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What does your dh/p do for you? How does he make you feel loved?

(66 Posts)
Petershadow Thu 15-Nov-12 10:43:58

had an odd conversation with my counsellor. Get the impression she thinks I have high standards in this respect
So it would be interesting to hear others pov

strumpetpumpkin Thu 15-Nov-12 10:46:17

he tells me he loves me, he shows me all the time. He always puts me first, makes me feel desired and cherished, supported and that im the most important thing to him. I dont know how, he just does. I do the same to him

ShamyFarrahCooper Thu 15-Nov-12 10:46:27

Interesting question as it's hard to answer. A lot of it is how he treats me. He respects me, my position, my entire being as a person, a woman, a mum, a wife. He doesn't see me as exclusively one of the above, but a combination of all.

BonkeyMollocks Thu 15-Nov-12 10:52:36

He's here!

MulledWineOnTheBusLady Thu 15-Nov-12 10:55:15

I started trying to write a list, but I think actually the things he does for me are mostly also the things I do for him. So they are not things that get done to me as a passive recipient IYSWIM.

We are kind to each other. We tell each other we love each other, and kiss/hug all the time. We try to keep each other entertained, we talk all the time about everything and work out problems together. We will pull each other out of a rut or a grump and enforce a bit of going out and socialising when it's needed - and we also leave each other alone with a big bar of chocolate/dragon-killing game when it's needed. We can deal with each other's bad traits (grumpiness in his case, anxiety in mine) without it being the end of the world. When one of us is tired or down the other one will naturally take on more of the chores - he is especially good at doing shopping when I really don't want to, it's my most hated chore.

The only thing I can think of that's a thing he does for me in isolation is that he brings me flowers from time to time for no reason - totally cliched, but I love it, I'm a simple soul!

manicbmc Thu 15-Nov-12 10:57:08

Shows me respect. Never nags me. Tells me I'm beautiful and that he loves me every day. Wants to be with me. Does little things, like buy me flowers, for no reason at all. Does his share.

And I do the same for him.

I am very lucky.

MulledWineOnTheBusLady Thu 15-Nov-12 10:58:47

Thinking about it, even the flowers has an equal opposite because I make him cakes as a surprise from time to time. He thinks this basically makes me a wizard. grin

Lavenderhoney Thu 15-Nov-12 11:00:12

Is there a list? Can you share it op?

My dh is lovelysmile he buys flowers, tells me everyday he loves me, works hard and all money is spent in the kids and me rest saved for family. He puts me first and is kind, listens, backs me up with mil alwayssmile

He never shouts back ( I am a bt shouty) and we try to make each others live happy. I waited a long time for him to come along and I am glad I did. I gave up someone for him whom I thought I loved but I see in times of stress and pressure my dh comes out on top. Might not be as rich and living like i would have been but the support and love we have for each other outweighs that.

Plus he always thinks I look wonderful. I never miss a chance to tell him how handsome he is or what a great dad he is.

I hope nothing horrible happens to us now. I don't want to attract the attention of pride before a fall. I am not smug though. You never know what is round the corner.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 15-Nov-12 11:00:13

Mine's just a boyfriend but I realised recently that he never contradicts me.... always supportive, whatever I do. Very devoted. The reason I realised this only recently is that he made a remark that wasn't 100% agreement ... questioned my judgement, would you believe!!!.... and I had to stop and think for a second. smile He happened to be right, but it was notable for being unusual.

manicbmc Thu 15-Nov-12 11:00:19

With me, it's me making scones and cakes too, Mulled. grin

womblingalong Thu 15-Nov-12 11:03:47

He treats me as a partner in our life together, he makes me a cup of tea in the morning, pulls his weight around e house, cherishes me, thinks I am beautiful (I'm not), looks after me when I am exhausted, cheers me up, talks to me. Treats me with respect I suppose, and I do the same for him (and do cakes too)

womblingalong Thu 15-Nov-12 11:21:59

Also is a great and hands on dad. I do feel very lucky.

FeuDeRussie Thu 15-Nov-12 11:26:13

He's very kind, extremely thoughtful - remembers things I tell him, knows exactly what I like, thinks of others always. He puts me first, even when I don't want him to - eg little things like offering to pick me up when I could easily get the bus, says he really wants to watch certain films with me even though I know he's lying and not interested in them. He'll stand with me for ages watching birds and animals when we go out for walks, because I love them. He tells me he loves me, compliments me, surprises me with silly presents/flowers occasionally, gives me a massage whenever I ask. Treats me as an equal - does all the stuff round the house and in terms of organizing our lives that I do.

I do all those things, or similar, for him too, so it's give and take really.

That all sounds a bit smug reading it back. But you didn't ask us to list the bad bits smile

Alibabaandthe40nappies Thu 15-Nov-12 11:31:03

Brings me tea in bed, gets up in the night with our children, cooks a mean Sunday roast. Buys me flowers, and diamonds when the occasion demands it grin

Works hard for our family and is totally open and sharing with his earnings, which he considers our money.
Tells me I am beautiful.
Respects me, loves me and comforts me.
He was an absolute rock when I had PND.
He is a lovely Dad to our boys, despite having had a shit example from FIL.

Yes he can be a bit of a grumpy bugger at times, but then can't we all? He spends too long fiddling with gadgets, and has dreadful taste in films smile

LulaPalooza Thu 15-Nov-12 11:38:22

Tells me he loves me every day
Takes an equal share of tasks around the house
Is generous and kind (but that's not just with me)
Works hard
Is respectful
Makes me laugh
Puts up with my moodiness

He never bloody buys me flowers though! grin

MyLastDuchess Thu 15-Nov-12 11:52:10

Brings me coffee in bed every morning while he gets up with DS.

Always tells me how great I look.

Gets up with DS (no reason why he shouldn't, as we both work outside the home, but I am heavily pregnant and exhausted. I know that DP is knackered too, he is a light sleeper and wakes up every time I go to the loo, but he never complains).

Puts me and DS first.

(Yes we have our moments and both have plenty of faults, but for me the coffee in bed each day reminds me how much he cares smile )

MyLastDuchess Thu 15-Nov-12 11:55:27

By 'gets up with DS' I mean he always gets up with him in the night to settle him, as well as getting up when DS thinks 6am is an appropriate time to start the day.

badtasteflump Thu 15-Nov-12 11:57:16

Hard to quantify but I suppose the clincher is that just about everything he does is for me & our DC.

And he makes me feel loved by always treating me in a way that makes it obvious that he does smile And never acts as if he doesn't!

wigglesrock Thu 15-Nov-12 12:02:29

Oh God its hard to explain - we've been together for 20 years and I know, like really know that he would drop everything if I told him I needed him without even asking why. I know I'm the most important thing in his life, I don't know how I know but I do grin

We don't do flowers or anything like that but he does buy me sneaky tops from H&M and silly thing Curly Wurlys.

wigglesrock Thu 15-Nov-12 12:03:36

silly things like Curly Wurlys blush Curly Wurlys isn't a term of endearment!

badtasteflump Thu 15-Nov-12 12:04:30

What's a 'sneaky top'? I want one grin

winterhill Thu 15-Nov-12 12:07:07

Everything I want and need really.

Jobs round the house are done without mentioning it. I work on a rota and can come home on a Sunday late afternoon and all the bedding is washed and put back on, big shop done, uniforms washed ironed and hanging up,dinner cooked and the boys homework done.

If I am on a late I always get a brew in bed!
We go out a lot as a family for meals and have fun.
We make plans together for holidays, concerts, theatre trips etc.
He backs me up when I am having a fall out with the boys and if they are being disrespectful to me he makes sure they no they are and have to apologize.

He is incredibly generous with money and makes sure I get anything that I want.
We snuggle up everynight we are together and chat about the day.
He knows when to back off when I am feeling grumpy.
We have been together for 22 years and have had some rough years (financally) I wouldn't want to be with anyone else.

Servalan Thu 15-Nov-12 12:07:23

This is a good exercise - I usually spend most of my time feeling down about what DH doesn't do (i.e. tell me he loves me, show any inclination towards physical intimacy, want to spend any quality time with me, show kindness and emotional support when my mental health is bad)

But he does:

work hard
back me up in parenting matters
ask and respect my opinion with regards to bringing up DD
tell me I look better now I've lost weight (I'd prefer he didn't do this with emphasis on pointing out how horrible I looked before hmm but still...)
tell other people he's proud of me (was news to me when I was told this by my sil, but it was nice to hear all the same)
Loads the dishwasher and cleans down the surfaces of a night
Does the bins
gives me the opportunity to have time to myself and pursue interests some of the time, and sometimes gives me encouragement with these things
talk to me about what is going on for him if I ask (most of the time)
give consideration to things I say to him
instigate hugs now and again (only once in a blue moon, but it's more than before)

Sure there must be other things...

Curtsey Thu 15-Nov-12 12:13:44

Tells me he loves me (approx 3 times per day, maybe more?)
Runs me a bath if I mention I fancy a bath
Does his share of parenting
Compliments me on how I look
Is nice to my family
Works hard to earn money for our family (as do I)
Brags about/bores others about any of my personal successes

HOwever he does not buy me 'sneaky tops' - wow!

50BalesOfHay Thu 15-Nov-12 12:15:03

He's not very romantic, doesn't buy me flowers, hardly ever says I love you and so on. And sex is a bit hit and miss (IFYSWIM) But when our grandchildren needed to come and live with us (actually his step-grandchildren) otherwise they'd have gone into care he didn't bat an eyelid. Just said yes. It was as much for me as for the kids. And he's utterly committed to them. He's brought my son up as though he was his own. And when I need to work odd hours he takes time off if needed. And he never minds if I want to go out with friends. And he likes and gets on with my friends and their partners. And he offers to drive if I fancy a drink. And I'd trust him with my life. And he's utterly loyal and faithful

And he bought me my first ever horse of my own two years ago smile

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