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New Boyfriend Getting Snappy Now And Again Already - Red Flags?

(32 Posts)
MassiveBum Fri 16-Nov-12 14:25:40

Only been together just under 4 months. It's happening more recently but now when I think, in hindsight it happened earlier on too. One time he was telling me about work, he said something in a funny way and I laughed - he got a bit angry and said it wasn't funny and I should be supportive, not laugh at him. We'd only been together a few weeks at the time and I remember feeling it was a bit of an over-reaction. 99% of the time he's lovely though, he's funny, generous, fun to be around, loving and affectionate but I am seeing more of this snappy/grumpy side. A couple of weeks ago something came on TV about a photo editing software and I asked him what it was - he snapped "I've told you once already" shock

And then last week he text me the results from his doctors appointment (I'd asked him to) and he said in the text "I'll explain it better when I see you". So when I saw him on the night I asked "so, what did the doctor have to say?" he began telling me and then snapped "I have told you this already!" and he looked quite angry!

One time he'd had a few to drink, I said something which he didn't like and he got quite intimidating, raised his voice and kept asking me to repeat what i'd said. In the end I told him he was making me uncomfortable and I wanted him to calm down. He did instantly but still -

I've also noticed he gets a bit mouthy/quick to start a fight after a few drinks. One time he started an argument in a nightclub queue because someone pushed in. Another time he kicked off in a club because he said a band that was watching the band on stage were not clapping enough (!!!) and recently in Manchester someone knocked into me during a gig and he got angry and said "I can see me getting into a fight if this carries on". He made out he was joking but he says it loud enough to instigate a fight iyswim?! and then when we left the venue he started mouthing off to people selling t-shirts and stuff, again making out that he was just playing around but went as far as to call someone a tosser.

Like I said, 99% of the time he isn't like this but I'm worried that it's only been 4 months and already he's showing snippets of an aggressive side.

Am I over-reacting? Been in a violent relationship before so on high alert as it is.

SomersetONeil Fri 16-Nov-12 19:44:00

99% of the time he is OK....?!?


Not based on your OP....! Did you re-read what you wrote?

All those examples in only 4 months is way more than 99%. The very act you're even posting this thread proves that. sad

What you're describing is way, way too often. Your twunt radar should be telling you to leave the bastard. You're 4 months in. Why would you accept this?

Mumsyblouse Fri 16-Nov-12 19:57:12

I don't like the sound of this at all, I wouldn't call this grumpy really, more very challenging and constantly asserting dominance, by telling you when and when not to speak. And the nearly getting into fights when out, three times in four months! As everyone has said, this is all really worrying behaviour and you must must get out of this relationship, don't you want to have a relaxed nice time with a guy who doens't pick fights or try to dominate you?

Bubblegum78 Fri 16-Nov-12 19:59:45

I agree with the ladies... get out now, I had an ex like this, these men just get worse.

Good luck. xxx

pictish Fri 16-Nov-12 20:03:21

You've had all the warning you need imho.
He's quite clearly a dud.

EdieSedgwick Fri 16-Nov-12 21:22:32

Run a mile.

wolfandi Sat 17-Nov-12 02:09:17

He's a bad un, and it will get much worse over time. Please leave, but as a previous poster advised - tell him in a public place and make sure you have somewhere safe to go afterwards. Be prepared to change locks if he has a key. He may not accept your decision easily.

I think a lot of people here speak from personal experience. I do. I got together with someone like this when I was 16. I spent four years being abused. If I had had the advice that you are getting, then most of it could have been avoided.

Get out and be safe

overbythere Sat 17-Nov-12 17:38:17

I have been seeing a guy for 4 months & have not seen an inkling of the unpleasant behaviour you describe.

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