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Following divorce, has anyone upped sticks and turned their life around?

(8 Posts)
dipndunk Tue 13-Nov-12 09:33:16

Ok, so divorce came through in April this yr. I have taken on the mortgage for the house. Lots of things happened this year and it has left me quite depressed, dont know where i am going... my thoughts are I'd like to sell this house (i know it isnt a good time) and move and start afresh. Not too far away, so as ds can still stay with his dad, but a different area. I love close to my mum and i hate it, no privacy etc and she constantly sends texts, i just feel like i need some personal space. Has anyone done this? I am also thinking of either studying or changing jobs.. not sure where to start but this does however feel right for me.. advice?

PostBellumBugsy Tue 13-Nov-12 09:41:06

I did! It took me a two years to make the move, but I did and I haven't looked back.

I've been divorced for just short of 8 years now & on my own with the DCs for nearly 10. I was really depressed initially and in such a muddle about what to do. I changed my job, my hair, the way I dressed etc. I moved house & area two years after the divorce and it was a good move for me.
That said, you don't have to move to get space & closure.

Can you set some boundaries with your mum? Just because you move won't stop her sending texts! Also, give yourself a bit of time, don't make any rash decisions.

dipndunk Tue 13-Nov-12 10:00:20

thanks for your reply. did you move because you had to as part of the divorce or through choice. I live in a lovely area, good school, everything here i need, local shops etc, close to motorway, on paper all seems good. Despite decorating, i am still come back to this house. It doesnt feel like mine, i cant relax here. My mum and i have always had difficult relationship, that isnt going to change, what i need is distance, to be myself ...
I dont want to take too much on due to the feeling vulnerable at the moment, so i know it wont be wise, i need a proper plan and do not want to make a mistake.. i just dont know where to start... maybe i could go to viewings on houses to see how i feel? what do you think? no rash decisions going to be made... smile

HeathRobinson Tue 13-Nov-12 10:07:04

No experience, but why not try to change one thing at a time, rather than everything at once. Work out a plan and do a little at a time.

So for example, if you know where you want to live, you say not too far away, then maybe go to a club, society, church or activity in that area to start making new friends. Then when you move there, you've already got somebody there so you feel more settled to start with?

PostBellumBugsy Tue 13-Nov-12 10:14:31

No, I didn't move because I had to. I moved out of choice. It was partly for a school for DS, as he has special needs, but partly because I wanted to move on in a very physical way. I have created a completely new life in the new location. I'm still in touch with all my friends and I only moved 30 miles away - but somehow it made a big difference.
If you feel vulnerable at the moment, don't move. It is an exhausting process and not to be undertaken lightly!

HotDAMNlifeisgood Tue 13-Nov-12 10:15:49

Yes.

It's now 1 year 9 months since separation, 9 months since divorce, and I really couldn't be happier. I have a new job, new friends, new flat, and I'm happier than I've ever been. It hasn't all been smooth sailing, of course - bloody hard, in fact! - but taking my life in hand and starting afresh is the best thing I have ever done.

Good luck. Your future is out there: go grab it.

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 13-Nov-12 10:19:15

I didn't move house but I changed the place radically to get past the feeling of it not feeling like mine. Not just decor but extensions and things as well. Understand your problem with being too close to your mum but just be careful you're not chucking baby out with the bath-water. Starting fresh in a whole new location often means leaving behind friends as well as enemies.

BranchingOut Tue 13-Nov-12 12:26:26

I think that going on viewings is quite a good way of testing out whether or not you would like certain houses or areas. Phone up an agent and just spend a Saturday morning looking at a few places.

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