Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Domestic voilence

(37 Posts)
Wankarella Fri 16-Nov-12 18:54:39

I'm out of my situation now, I have moved house, now my ex is losing control. I have police on standby but I've had some news about 15 minutes ago.

I'm scared can anyone just tell me to stop this panicking please.

My doors are locked I cannot walk my dog so my Dad is coming up to do that, I have hid my car, even though I am unsure if x knows where I stay.

Has anyone ever been through this and came out the other side sane and with a happy ending?


Wankarella Fri 16-Nov-12 18:57:12

violence and sorry about my username, I lost my net around Halloween, I will change it to something normal soon.

TantrumsAndBalloons Fri 16-Nov-12 19:00:22

Ok firstly try and calm down.
Make a cup of tea and breathe.

Your dad is on his way so you won't be alone.
The police are aware of the situation and if your ex comes anywhere near your house you will call them.

Can I ask what happened or would you rather not say?

TantrumsAndBalloons Fri 16-Nov-12 19:01:08

Keep posting here, keep calm.

Do you have kids in the house with you?

Wankarella Fri 16-Nov-12 19:06:12

no kids OMG I need to go phone someone.

erm... yeah shit I need to go have a drink or something.

New baby.....not mine, just been removed, I spoke to someone from court and I am partly to blame for child in care. hence house move, I have my 999 button on mobile. I don't think they know where I am, they know where my parents are they have had 67 hang-up calls......all with-held??

Police know, I have just to call if I see 'the car' I wont see it though as I have lights off and curtains shut.

Does that make sense? Shit maybe I made a bad move.

TantrumsAndBalloons Fri 16-Nov-12 19:10:18

Listen, if you have saved an innocent baby from a bad situation, that can never be the wrong thing.

Take it easy. It will be ok.

If you see or hear anyone ring the police.

Jellykat Fri 16-Nov-12 19:11:21

Is your dad there yet?

Your parents have had number withheld calls, but whats happening with you? and i don't understand the baby situation..

waltermittymissus Fri 16-Nov-12 19:11:41

Calm down.

You're not making sense!

Take some deep breaths and try to explain more about what's happening. Try to order your thoughts.

Your dad is coming so you won't be on your own.

Remember: he can't get in and the police will come to help you.

HissyByName Fri 16-Nov-12 19:15:04

We're here love. You did and are doing the right thing.

Breathe. It will be ok. Try not to panic, cos we end up useless when we panic.

Take a deep breath in and then slowly out.

Think cool, think calm. You have right and the law on your side. There are tons of agencies to protect you.

If you need a RL voice, please call WA. Or could you call the police DV team and ask if someone can sit with you?

izzyizin Fri 16-Nov-12 19:15:43

Please disabuse yourself of any notiton that you can be held to blame for a child being taken into care as any such decision would not have been made on your word alone.

It won't harm your dog if s/he doesn't get a full walk tonight - do you have a garden your canine pal can use?

There's not a lot of point in having lights off and curtains drawn and going to such an extreme is likely to exascerbate any fear you are experiencing.

Keep the curtains drawn and put your lights/tv etc on. Make yourself (and your df) a hot beverage and stay away from alcohol untl you can raise a glass to this situation being 'over'.

Can you easily see the road from inside your home? If so, check from time to time but be aware that cars can be changed.

HissyByName Fri 16-Nov-12 19:17:59

If you parents have mobile phones, suggest they Unplug the phone, and actually report the nuisance calls to the phone co/police.

Wankarella Fri 16-Nov-12 19:21:45

Sorry I'm stopping the panicking, I'm going to have a drink.

Dad not here yet, he is hiding his car.

Okay I'm a bit paranoid.... I am no longer with him, he is on drugs bad drugs, as is the new g/friend. They had a baby, poor baby, her other 3 kids are in care (g/friend) she chose him over children.

I was asked to give a statement on his suitability with young children, I did.

Baby has been removed, they are very angry, they have no contact numbers for me, they have my parents we were married for lots of years, so he knows my parents business number.

I'm okay. I have stupid post traumatic stress disorder and I worry.

He has been looking for me since I moved house, I have seen him drive past.

He is phoning my boys school,(looking to see if son at same school) he will not stand up to me in court as I have heaps of evidence of things he done.

I chose my boys over him. As he won't fight me in court over boys, nothing is in place such as an injunction, (lawyer this week AGAIN) so school know all about him but as his biological father they have to tell him when asks about his son, thankfully i managed to talk school into not giving our location out.

Does that make sense?

Wankarella Fri 16-Nov-12 19:23:56

I'm sorry, I just have no landline and no children to distract me into playing moshie monsters or something.

Finished my programme through WA I know everything know. I feel like a prat for having children with THAT!

TantrumsAndBalloons Fri 16-Nov-12 19:25:53

Your out of it now, that's the important thing. You put your children first.

It will be ok.

Wankarella Fri 16-Nov-12 19:26:07

I have texted my mum and told her to 'lose the pride and worry about the neighbours and phone blasted police'!!

I'm sorry I am over-reacting I think, I just got an email and should not even know what I do about him, sometimes ignorance is bliss.

TantrumsAndBalloons Fri 16-Nov-12 19:27:00

Better to be prepared though. At least now the police are aware.

waltermittymissus Fri 16-Nov-12 19:28:46

Ok, so what's actually happened here is that you've done a BRILLIANT thing for very vulnerable children and a BRILLIAN thing for your ds!

You have been through shitter times than this, being married to a dangerous addict. Just think of all the good you've accomplished and be proud of yourself!

If you've done the programme you know there are difficulties beyond leaving but you should also know that you can overcome them.

You have done what so many sadly can't. That says a lot about you and what you can cope with.

Where is your child? Well done on coming this far!

Wankarella Fri 16-Nov-12 19:29:06

Yes, I'm okay tantrums, blasted email just panicked me a bit. I've turned my light back on (eejit), not the kitchen though, I don't even have blinds yet.

waltermittymissus Fri 16-Nov-12 19:29:42

I just got an email and should not even know what I do about him

Is this email what's made you panic? If it's about any sort of threat tell the police!

Wankarella Fri 16-Nov-12 19:34:02

Boys are with HIS parents. I have just phoned but sadly my only connection here (internet) is via my mobile...and a wifi BT hotspot, anyway, they didn't answer, I have texted them asking them to call me ASAP. Could be bathing boys.

So if I dissapear (to unplug mobile again and get no connection - this happens on wifi hotspots) I'm fine, all doors locked, I have 999 on standby. all Dad is as hard as nail also.

I can read him like a book. That's what worries me.

Wankarella Fri 16-Nov-12 19:37:22

Not a threatening email or i would 999 by now. I have knowledge that I shouldn't have on him and his circumstances, I met someone at WA, who lives 2 door away from them.

I have 4 A4 sheets of this diary I have to keep. How much longer does it have to be to get some bloody action?

Police are useless, as nothing is in place, he can drive where he wants..... he has to follow me or run me over THEN phone police. Domestic violence police are better.

I'm going to call my support worker, oh maybe not..... Friday night.

Oh ok my dad is here, sorry!!

izzyizin Fri 16-Nov-12 19:39:31

Who was the email from? What did it say?

When you say you have the police 'on standby' have you spoken to them and have they visited your home to carry out out any assessment of your current security measures?

It seems to me that the police may be persuaded to be proactive and take steps to warn your ex not to attempt to locate or otherwise harass you and to desist from making hang-up calls to your dps if, indeed, this is what he has been doing.

In any event, try not to stress too much as forewarned is forearmed and the element of surprise can't take you unawares.

Go about your business in the usual manner but keep your mobile to hand at all times with 999 preset and ready dial.

izzyizin Fri 16-Nov-12 19:41:43

What arrangements are in hand for your dcs return from their dgps?

izzyizin Fri 16-Nov-12 19:48:21

If you've haven't got a blind/curtains in the kitchen or any other room that is clearly visible from outside, pin or tape a sheet or light blanket to the window or obscure it with Windowlene or similar.

waltermittymissus Fri 16-Nov-12 19:50:29

I'm glad your dad is with you.

His parents don't know where you live do they? Would they tell him?

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: