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Bum/anal sex orgasms and feminism!

(63 Posts)
KoalaCakes Thu 15-Nov-12 17:23:44

I'm new here, what a great website!

Anyways, I'm not at all au fait with all the abbreviations so bear with me and any guidance appreciated smile

Right. Bum sex. Two issues. I have a newish bf who is bringing things out in me sexually even I'm surprised at...and I'm very experienced! We have discussed anal sex which has always been a big no-no for me as due to previous health issues I sometimes have enough trouble evacuating never mind letting the workers back in the building! Howeverrrrr, he has told me in great filthy detail about his experiences with an ex who he says used to come like a demon from it without any clit work. I think the fact that he's French/Dutch and tells me in 'that' accent really helps but I got soooo aroused when he detailed exactly what he'd like to do to me and how. We tried some anal play with lots of lube and a finger while i was busy at the front door with a certain R-rabbit and the orgasm was so intense but i was still aware that it was mainly the clitoral stimulation that was guiding the orgasm, and I'm still not 100% sure about letting him literally take the plunge without further research (practical and online!)

Anyways, It got me thinking: do women who have vaginal orgasms come easily from anal compared to those of us who dont? And what sort of quality are they??

My other issue is this. I'm a feminist, and the majority of threads i've read on forums re anal sex tend to be along the lines of 'doing it for him' or 'he initiated it first time'. I'd be very interested to hear if any women initiated it for themselves or do it selfishly (god forbid!) with partners who dont favour it that much.( i'm sure these men are out there!shock).

LauriesFairyonthetreeeatsCake Thu 15-Nov-12 17:29:19

Have you considered discussing cake or wreath making for a first post?

Tip - Friday night is bumsex night so just stick around.

FlorentinePogen Thu 15-Nov-12 17:34:24

'KoalaCakes' may be a euphemism. There might also be a trip to Center Parcs in the offing.

Tally Ho ! wink

caramelwaffle Thu 15-Nov-12 17:39:32

Thank you for the reminder!

Opening Center Parcs website.

KoalaCakes Thu 15-Nov-12 17:40:13

Hahaha....couldn't make a wreath if I tried! That Center Parcs thread had me spraying coffee all over my keyboard!

caramelwaffle Thu 15-Nov-12 17:40:45

And that is NOT a euphemism

PickledFanjoCat Thu 15-Nov-12 17:42:43

grin at letting the workers back in.

MrsWhoGivesaShit Thu 15-Nov-12 17:45:09

I LOVE anal sex, my Dh can take it or leave it. I am always the one to initiated it. He really is not that fussed by it, and if I never mentioned it again I don't think he would either! sad

With anal I do like to have clitoris stimulation, and I orgasm very hard and fast. It is VERY intense! much quicker and more intense then vaginally.

HTH grin

QueenofNightmares Thu 15-Nov-12 17:47:03

Not really an answer to your post but bumsex is a great laxative for me blush

WakeyCakey Thu 15-Nov-12 17:57:30

Glad to have been reminded of the centre parcs thread grin.
Personally I hate anal sex and it is a big No-No in our house.

DP wanted it until I cried when we tried blush. No-one wants to see that when they are enjoying something.

He's very happy now to go without but I would say give it a go, why not, and screw the feminist idea, I don't think that its anti-feminist to enjoy your sex life and if you enjoy it then you should go for it

KoalaCakes Thu 15-Nov-12 17:59:00

Looks like it works for MrsWhoGivesaShit too! Loving that name! And thanks for the reply. Where's that FrenchDutchman...?

MrsWhoGivesaShit Thu 15-Nov-12 18:02:54

ps. i find vibrations far TOOO orgasamy when having bum sex, so have to slow it down by just using fingers on clit! have fun with your frenchdutchman!

janelikesjam Thu 15-Nov-12 18:42:37

From a female point of view, I have no particular view as to what women do.

As regards feminism, I think it depends how the man approaches it, especially if its his idea (no pun intended).

But I think men who are rather too keen to try this early on in a relationship - in my opinion have issues around women. I don't know exactly what they are, but thats the impression I get. Its like the vagina is a waste of time for them hmm, too powerful, or too "feminine" which they can't connect to, or it feels too emotional, or means too much commitment, relationship.

Or else they are more interested in the dominance/degradation aspect associated with it, I think this is the feminist aspect, and though I open to persuasion I think there is some truth in this in such men's minds.

Also worth remembering, not done knowledgeably can cause nasty infections (in particular if followed by vaginal sex. The vagina is a biologically v. sensitive environment and very fussy about who it associates with.)

KoalaCakes Thu 15-Nov-12 18:58:24

Thats an interesting view janelikesjam, thanks. I wonder how much of this behaviour is leakage (sorry) from pornography and the subjugation of women depicted there.

WakeyCakey, I'm not suggesting it's anti-feminist to enjoy sex, was just considering the feminst approaches to anal sex as an act of domination. I'm very much a liberal feminist but as a feminist i can't stop thinking about power dynamics in more or less everything! Dont get me wrong, power can be a massive turn-on in the bedroom on both sides, I just have a personal interest in who's doing the driving in these interactions.

Why's it so difficult to avoid saucy methaphors talking about bum sex??!!

MrsWhoGivesaShit Thu 15-Nov-12 19:04:33

i love the feeling of being dominated. that i suppose is why bumsex appeals to me!

janelikesjam Thu 15-Nov-12 19:13:21

Yes Koala, I forgot to mention strong porn connection. So it also depends where he is in relation to that, and then how you feel about that.

Anyway, if its a newish boyfriend - my suggestion is to find out more about him and if you really like him and trust him. He tells you great details about his sexual relationships with exes hmm but I am wondering what was the rest of their relationship was like, who got rid of who and why.

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered Thu 15-Nov-12 19:25:53

Good evening KoalaCakes, how frightfully nice to meet you.
Welcome to mumsnet.
May I just insert a note of caution?
Having observed with interest several bumsex threads, it has been brought to my attention that anyone who has health issues in that area, particularly involving difficulty of evacuation, should proceed with extreme caution.
This activity has very rarely been known to improve matters.

OhEmGee25 Thu 15-Nov-12 19:41:02

FairPlay to you all! I'm no prude but the idea of bumsex just does not appeal in the slightest. The thought of the love of my life putting his wang in my poo exit just bleughh! Thankfully he agrees blush

joblot Thu 15-Nov-12 19:48:20

I'm more yuck at the fact he discussed his sex life with an ex with you...

That would kill passion for me. Am I normal?

joblot Thu 15-Nov-12 19:49:29

And if you go for it, make sure your bowel's empty first. Hth

OhEmGee25 Thu 15-Nov-12 20:22:41

Defo joblot. If my dp told me all the gory details of sex with his ex I would go ape!

joblot Thu 15-Nov-12 20:27:34

Thanks omg. Wondered if it was just me

kittybiscuits Thu 15-Nov-12 20:27:37

It seems like Thursday is the new Friday! Great first thread OP grin

ElectricSoftParade Thu 15-Nov-12 20:37:35

My first bumsex post! This has intrigued me after reading other threads: how on earth do you empty your bowels first? Because, if I were to do it ever, I would need to do it at approx 6.30am <very regular>. It just makes my mind confused.

I don't fancy it now and I wouldn't fancy it then.

louiswalshizzcloset Thu 15-Nov-12 20:37:43

Agree with bewitched If you have problems evacuating, bumsex is not going to help. The first time I did it I couldn't poo for three days. blush

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