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How can I help 3 year old ds through divorce

(2 Posts)
Nomorepain Wed 14-Nov-12 23:58:24

Been split with h for 7 months now - he cheated when I was pregnant, left for 6 weeks, came back then left when dd was 5 weeks old.despite all he has done he is still horrible and abusive to me. Ds adores his dad. H really hasn't been around much for kids, turns up late if at all, doesn't play with him or plan fun stuff, puts everything else above him, mo interest in the serious part of being a parent etc but he does pretend to be the fun dad. Recently ds has been talking about his dad more. Trying to think of situations where we would be together. He says he misses him all the time. I try and play it down and say daddy is busy at work but it just isn't cutting it anymore and not sure it is right thing to say as he will feel that work should be put before him and it absolutely shouldn't. I heard ds say to his friend that his daddy isn't best friends with mummy anymore and it made my heart break. I can see that ds is trying to process the split but doesn't know how to and I want to help him but not sure what I should/ shouldn't say.

Please can you wise people offer some advice

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 15-Nov-12 08:57:40

I'd be tempted to be more honest with him. I find children are more resilient than we give them credit for and can cope with what we think are harsh truths if presented as matter-of-fact. Whereas they will sense when they're being given a lie or a half-truth and worry at it until they get to the bottom of it. So if you want to say that Dad is normally a good Dad but currently being unkind and selfish by being too busy with other things, give it a try....

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