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Bum/anal sex orgasms and feminism!

(63 Posts)
KoalaCakes Thu 15-Nov-12 17:23:44

I'm new here, what a great website!

Anyways, I'm not at all au fait with all the abbreviations so bear with me and any guidance appreciated smile

Right. Bum sex. Two issues. I have a newish bf who is bringing things out in me sexually even I'm surprised at...and I'm very experienced! We have discussed anal sex which has always been a big no-no for me as due to previous health issues I sometimes have enough trouble evacuating never mind letting the workers back in the building! Howeverrrrr, he has told me in great filthy detail about his experiences with an ex who he says used to come like a demon from it without any clit work. I think the fact that he's French/Dutch and tells me in 'that' accent really helps but I got soooo aroused when he detailed exactly what he'd like to do to me and how. We tried some anal play with lots of lube and a finger while i was busy at the front door with a certain R-rabbit and the orgasm was so intense but i was still aware that it was mainly the clitoral stimulation that was guiding the orgasm, and I'm still not 100% sure about letting him literally take the plunge without further research (practical and online!)

Anyways, It got me thinking: do women who have vaginal orgasms come easily from anal compared to those of us who dont? And what sort of quality are they??

My other issue is this. I'm a feminist, and the majority of threads i've read on forums re anal sex tend to be along the lines of 'doing it for him' or 'he initiated it first time'. I'd be very interested to hear if any women initiated it for themselves or do it selfishly (god forbid!) with partners who dont favour it that much.( i'm sure these men are out there!shock).

Laquitar Thu 15-Nov-12 20:50:06

Wow! You picked up the vocaburary very quickly for someone new here!

And its not that shocking subject considering you are experienced wink

AKissIsNotAContract Thu 15-Nov-12 20:58:22

I love bumsex. You could always get a strap on and bum him too, can't get more equal than that.

NettleTea Thu 15-Nov-12 21:12:59

Oh yes AKiss I think the strap on idea is excellent and he should definately be prepared to 'surrender' first. If he aint willing to take it, he shouldnt be pushing to give it, especially as we come equipped with the perfect set up for sexual encounters.

AKissIsNotAContract Thu 15-Nov-12 21:29:58

IME men like receiving bumsex just as much as they like giving.

Punkatheart Thu 15-Nov-12 21:39:25

Suddenly I feel young and innocent.

I am neither.

Not for me. Hits a bum note.

KoalaCakes Thu 15-Nov-12 22:05:09

Oh he'd love me to bum him! Used to stick things up his own poop-shute for increased masturbatory pleasure. I've told him to buy me a strap-on (we do live in Amsterdam after all!).

In response to earlier themes in this thread, his love of giving anal did come from watching porn videos when he was growing up in the 80s. He says it was a direct influence, he wouldn't have even considered going for the chocolate starfish otherwise.

ethelb Thu 15-Nov-12 22:20:57

French/Dutch. Is he just Belgian.

AgathaF Thu 15-Nov-12 22:36:07

Interesting first post hmm

BadgersBottom Thu 15-Nov-12 22:38:28

I'm glad I read this thread - I was feeling a little nauseous before but I think if I run I'll just make it to the dunny in ti......................

tiredofwaitingforitalltochange Thu 15-Nov-12 22:54:14

Re the feminist thing... I have a male friend (not a euphemism, it IS a male friend I have known for years) and I know he likes it and I asked why, this is what he said:

'Because it's naughty, dirty and gives me a feeling of power. Plus it's tight and my cock looks great going in and out'.

Yuck, at the sentiments if not the act.

And it's become much more mainstream because of porn.

FastLoris Thu 15-Nov-12 23:02:05

Aside from the warnings about health issues in that respect, which you either have or don't - isn't the obvious answer to your question to try it and see?

It's not like you're signing up to a lifetime contract or anything. If you try it and it's not your cup of hot chocolate, you stop and don't do it again.

Although I have to say it sounds like he's well and truly got your number with the continental sexy talk.

MrsWhoGivesaShit Thu 15-Nov-12 23:59:43

ohh! my dh wont let me do him with a strap on! sad

I love looking at pics of my dhs cock in my arse, it does look great!

Punkatheart Fri 16-Nov-12 00:20:43

But you are called BadgersBottom...does that it can't possibly.

Please don't spell it out in black and white.

Why does this thread make me feel all silly and schoolgirlish?

cronullansw Fri 16-Nov-12 21:33:58

I don't think it has become mainstream solely because of porn......

The Greeks were using it as the primary contraception method over 2,000 years ago apparently. In British brothels during the Victorian ear it was known as 'Greek', and the girls charged extra because it was so popular.

A pal who used to visit Germany for work in the 60's used to tell me how sex hungry the German girls were, (his words not mine) and 'they all want it in their arse, all of 'em'.

So yeah, blame porn, definitely.

Whatnowffs Fri 16-Nov-12 21:43:37

I really like it, it does make my orgasm more intense althouh i can't come without clitoral stimulation. My DP likes it too (a finger up the bum)

Whatnowffs Fri 16-Nov-12 21:45:03

could we posssibly do without all the crudeness though confused

Whatnowffs Fri 16-Nov-12 21:51:36

I like bumsex because it feels bloody great, however i do like the "slutty" feeling of it too. I like porn but i actually don't like porn with bumsex in it, nothing against it just doesn't do it for me.

Is it a feminist issue? not for me it isn't because it isn't something i would do outside of a loving relationship and i'd only ever do it if I wanted to. That counts for pretty much anything sexual though.

SolidGoldYESBROKEMYSPACEBAR Fri 16-Nov-12 22:09:36

OK some feminists think that anything goes, sexually and some feminists think that a Proper Feminist wouldn't have any kind of sex with men at all. So you can like bumsex as a recipient and not have to give up your career, or the right to vote/drive/go out unaccompanied. Etc.

The truths about bumsex are,
The pleasure is physical, if you like it, if you are on the recieving end, completely irrespective of whether you are male or female....
If you are on the administering end, the pleasure is psychological and physical if you are male, and much more psychological than physical if you're female.

Not everyone likes bumsex. Some people like it more from one end than from the other, some are repulsed by the idea and some are happy whichever end of the pole they are on.

I personally like administering, but have never fancied being the pillowbiter.

SolidGoldYESBROKEMYSPACEBAR Fri 16-Nov-12 22:13:27

OH, and also: Having seen something in porn and been turned on by it enough to want to try it out doesn't make a man a woman-hating arsehole. Asking a partner, politely, if s/he would like to participate in a particular act, is not wicked, as long as a refusal is accepted with good grace and, if it's something that might be uncomfortable or complicated, as 'yes' is treated with respect and the act engaged in with care and attention. PIV, oral sex, even kissing, can be unpleasant and abusive acts if they are done maliciously by unpleasant people. Bumsex and BDSM can be thoroughly enjoyable, if they work for you and if you are doing them with someone who is a decent human being who turns you on.

rhondajean Fri 16-Nov-12 22:42:15

Hear hear sgb.

KoalaCakes Fri 16-Nov-12 22:58:34

All this bumsex talk has got me going. I'd like to say the Frenchdutchman's getting the lot tonight but the fuckers given me a water infection with his over amorous front door slamming so it looks like I'll just have to punish him with a blow job. I'll keep y'all updated on any bumsex progression but at the moment my undercarriage needs a complete rest! Cycling all over this pretty city doent help...

KoalaCakes Fri 16-Nov-12 23:00:14

Just occurred to me that not eveyone might want that. I bet MrsWhoGivesAShit there's a woman in charge of her sexuality!

usualsuspect3 Fri 16-Nov-12 23:00:30


Whatnowffs Sat 17-Nov-12 10:50:56

what publication do you usually write for OP? as entertaining as it is (without the crudness) you do not come across as a niave newbie - i hope you had a fun night though.

Punkatheart Sat 17-Nov-12 13:46:01

You are spot on, What. This is either a teenager getting his kicks or a journalist.

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