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New Boyfriend Getting Snappy Now And Again Already - Red Flags?

(32 Posts)
MassiveBum Fri 16-Nov-12 14:25:40

Only been together just under 4 months. It's happening more recently but now when I think, in hindsight it happened earlier on too. One time he was telling me about work, he said something in a funny way and I laughed - he got a bit angry and said it wasn't funny and I should be supportive, not laugh at him. We'd only been together a few weeks at the time and I remember feeling it was a bit of an over-reaction. 99% of the time he's lovely though, he's funny, generous, fun to be around, loving and affectionate but I am seeing more of this snappy/grumpy side. A couple of weeks ago something came on TV about a photo editing software and I asked him what it was - he snapped "I've told you once already" shock

And then last week he text me the results from his doctors appointment (I'd asked him to) and he said in the text "I'll explain it better when I see you". So when I saw him on the night I asked "so, what did the doctor have to say?" he began telling me and then snapped "I have told you this already!" and he looked quite angry!

One time he'd had a few to drink, I said something which he didn't like and he got quite intimidating, raised his voice and kept asking me to repeat what i'd said. In the end I told him he was making me uncomfortable and I wanted him to calm down. He did instantly but still -

I've also noticed he gets a bit mouthy/quick to start a fight after a few drinks. One time he started an argument in a nightclub queue because someone pushed in. Another time he kicked off in a club because he said a band that was watching the band on stage were not clapping enough (!!!) and recently in Manchester someone knocked into me during a gig and he got angry and said "I can see me getting into a fight if this carries on". He made out he was joking but he says it loud enough to instigate a fight iyswim?! and then when we left the venue he started mouthing off to people selling t-shirts and stuff, again making out that he was just playing around but went as far as to call someone a tosser.

Like I said, 99% of the time he isn't like this but I'm worried that it's only been 4 months and already he's showing snippets of an aggressive side.

Am I over-reacting? Been in a violent relationship before so on high alert as it is.

izzyizin Fri 16-Nov-12 14:34:13

You're not over-reacting at all.

You're picking up on the fact that he's got serious anger issues and you're best advised to run for the hills ditch him now before you get in any deeper.

Don't delay, honey. Every day you stay with this tosser is a day you come closer to being on the receiving end of his anger.

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 16-Nov-12 15:42:19

He sounds like a nasty little man. Raising his voice???? hmm If he's making you feel uncomfortable in any way then show him the door.

Anniegetyourgun Fri 16-Nov-12 15:47:03

Sounds like a guy with anger issues; you don't want to be around one of them.

Pochemuchka Fri 16-Nov-12 15:48:10

4 months isn't a long time and he should still be trying to impress you and make you feel great.
It also means you haven't invested as much in the relationship emotionally yet.
Cut loose while it's relatively easy and congratulate yourself for noticing the signs and being strong enough to act on your instinct.

oldqueenie Fri 16-Nov-12 15:50:29

You need to reset your high alert threshold imo. You deserve better than this. Perhaps your previous experiences of an abusive partner have desensitised you to unnacceptable behaviour. Raising your own self esteem and procesing your previous experiences is more important than being in a relationship with a twunt like this.

Catsdontcare Fri 16-Nov-12 15:53:40

4 months is a good time to end this. You've known him long enough to see a pattern forming but it is not an established relationship so nothing to loose by calling it a day.

He sounds like a knob

Slumberparty Fri 16-Nov-12 15:53:42

This definitely is not normal behaviour from any partner let alone a new One. Cut him loose soon

kernowgal Fri 16-Nov-12 15:59:00

This is how my ex started with me. Get out now. Intimidation is never acceptable, and I wish I'd kicked my ex to the kerb the first time he shouted at me (like yours, for a really inconsequential comment).

Mine also didn't like me laughing at something he said, he would get very defensive and angry, but he was allowed to take the piss out of me as much as he wanted.

Dump dump dump. Massive red flags.

kernowgal Fri 16-Nov-12 16:00:57

Is he also aggressive when driving?

You'll find you start moderating what you say so as to not rile him; that's no way to live. If you can't be yourself with him then he's not the man for you. You deserve so much better.

AttilaTheMeerkat Fri 16-Nov-12 16:05:12

You and he should not be together now. So many red flags here re him already at 4 months in.

Such violence often escalates as well, he is showing you all too clearly what he is really like. He needs to be dumped pronto before you get further dragged down into his pit.

I would also seriously now consider doing the Womens Aid Freedom programme particularly as you have previously been in an abusive relationship.

HellonHeels Fri 16-Nov-12 16:08:17

He sounds aggressive and angry. Intimidating, raising his voice to you - I don't like the sound of him.

expatinscotland Fri 16-Nov-12 16:11:10

Dump him now. He has anger management issues BIG time.

JacqueslePeacock Fri 16-Nov-12 16:16:20

Anger issues revealing themselves. NOT how it should be at 4 months.

aufaniae Fri 16-Nov-12 16:22:02

This guy is trouble. Your instincts are right, how could they not be? Thank goodness you haven't wasted more time on him. get out now before it escalates!

alli1968 Fri 16-Nov-12 16:25:34

your own instinct told you before you even wrote this post - dump him - he sounds scary x good luck x

SolidGoldYESBROKEMYSPACEBAR Fri 16-Nov-12 16:43:09

Yup, bin him. And give *no quarter*: tell him he's dumped in a public place, do not answer any texts or phone calls or emails. If he is aggressive or threatening, involve the police. He may just fuck off and find another woman to abuse, but men like this, who are angry at the whole world and especially women sometimes try to push their luck.

akaemmafrost Fri 16-Nov-12 16:43:19

Yes boundary pushing to see what you'll put up with. Not saying he's sitting there planning it like Dr Evil, but there will be an element of awareness.

Come down on it HARD! I mean really stamp on it. Or dump him.

izzyizin Fri 16-Nov-12 16:46:37

You won't be able to 'stamp' this out and dumping him is the only way you'll be able to stay safe from his anger.

HissyByName Fri 16-Nov-12 19:09:16

Write off. Dump him, today.


QuietNinjaTardis Fri 16-Nov-12 19:12:26

I'd seriously consider dumping someone who deliberately tried to start fights, let along someone who regularly snaps at you. After 4 months?! Leave the bastard.

mmmnoodlesoup Fri 16-Nov-12 19:14:00

If you don't want a future of walking on eggshells, definitely move on.

ekidna Fri 16-Nov-12 19:20:41

get yourself out now

SarahBumBarer Fri 16-Nov-12 19:29:29

You've mentioned at least 7 incidences in 4 months.

That's way more than 1% of the time.

Massive red flags.

nameswinger1 Fri 16-Nov-12 19:40:45

I got to half the paragraph and thought GET RID. Nothing wrong with being a bit of a grumpy grumps occasionally but he sounds quite frankly borderline dangerous.
Please listen to the advice others have given on this thread.

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