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Internet dating newbie - please hold my hand (and confirm that this guy is a creep!)

(13 Posts)
gilmoregirl Fri 16-Nov-12 13:46:21


I've finally signed up for online dating. I am a single mum and have been on my own for over six years without so much as a sniff of a date.

My profile has a couple of photos and a bit of blurb about me - nothing too dramatic just friendly and chatty.

So far (one week in) have had some weird emails I have ignored and a few I have replied to.

One today from a buy whose profile I viewed yesterday who seemed ok but from email think is a creep.

His email was: I like your profile and your photos - you look like you are wearing something skimpy in them.

So tell me, am I a total prude to find that creepy? The photos are head and shoulder shots - you can see the straps of my dress but not even any cleavage. That email put me right of the guy as if that is the first thing he says surely all he wants is sex?

I want to reply to say that his message is creepy which is a shame as he looked nice. Advice needed please! Thank you.

ClippedPhoenix Fri 16-Nov-12 13:53:57

Don't reply at all and just go on to the next.

When I was internet dating I never entertained anyone who said anything smutty as yes, it said to me exactly what it's saying to you and if that's not what you want (some do and that's fine) then pass on by.

gilmoregirl Fri 16-Nov-12 14:00:48

Thank you!
I've been out of dating fort so long am out of practice and was rather shocked by immediate reference to wearing something skimpy when I was fully dressed and all you could see was my head and shoulders - yuk!

So the answer is delete and move on then!

So far have deleted two other emails - one which simply said "heeeeyyyyyy" and another where the man had no grasp of the English language "been" = "bin".

Did you meet any nice men Pheonix?

ClippedPhoenix Fri 16-Nov-12 14:08:39

I started to use the internet way before it was as popular as this, probably some 10 odd years ago when things were slower and you'd send a message then get one back a day or two later. Nice and calm! Now it's manic stuff if you let it be. You will need to grow a very thick skin and humour is the way to go. There's a dating thread on here which sounds fun and I recommend you join as it's a rollercoaster ride a lot of the time.

Back to the question -

I met a lot of arseholes, some ok blokes and some lovely ones.

I met my current boyfriend on-line and we've been together for just over 3 years now.

LemonDrizzled Fri 16-Nov-12 14:19:30

Hi Gilmore I second reading through the Online Dating Threads as they will give you a realistic idea of what to expect. Don't invest too much in the first man to take an interest, and meet them early for coffee before you have projected all sorts of ideal qualities onto them.
I met a weird and dangerous man online but Red Flagged him off thanks to MN, and am now with a lovely man I met on Plenty of Fish who is a keeper. Just be careful and enjoy!

ClippedPhoenix Fri 16-Nov-12 14:21:28

Ditto Lemon, met mine on Plenty of Fish too grin

bantamrooster Fri 16-Nov-12 14:32:51

hi Gilmore,

yes, the dating thread has a lot of interesting stories and advice for people starting out, or with a bit more experience of Online Dating.

It's here - feel free to post or ask questions or just lurk and observe the rollercoaster..

PlentyOfFish has a reputation for having lots of profiles - so more choice - as it's free, but you get more weirdos on there too. There's Guardian Soulmates, Match, Ok Cupid, and a few others - all have their pros and cons. All have weird blokes, some more than others. You just learn to ignore the dross and find someone nice. It takes several attempts usually though, it's not a magic wand.

gilmoregirl Fri 16-Nov-12 15:54:15

Thanks everyone!
I will have a look at the online dating thread. Definitely need some moral support.

Unfortunately I do not have a remotely thick skin so will need to develop one.

I have signed up for one of the paid ones but maybe should try plenty of fish.

Always good to hear positive stories so thank you,

There must be some decent single men out there : )

lubeybooby Fri 16-Nov-12 15:57:55

Plenty of fish will thicken that skin in no time. Do come and join in on the dating thread as bantam mentioned - and 99% of the time any message that makes you feel weird, angry or uncomfortable the answer will be 'delete, block and forget'

Life is too short to suffer fools, knobheads and twattery wink and dating sites are full of them (even the supposedly better ones have their fair share)

janelikesjam Fri 16-Nov-12 16:23:03

Anything vaguely smutty or sexual e.g. word "skimpy" - ignore big time on internet dating. You are not a prude. He is a nasty, sexist moron. Goddit? grin. Why not email that to him and then block him smile!


gilmoregirl Fri 16-Nov-12 21:32:18

Thank you so much for the tips, I really appreciate it. Am a bit out of my depth but the bottom line is that if I do not take a more proactive approach I am going to remain a spinster forever!

Will try to thicken my skin up a bit - I did block the "skimpy" man. Honestly, if he gets excited about a photo of a woman with her collar bone showing he really needs to get out more grin made me feel a bit dirty just reading his email. Then I realised that it could be a lot worse gulp.

ninah Fri 16-Nov-12 21:58:14

he's a fecker
off to read thread

ninah Fri 16-Nov-12 22:00:13

yep he's a fecker
good call op

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