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question re divorce

(7 Posts)
feelokaboutit Thu 15-Nov-12 09:47:33

Bluntly put, there is no way I could live in the same house as h while waiting to sell the house or a divorce to come through. It would be absolute hell and would lead to me having a nervous breakdown. In the light of this, if I were to move into rented accommodation, and say the children spent half their time with me and half with h, would I lose some kind of "rights" when the divorce finally came through. I am the stay at home parent and my kids are 6, 8 and 10. I know that if you leave the children in the care of the other parent full time then this establishes a precedent whereby the other parent becomes full time carer and might get more custody - however I wouldn't be doing this.
I know from past experience how difficult it would be to live with h if he knew that I was "gunning" for half the house or whatever....
He himself would never move out while the divorce was going through.

izzyizin Thu 15-Nov-12 09:52:28

Before giving consideration to what you might lose by going to live elsewhere and leaving your dc in the marital home, what is the backstory here?

Why would it be 'absolute hell' to live under the same roof as your h while waiting for divorce to end your marriage?

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 15-Nov-12 09:52:45

Have you spoken to a solicitor? There are legal ways to deal with a hostile/uncooperative ex that won't leave the property. Would suggest you leaving on your own is an absolute last resort. If you do opt to leave, take the children with you.

feelokaboutit Thu 15-Nov-12 09:59:36

I would definitely take them with me as it were, but in that time they would have to see their Dad so I suppose they would be effectively moving between two houses. Not what I wanted for them, really not, but I cannot live with their father anymore. I am also worried they may simply refuse to come with me as they are very attached to our family home. No, I would never leave without them.
There is a backstory but it is too exhausting to go into. H is already once divorced and very bitter about losing that house. He is deeply mistrustful and a difficult person. If he thinks I am after half the family home all hell will break loose and I am not strong enough to withstand it. Communication between us has effectively totally broken down.

feelokaboutit Thu 15-Nov-12 10:00:21

Have not spoken to a solicitor but am going to phone one today.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 15-Nov-12 10:16:15

Just because he's been through this before and is mistrustful and difficult, doesn't mean you should soft-pedal now. He isn't 'losing' anything that isn't his. You are not 'after' anything that isn't yours. Marital assets belong equally to both of you whether he likes that or not.

If communication has broken down and if you would find it impossible to be under the same roof then moving out with your children would have no impact on the outcome of the above or your status as primary carer.

feelokaboutit Thu 15-Nov-12 11:15:33

Thank you. I thought this might be the case.

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