I don't think he has ever laughed 'properly'

I have always thought his lack of emotions strange...but this isn't normal is it?

And more importantly how do you cope? I think I am likely having an emotional affair - certainly I turn to a male friend for emotional support not DH but that is because DH just doesn't seem to recognise emotion. Without leaving I'm not sure what the solution is...

Everythingwillbeok Mon 19-Nov-12 20:32:54

I also want to add he avoids talking to/contact with other adults ie. in the school playground other dads casually chat or at least say hello but with him nothing.He also avoids get togethers with neighbours as he knows he will have to talk to them which makes it extremely difficult as I am friends with a lot of our neighbours and if we are having a get together he just stays inside.

He manages a big team of people in his workplace and has no problem with that.But doesn't have any friends and will not interact with mine at all my friend bought him some beers for his birthday and he did not even thank her. He also has no hobbies.

He never would get excited about anything like going on holiday or Christmas so then he drags me down too.Does this sound like your DH OP ?

Demolicious Thu 10-Jan-13 11:10:52

Coffee, I have just found this thread in a roundabout way after googling 'How to talk to someone about how you feel when they have no feelings'. Google mentioned 'alexithymia' and I came on MN to see if anyone had any experience on here. Things have not been good between DH and I for a while now and whilst alot of threads suggest talking openly and honestly with each other, this is very difficult with DH. For sometime, I have been thinking about leaving him but the thought of it frightens the life out of me. A few things have happened which have finally made me realise he just doesn't get it and I don't think he ever will. I have tried making an independent life for myself but every now and again, I question myself. I didn't get married to be independent and I don't want to get to the stage of being needy and clingy.

Just wanted to know how are things are now ?

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