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6 months in...are these normalish and I am being too picky?

(146 Posts)
scrapingbottom Mon 12-Nov-12 18:50:41

Hello All,

I read here alot, have name changed for this as slightly scared of answers

I have been seeing someone for just over 6 months, and for me we hit crunch time this week and I'm thinking of leaving, just wanted others opinion if possible.

All been ok, been on 2 long holidays etc and see every weekend however a week ago my mum who lives a long way away said she would be over at end of Dec and wanted to meet him, so I asked him, he lives half an hour away and said o might be too tired as its a monday, i got the message and said ok fine will tell her you are too busy. However was annoyed and all the things I am unsure about have reared their ugly head...

1) He is incredibly tight, so much so that his friends take the mick, and hates going out

2) he eats at his parents every night so as to save cooking and prefers me round latish so he can eat first, his mum also does all his washing and ironing..he is 50

3) He farts now continually, didn't used to and thinks its hilarious

4) Like some kind of tourette syndrome he keeps saying fcuking c@@t under his breath apropos of nothing when we are out??

5) calls his boss female a slag and a c@@t and says she slept her way to top and wants him and i should be lucky he has morals??

6) A bit shorter than me and I'm average height and wears huge built up shoes so he can hardly walk, I hate this, I don't care about the height

7) obsessed with anal sex??? WTF

8) Slightly controlling and bossy and hates me drinking or looking at other guys, I don't realise I have looked till he makes a comment, I'm normally just looking into space I think

9) Ok just read these and they sound awful, he can be lovely, good company, and fun, but I'm getting irritated now hugely, yes been asked to meet his parents and I would never say o no too tired as its in week

Any ideas

HotDAMNlifeisgood Mon 12-Nov-12 19:50:38

Oh love. Dump him, and then re-set your radar. NO woman should be touching this man with a bargepole, and certainly not someone as lovely-sounding as you.

colditz Mon 12-Nov-12 19:50:57


izzyizin Mon 12-Nov-12 19:53:37

Even if you'd been seeing this prize for 6 years, I'd make an exception to my usual nod to common courtesy and advise you to dump him by text without further ado.

Given his prediliction for farting, dumping him by text will save you the neccessity of investing in ear plugs and a gas mask as your unwelcome news will no doubt cause him to fire off a veritable salvo of loud reports and noxious fumes.

On the other hand, if you decide to do it in person please invite stuff and me so we can --amuse ourselves- watch him hobble off with a scorched arse in those shoes grin

StrangeGlue Mon 12-Nov-12 19:56:40

These are not normal and you're not being picky!

1) So what you have to look forward to is him bitching whenever you spend your money and him blaming you when he has to part with any of his I'd expect if he's being this tight in the first few months. Do you wanna sit inside with the heating off for the rest of your life?

2) he thinks nothing of taking advantge of his own mum

3) He does things to repluse you on purpose??

4) Offensive and keeping you on your toes manipulative behaviour think

5) MASSIVE RED FLAG men who think all women want them are to be avoided! Oh yeah I'm so grateful you aren't shagging around I'm so lucky? Misogynist!

6) this is the only one which could be tolerated.

7) argh!


Offred Mon 12-Nov-12 19:58:41

I know this may be a novel concept but you can dump someone for any or no reason you like, you don't need permission or for them to be doing something bad.

That aside, he is a horrible nasty entitled little man, nevermind dumping him I don't understand how you can even tolerate him at all...

StrangeGlue Mon 12-Nov-12 19:59:54

Yes offers yes!!

Offred Mon 12-Nov-12 20:00:45

Single at 50, aversion to women, lives at home with his mother and obsessed with anal sex? hmm

helpyourself Mon 12-Nov-12 20:02:28

Why on earth are you with him? I can't think of any scenario in which any of those 'attributes' would be tolerable.

MoanerLeesa Mon 12-Nov-12 20:02:47

He is a misogynistic, disrespectful, controlling little creep. Run like the bloody wind and don't for a minute look back.

I have no doubt you can do much better!

janflan Mon 12-Nov-12 20:05:25

Sounds like an ex of mine too. I lasted a month before i ditched him.

I'd run as fast as you can!

scrapingbottom Mon 12-Nov-12 20:05:26

Thanks all

I expected a bit of a bolloxing, got it, probably what I need however

In my defence he was lovely at outset!

LivesInJeans Mon 12-Nov-12 20:07:56

I nearly posted last night my own thread wittering about my doubts about DP. Having read this I might propose to him.

Please dump him. He sound vile

izzyizin Mon 12-Nov-12 20:08:17

They always are, honey.

tethersend Mon 12-Nov-12 20:11:13

"as far as I know he had one long term 3 year relationship at age 40 then all v v v short term ones"

Because they were all bitches trying to get one over on him, perchance?

Don't feel bad, scraping- the only reason many of us recognise the signs is because we've been there. I know I have.

Congratulations on your soon-to-be-single life smile

NewRowSees Mon 12-Nov-12 20:13:01

Hopefully in another six months from now you'll look back and laugh at this temporary blip in your self-esteem. Congratulations for making the right decision!

ShipwreckedAndComatose Mon 12-Nov-12 20:14:14

No, you are not being to picky grin

Marzipanface Mon 12-Nov-12 20:16:25

Just awful. Even two or three of those 'qualities' would make me dump someone.

CaptainVonTrapp Mon 12-Nov-12 20:16:57

Run like the wind.

I feel really worried that you might stay with him. Please reassure me you are going to LTB.

izzyizin Mon 12-Nov-12 20:17:39

Such is our concerted opinion concern for you, honey, that we need to be reassured that you've divested yourself of this gross, in every sense of the word. liability.

To that end, I hope you'll report back as soon as you've done the deed.

stuffitunderthebed Mon 12-Nov-12 20:25:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland Mon 12-Nov-12 20:31:54

You are scraping the bottom with this one, alright.

Dump immediately. There is nothing lovely about this creature.

izzyizin Mon 12-Nov-12 20:34:02

GG came to my mind too, stuff - great ones and all that grin

In the ordinary course of events I'd offer to bring the marshmallows, but given this aged entitled knob's amour of all things arse I'd be reluctant to partake of anything toasted on his methane output.

carlywurly Mon 12-Nov-12 20:37:59

Ooh lordy, what a prize of a man grin

My skin is crawling reading your list. Dump, run, and put down to a 6 month lapse of judgment. No harm done. Don't do it again. smile

izzyizin Mon 12-Nov-12 20:40:32

scraping the bottom - surely there's a pun in there expat? confused

MagiMingeWassailsAgain Mon 12-Nov-12 20:42:13

Blimey he's a catch, isn't he.

You know, if you lived with him he would expect you to do all the things for him that his mother does now. plus bumsex

And he would be expecting you to pay the gas and electric because they were so much lower before you moved in.

Farting/saying cunt a lot/slagging off the woman - he does not respect you, or other women.

Disaster waiting to happen, get rid pronto.

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