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I need a rant about my ex

(2 Posts)
OhEmGee25 Tue 13-Nov-12 09:08:59

In a nutshell: ex and I split up when dd was 2 weeks old he was a horrible horrible man who lied and cheated so I thought, fu** this dd and I will be better by ourselves so I walked (well stumbled, id had a 3rd degree tear). I always maintained that despite us not being together he should always maintain a relationship with his daughter.

He pays £280 p/m Csa and I'm not complaining in that respect at all. But he just makes no effort to see her. Dd is 2.6. We agreed one day a week, he doesn't want her to stay over so she never has. However, a typical pattern is he'll see her 8.30-5.30 on a Saturday once a month as "something has come up".

He went away last christmas and her past two birthdays and has just announced he's going on holiday from 20-31st December so "sorry I won't be able to see her for Xmas this year".

Dd screams the place down on the occasional time she does see him and he clearly isn't interested. Should I just stop making the effort to keep their relationship? He's never in her whole 2.6 years sent an adhoc text or call to ask how she is in between visits and didn't even ring on her birthday this year.

What would you all do?

My dp lives with us and she's very attached to him. I feel I'm making all this effort with ex but to no avail.

camgirl Tue 13-Nov-12 09:19:00

I would continue with the visits. In all honesty my two have gone through phases of not wanting to be with my H/wanting to be with me and he lives with us. Its totally normal. It must be really hard for him though if she is crying etc so might be worth reassuring him that it can be a phase all children go through, whether parent is resident or not, and that if he sticks with it, does fun things with her etc, keeps her in mind in between visits it WILL get better.

A small thing, maybe a cheap shot, but what if he were to bring her a CBeebies magazine or similar each visit? Then spend some quiet time in a cafe doing the puzzles to reconnect before going off to an activity. A little routine like that would be something she could keep in mind and look forward to about seeing daddy.

I would definitely keep on with it and give him some reassurance that it can be a normal phase.

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