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Why has all the talks of the future dried up? what has happened to us? :-(

(19 Posts)
LookAtThatBowtie Fri 16-Nov-12 12:28:41

I've just been sat here thinking, a few months ago DP and I were discussing living together, marriage, meeting each other's families, holidays -

Now we don't do any of that. We never talk about moving in together, it's become a bit of a touchy subject since he got drunk and accused me of pressuring him on it (although he was the one that brought it up and I was merely asking him how he felt about it at that time!) so now I won't mention it in fear of accusations of pushyness and he seems scared to mention it too.

Marriage - again, touchy subject. He "jokingly" asked me to marry him at one point. I couldn't work out whether he was being serious or not so never really gave an answer. Days later I asked if he WAS joking and he looked very uncomfortable and said of course he was joking - now I still don't know whether he genuinely was joking or not but it's become a subject that neither of us dare bring up.

I feel like our past blunders in communication have created a bit of wall between us that neither of us dare break down. For months now we've just drifted along, not mentioning the future, not talking about our feelings, just cruising ....

But I feel sad that all that initial excitement has gone and all that is left is awkwardness and fear of being branded "pushy".

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 16-Nov-12 12:31:50

Did you post about this before?

If it's awkward, drifting and you find it difficult to communicate and have various 'no-go' conversational areas I think that sounds like the relationship has run its course. Wouldn't waste any more time hoping for something that clearly is never going to happen. One of you needs to find the courage to either bring things to a head by treading back in those no-go areas and being accused of pressuring.... or walk.

ClippedPhoenix Fri 16-Nov-12 12:32:23

Oh dear, it's have a talk time then isn't it OP.

Dahlen Fri 16-Nov-12 12:35:25

Either this relationship has reached it's natural conclusion or you sit down and have mature conversation about it. Not saying that would be easy, but if you don't think you can do it then it's clearly over anyway isn't it.

Anniegetyourgun Fri 16-Nov-12 14:10:11

Yeah... sadly, just because it looked at one time as if it was heading somewhere doesn't mean you should cling onto the vision like grim death. If a couple of misunderstandings when one party was drunk have caused such a big rift, I can't help thinking it wasn't such a dream match as you thought. Most relationships start off great - otherwise you wouldn't get past Date 1 (or 3 if you're determined to give it a chance). But they don't all make it to the long haul. It certainly won't if you can't even talk about these rather important issues.

OhEmGee25 Fri 16-Nov-12 17:14:11

How long have you been together?

AnnaFurLact1c Fri 16-Nov-12 17:27:30

you again!!!!!

why dont you stick around this time and explain why you start thread after thread after thread ad infinitum about this?

As it stand you just waste people's time

Anniegetyourgun Fri 16-Nov-12 17:35:24

Mm? It's her first post? Or does she post identical threads under different names/titles?

NoraGainesborough Fri 16-Nov-12 17:37:12

Are you the poster that was upset that she wasn't allowed to tag her bf on facebook?

OhDearSpareHeadTwo Fri 16-Nov-12 17:39:15

Are you the poster whose boyfriend did a not very funny joke proposal to her ?

If you are why have you not taken the excellent advice already given to you and binned him ?

WhoNickedMyName Fri 16-Nov-12 17:42:40

Three, four, five, six threads under different names.

Then it all goes quiet for a week or two.

Then three, four, five, six threads under different names.

Then it all goes quiet for a week or two.

People take the time to give you good advice and you never return to your threads but post the same old shit again a week later. Are you hoping for a different response other than he's just not that in to you, he's using you, he's wasting your time? You're not going to get it. Your "relationship" is going nowhere.

AnnaFurLact1c Fri 16-Nov-12 17:48:32

This must be at least ten threads... all about how he blows hot and cold.

And if this IS the same poster, she won't be back. But there will be another thread in a weeks time.

NoraGainesborough Fri 16-Nov-12 17:51:14

I know who you mean.

do we know it is definitely her?

izzyizin Fri 16-Nov-12 17:53:02

A week's time, Anna? My money's on Sunday grin

AnnaFurLact1c Fri 16-Nov-12 17:56:04

grin @ izzy

yes it is definitely her

Anniegetyourgun Fri 16-Nov-12 17:57:06

In that case, OP, I can only say: leave the bastard. You'll be so much happier.

Tomree Fri 16-Nov-12 18:03:36

maybe he doesnt exist

izzyizin Fri 16-Nov-12 18:59:48

And when you leave the bastard do try to separate your arse from that infernal sofa you're always sitting on when these various contretemps, misunderstandings, and banned subjects, rear their heads.

OhEmGee25 Fri 16-Nov-12 20:50:04

Ooo I'm nosey, fill me in grin

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