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I'm at the end of my tether and don't know what to do for the best....

(8 Posts)
GoneBonkersAgain Thu 15-Nov-12 10:06:05

I don't want this recongised in rl but feel at the end of my tether and need somewhere to rant!
My DH has worked for a family business for the past 7 years, and been involved in it all his life. He has been set up to take it on in the future and dedicated his life to this. The business is owned by his father and a partner, the plan always was that the business would be split and dh would take on his fathers part. We have sacraficed a lot to involved in this, taken very low wages etc. A huge row has erupted which has now resulted in dh being excluded from the business until it is split (probably a year or so), therefore no wages etc. DH however still doing alot to support his father as he is worried about him and the workload without him.
Before this row we were tryin for another baby, had multiple losses but literally days before this happened fell pregnant and hank goodness this one looks like it is staying.
So here we are, we have 1 dc, another on the way, I'm now working full time and my wages just don't cover the bills. I'm struggling with all the stress, being pregnant, fear of losing baby, dh being so low, the stress this causes the rest of the family and feeling like I need to find a way to sort this all out.
We're eating daily into our savings and at this rate will have nothing left for baby or to cover my mat leave. dh is really low, he wants to stay with his family business and support and keeps thinking this will sort itself out and he'll be earning again. I don't think that is the case but don't want to hassle him either, I love his family but I am at the point where I wish we could just walk away from all of it, dh find another job and we'll sort ourselves out. The row has also turned so nasty, it feels like a vicious poison seeping into all our lives. Dh has been doing a few handy man type jobs but these are drying up and the job market is a nightmare, but dh needs and wants to stay flexible enough to return to the family business at a moments drop. I just feel we are being held to ransom in this row.

Probably a pointless moan just needs to get it out I think. Options are;
- We remortgage and release equity from our house and see how it plays out
- DH continues to try and find odd jobs and we just hope he brings in enough
- We except this is the status quo for a while and take dc1 out of childcare, dh does full time care, I stay full time and we can just (on a wing and prayer) manage - my reluctance with this is that dc1 adores his childminder and thrives with her, if we lost that place we wouldn't get it back
- We walk away from the whole bloody thing, stop hoping for it to turn out ok and re-evaluate our future and goals - harder for dh than me!

I would like to add to this dh and I are very close to his family, and we have a wonderful marriage. I know he will listen to me on this and respect my opinions but I don't know what is best now long term...

cookies for anyone who gets to the end!!!

Guiltypleasures001 Thu 15-Nov-12 10:25:07

What sort of cookies??

Brings in the coffee's.

theres a lot going on here, but the main points that I think everyone is going to ask is, where is the argument coming from, and details you can give about it, so we can see how it might affect you in the long run.

i will say now family and business do not mix and I personally know this, you would or wouldnt be amazed what people will say and do to get their hands on money and control, I have seen brothers sell their mothers down the river honest, it can get really nasty.

But from your post alone with the details you have given, I would cut my losses and move forward, thia baby is far more important, and wouldnt risk a re mortgage on the pretext this MIGHT blow over. The stress of this is not good for you yet alone dp so some grown up choices have to be made in a selfish manner to look after the both of you.

GoneBonkersAgain Thu 15-Nov-12 10:31:31

Can't really say too much about arguement but safe to say coming from partner and FiL doing everything he can to protect us. I want dh to be happy, and I know sticking with the family business will make him happy, but it is just putting a lot of stress on us! Once the business is split each side of it is viable as a seperate entity and it isn't just about the 'work' side of it, the business is our way of life.
But you're right, I don't need the stress right now and I am finding it very stressful. I should also add my job is good but also very pressurised and only guaranteed till March 2014, so 9 months after baby is born.....

GoneBonkersAgain Thu 15-Nov-12 10:32:03

P.s. Thanks Guiltpleasures - sending you virtual cookies now!! wink

Guiltypleasures001 Thu 15-Nov-12 10:42:19

In that case, if you have back up from dh dad then thats a plus, maybe then dp finds as much work as poss, and maybe finds a longer term postion somewhere, so that when it does all fall in to place, there isnt a load more crap to sort out because of the short fall in moneys coming in.

In the mean time I'm sure it would be hard but the more you can stand back and allow them to sort it out, the less stress on you, because you will always want to protect your own.

nom nom

GoneBonkersAgain Thu 15-Nov-12 11:57:31

Thank you - good advice!

AlphaBeta82 Thu 15-Nov-12 12:23:40

Oh dear it sounds like a lot of stresses. If it is likely to be a short-term problem and the reward is long term happiness I would choose one of the options that allows your dh to stcik with it.
good luck with the pregnancy.

ClareMarriott Fri 16-Nov-12 09:04:39

I know you have said that you don't want to give us more details about the argument but do you say in your post that " DH has worked for a family business for the past 7 years and been involved in it all his life " How old is he then and is the idea he takes over his father's role when he retires ? Are the handy man type jobs your DH is doing related to the type of business it is ? What are your DH's actual skills ie could he find other full time work that utilizes them ? Sorry to bombard you with questions !

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