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going cold turkey

9 replies

novembery · 13/11/2012 22:22

I am acting like a total fool and I know it, I'm not a teenager, just acting like one. For nearly two years I was in a horrible relationship and yet I still can't seem to let it go, because he was so abusive, and hurt me so much. Every day it still hurts and I can't stop responding to stupid messages, stupid games. Just tell me to step away from the phone, please.

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Blobbybobs · 13/11/2012 22:34

You can do it. Unfortunately, difficult relationships can be addictive, you need to choose to break the cycle. You can do it. Tell yourself you are worth more than this and truly believe it, because you are worth so much more. Be strong and ignore messages of any type, including turning off your mobile or leaving social networking sites. I will be thinking of you.

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foolonthehill · 13/11/2012 22:41

Fill your time with real people, nice poeple and step away from the computer/phone/notebook/ipad.

You can do this.

just think...if you invest all the time he would have taken up in friendships, colleagues, hobbies, work you will be the centre of a crowd of nice people, respected and known, well rounded, interesting and maybe just a little financially more secure!!

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Beograde · 13/11/2012 22:45

My trip would be (as I'm going through something very similar) is firstly resolve to not make any contact, and secondly, realise how much it will irritate them that you don't reply. I've also found it good to set a target

i.e. I've just made a fortnight, if I can make it a month, that's great, then I can make it until Christmas ...

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novembery · 13/11/2012 22:49

Thank you Thank you- it's so true, it's an addiction- something is wrong with me and I have to wait another four weeks for counselling to get to the bottom of it. (big waiting list) It will be important to make it to Christmas, and for this to be a Christmas that can't be ruined by any of his nonsense!

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OhWesternWind · 13/11/2012 22:53

Can you change your phone and email so he can't actually contact you? Get rid of your old one or give it to a friend to look after so you won't have his number. Drastic but so worth it. Loads of luck, you CAN do it!!!

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novembery · 13/11/2012 22:59

Yes, I can do that western and I suppose the fact I haven't yet is a big sign that I have a long way to go... something still seems to activate when the phone pings. I am mad, I really am.

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coolmango · 13/11/2012 23:02

I know how you feel. Thank goodness you don't mention kids and have to have contact with your ex.

I too have had an abusive relationship that ended in a FB / public free for all.

The little bubble of rage you may feel towards your ex may never go away but, by changing your number, blocking on FB, not responding to e-mails etc will actually make you feel more empowered and eventually it will be easier to move on.

Any contact you still have with your ex will still have a power hold over you. The sooner you cut ties, however ExP may goad you into an angry reply, the better you will feel.

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 14/11/2012 08:50

Abusers often engineer the conditions for obsession. By keeping their affection well out of reach they create a situation where .... like an addicted gambler.... you're always hoping the next thing you do, the next thing you say, the next 'throw of the dice' will be the one that finally turns off the abuse and gets you the nice partner you saw at the beginning.

Breaking up is just another stage in the abuse. They carry on taunting you with texts and phone-calls, game-playing, keeping that obsessive hope ever so slightly alive. They enjoy torturing you. Don't let them.

There is nothing wrong with you... you're being played. Now you understand that, you know what to do.

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novembery · 14/11/2012 21:34

Thank you for your replies, I just need to be told over and over again because I still feel so sad that this person was not who I thought he was, that the relationship was not what I thought it was and that there isn't really any way of ever reaching any kind of mutual understanding. He maintains that I was abusive towards him- I really wasn't, in fact I have never been more submissive, tried harder or being more loving towards anyone and I gave up a great deal. I think that until the counselling begins I can't really explore it and the feelings just swirl around. I keep thinking there must be a way to make him 'see'