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New Boyfriend Getting Snappy Now And Again Already - Red Flags?

(32 Posts)
MassiveBum Fri 16-Nov-12 14:25:40

Only been together just under 4 months. It's happening more recently but now when I think, in hindsight it happened earlier on too. One time he was telling me about work, he said something in a funny way and I laughed - he got a bit angry and said it wasn't funny and I should be supportive, not laugh at him. We'd only been together a few weeks at the time and I remember feeling it was a bit of an over-reaction. 99% of the time he's lovely though, he's funny, generous, fun to be around, loving and affectionate but I am seeing more of this snappy/grumpy side. A couple of weeks ago something came on TV about a photo editing software and I asked him what it was - he snapped "I've told you once already" shock

And then last week he text me the results from his doctors appointment (I'd asked him to) and he said in the text "I'll explain it better when I see you". So when I saw him on the night I asked "so, what did the doctor have to say?" he began telling me and then snapped "I have told you this already!" and he looked quite angry!

One time he'd had a few to drink, I said something which he didn't like and he got quite intimidating, raised his voice and kept asking me to repeat what i'd said. In the end I told him he was making me uncomfortable and I wanted him to calm down. He did instantly but still -

I've also noticed he gets a bit mouthy/quick to start a fight after a few drinks. One time he started an argument in a nightclub queue because someone pushed in. Another time he kicked off in a club because he said a band that was watching the band on stage were not clapping enough (!!!) and recently in Manchester someone knocked into me during a gig and he got angry and said "I can see me getting into a fight if this carries on". He made out he was joking but he says it loud enough to instigate a fight iyswim?! and then when we left the venue he started mouthing off to people selling t-shirts and stuff, again making out that he was just playing around but went as far as to call someone a tosser.

Like I said, 99% of the time he isn't like this but I'm worried that it's only been 4 months and already he's showing snippets of an aggressive side.

Am I over-reacting? Been in a violent relationship before so on high alert as it is.

overbythere Sat 17-Nov-12 17:38:17

I have been seeing a guy for 4 months & have not seen an inkling of the unpleasant behaviour you describe.

wolfandi Sat 17-Nov-12 02:09:17

He's a bad un, and it will get much worse over time. Please leave, but as a previous poster advised - tell him in a public place and make sure you have somewhere safe to go afterwards. Be prepared to change locks if he has a key. He may not accept your decision easily.

I think a lot of people here speak from personal experience. I do. I got together with someone like this when I was 16. I spent four years being abused. If I had had the advice that you are getting, then most of it could have been avoided.

Get out and be safe

EdieSedgwick Fri 16-Nov-12 21:22:32

Run a mile.

pictish Fri 16-Nov-12 20:03:21

You've had all the warning you need imho.
He's quite clearly a dud.

Bubblegum78 Fri 16-Nov-12 19:59:45

I agree with the ladies... get out now, I had an ex like this, these men just get worse.

Good luck. xxx

Mumsyblouse Fri 16-Nov-12 19:57:12

I don't like the sound of this at all, I wouldn't call this grumpy really, more very challenging and constantly asserting dominance, by telling you when and when not to speak. And the nearly getting into fights when out, three times in four months! As everyone has said, this is all really worrying behaviour and you must must get out of this relationship, don't you want to have a relaxed nice time with a guy who doens't pick fights or try to dominate you?

SomersetONeil Fri 16-Nov-12 19:44:00

99% of the time he is OK....?!?


Not based on your OP....! Did you re-read what you wrote?

All those examples in only 4 months is way more than 99%. The very act you're even posting this thread proves that. sad

What you're describing is way, way too often. Your twunt radar should be telling you to leave the bastard. You're 4 months in. Why would you accept this?

nameswinger1 Fri 16-Nov-12 19:40:45

I got to half the paragraph and thought GET RID. Nothing wrong with being a bit of a grumpy grumps occasionally but he sounds quite frankly borderline dangerous.
Please listen to the advice others have given on this thread.

SarahBumBarer Fri 16-Nov-12 19:29:29

You've mentioned at least 7 incidences in 4 months.

That's way more than 1% of the time.

Massive red flags.

ekidna Fri 16-Nov-12 19:20:41

get yourself out now

mmmnoodlesoup Fri 16-Nov-12 19:14:00

If you don't want a future of walking on eggshells, definitely move on.

QuietNinjaTardis Fri 16-Nov-12 19:12:26

I'd seriously consider dumping someone who deliberately tried to start fights, let along someone who regularly snaps at you. After 4 months?! Leave the bastard.

HissyByName Fri 16-Nov-12 19:09:16

Write off. Dump him, today.


izzyizin Fri 16-Nov-12 16:46:37

You won't be able to 'stamp' this out and dumping him is the only way you'll be able to stay safe from his anger.

akaemmafrost Fri 16-Nov-12 16:43:19

Yes boundary pushing to see what you'll put up with. Not saying he's sitting there planning it like Dr Evil, but there will be an element of awareness.

Come down on it HARD! I mean really stamp on it. Or dump him.

SolidGoldYESBROKEMYSPACEBAR Fri 16-Nov-12 16:43:09

Yup, bin him. And give *no quarter*: tell him he's dumped in a public place, do not answer any texts or phone calls or emails. If he is aggressive or threatening, involve the police. He may just fuck off and find another woman to abuse, but men like this, who are angry at the whole world and especially women sometimes try to push their luck.

alli1968 Fri 16-Nov-12 16:25:34

your own instinct told you before you even wrote this post - dump him - he sounds scary x good luck x

aufaniae Fri 16-Nov-12 16:22:02

This guy is trouble. Your instincts are right, how could they not be? Thank goodness you haven't wasted more time on him. get out now before it escalates!

JacqueslePeacock Fri 16-Nov-12 16:16:20

Anger issues revealing themselves. NOT how it should be at 4 months.

expatinscotland Fri 16-Nov-12 16:11:10

Dump him now. He has anger management issues BIG time.

HellonHeels Fri 16-Nov-12 16:08:17

He sounds aggressive and angry. Intimidating, raising his voice to you - I don't like the sound of him.

AttilaTheMeerkat Fri 16-Nov-12 16:05:12

You and he should not be together now. So many red flags here re him already at 4 months in.

Such violence often escalates as well, he is showing you all too clearly what he is really like. He needs to be dumped pronto before you get further dragged down into his pit.

I would also seriously now consider doing the Womens Aid Freedom programme particularly as you have previously been in an abusive relationship.

kernowgal Fri 16-Nov-12 16:00:57

Is he also aggressive when driving?

You'll find you start moderating what you say so as to not rile him; that's no way to live. If you can't be yourself with him then he's not the man for you. You deserve so much better.

kernowgal Fri 16-Nov-12 15:59:00

This is how my ex started with me. Get out now. Intimidation is never acceptable, and I wish I'd kicked my ex to the kerb the first time he shouted at me (like yours, for a really inconsequential comment).

Mine also didn't like me laughing at something he said, he would get very defensive and angry, but he was allowed to take the piss out of me as much as he wanted.

Dump dump dump. Massive red flags.

Slumberparty Fri 16-Nov-12 15:53:42

This definitely is not normal behaviour from any partner let alone a new One. Cut him loose soon

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