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Don't know what to do.

(7 Posts)
onaroll Sun 11-Nov-12 20:47:15

Will try not to drip feed.
Last Remembrance Day saw me holding hands with and saying goodbye to my Hero, my Dad. Obviously I am / have been devestated , today ( although not the anniversary date , he is on my mind lots.
I have also lost my Mum , so becoming 'parentless' has hit me hard, loosing Dad compounded loosing Mum all over again .
The sale of Dads house completed on Friday. Although not the only benefactor of his will , I will soon inherit a 'chunk' of money.
This is where the relationship bit kicks in.
I am married, with 2 children. We have a mortgage.
Husband is the 'bread winner' I have in essence been a SAHM for the last 14 years ( part time work now).

In my head - I could soon pretty much pay off the mortgage and make life less stressy financially , which seems most sensible. That was my plan and what my Dad would of liked.

But:

Mid year my H told me of his affair. We have together decided to stay together and work it out. At the time of discovery it was awful , both said awful things but following decision that we both wanted each other , it is working , we are happier and stronger than for years. OW is now out if picture - I have no thoughts or suspicion that they are still involved at all.
He has and is doing everything to make me feel 'the one' again. And it's working , both ways.
Yes, I was deceived without knowing it before, I am not totally neive that I could be wrong , it could go tits up- but I really don't think so.
Although months not years in, I do think we 'will make it' and be happy doing so.

But whereas before I knew what to do with my inheritance now part of me wonders about 'plan b' .

That could be a good exit fund...... But saying that I may never need it.

What I would like most of all would be still have both my parents here to make me feel complete again . Then I
Wouldn't have to make any big grown up decisions about finances at all , instead they could spend it and give me the best hugs ever I miss - but that's not real life is it.
I have tried not to give too much detail as I don't want to 'out myself' in real life - if you recognise me, please don't let me know it.
Thanks.

AlmostAHipster Sun 11-Nov-12 20:50:38

Oh what a horrible year you've had, love. I'm so sorry.

I think Plan B. 100%. Put your money in the bank/savings thingy and keep quiet about it. Just in case.

HappyGirlNow Sun 11-Nov-12 20:52:23

Please don't pay off the mortgage just yet. If i were you in keep it until such times as you're completely sure that you'll be together for the long term - I don't think a few months after affair discovery is long enough. Keep it for mow as your security.

myroomisatip Sun 11-Nov-12 21:14:22

ohh dear! The abuse from my 'D'H escalated after my last parent died and I sold my family home sad Not saying this will happen with you... but... in hindsight I would have done things very differently.

Keep your inheritance separate and safe. You can use it for whatever you feel you want to later but, keep it to yourself for now.

foolonthehill Sun 11-Nov-12 21:21:50

But if everything were to go wrong again (I really hope it doesn't) all money including this inheritance would be seen as joint anyway (in the same way as debts/equity are joint when you are married).

If you were to pay off the mortgage (more or less) and things do not work out then you would take X% of the equity if the house is sold or be able to continue in the family home with your DC with no mortgage to pay.

The only reason for keeping it separate would be because you envisaged spending it as a running away fund and thus by the time you came to financial settlement/divorce it would no longer be there.

maybe post in legal to confirm all this.

I really really hope that you and DH remain happy and together. Good luck op

MushroomSoup Sun 11-Nov-12 21:54:12

Why don't you use it to pay off the mortgage but - with DH's knowledge - log it with a solicitor that you have but x amount into the mortgage and in the event of a split you'd gain that amount back before assets were divided?

onaroll Sun 11-Nov-12 23:44:31

Thank you for replies .
All that you have said has been noted.... Lots of it have rushed across my brain already.
I won't be doing anything rashly, TBH don't want it as it makes it all seems so final and facing grief head on is hard .
Thanks again - appreciated.

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